straight vs lesbian please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Question

My best friend is a lesbian and I have feelings for her and she has feelings for me. Deep down I know that I will always be a straight girl but I cannot tell her that because I feel if I do then a part of me will wish I was with her. How do I tell her that I want to experiment and date her without telling her that we were meant to be together. I love her to death and I want to be with her but I eventually want to get married and have kids. Should I just tell her that I want to be with her because I am attracted to her and that eventually I will have to move on but that we will always be friends or should I just tell her that I am a straight girl and that I love her but I cannot be with her because it isnt me. Or should I just tell her all of this and ask her opinion? Or should I tell her that I dont know that I want for my life but I know that right now I want her in my life in every way possible? Please help cuz the longer I spend thinking the more crazy I will end up.

Answer 1

If I found someone that I loved so much and the thought of losing them made me sick and heartbroken, I would hold on to them for dear life! Everyone wants the fairytale life of prince charming and kids running around, maybe your prince is a princess? I think that if you do not at least talk with her, you will always regret it. 10 years from now you could be married with two children and still be thinking about her. Don't do that to yourself. If the two of you love each other, everything will work out. As far as kids, we get many lesbian couples in our office starting a family with donor sperm every day. It's great to see that these couples can also have a family. Good Luck!

Answer 2

It sounds like you are having to choose to be one way or another when apparently you are both. You should try to imagine both possibilities here. If you decide to follow the "straight" method, then yes, you can become a mother and you may or may not have a husband to help raise your children (not everything is perfect). If you decide to be "gay" then you can either adopt a child or as in what was stated before, you could have a child by a man who decides to leave you.

In both situations, you can still have children (adopted or biological). The next thing you need to determine is whether the feelings you have right now are because of love or lust. If you cannot be friends with this person but want her in a mostly physical way, then she cannot make for a meaningful partner. However, if you find later on that the feeling is strong and she is a very dear friend of yours among other things, then this might be genuine.

Do not let the pressures of today's political and religious arena force you to make a decision you really do not want to make. There isn't a "right" or "wrong" way here. It's up to you what you want to do. Being "straight" does have the road paved for you already, in that marriage is available and most religions agree. However, being "gay" has a few difficulties, but there are ways to go about setting up a "marriage" through other legal ways (my aunts have numerous agreements setup that guarantees that each other are taken care of in the event of the others death, as well as child custody problems should they decide to "divorce").

Do not focus so much on the difficulties of sustaining the love you feel for this woman or the love you may feel for a man later on. If it's genuine, whether it be a man or a woman, then you should hold on to it. So many spend their lives caught in the horrible cycle of marriage and divorce (or makeup and breakup) because they can never find that once in a lifetime love.

I say do whatever your heart says and use your brain to help it survive.

Answer 3

I'm in your friend's shoes. I am gay and had a 'friend', who actually was my best friend few years ago. She knew I was gay, and she was always 'straight'. She even had a boyfriend, and I was there with her 24/7. We went to gay clubs, did tons of things until the day that we started having sex. I started falling for her, and she was taking me as a joke, only a lab experiment. Well, not to bore you, she was my first love, I fell in love with her like crazy. I had to move on because (like you) she never wanted me seriously... she only wanted to try. Nowadays, I have a 2 year partner who is 100% lesbian, and I still think of my first-straight girlfriend. From my shoes, I would advice you: do not break her heart. I was there, I know how it feels. It's good to have a good time, dance, mess around, do this and that, but at the end, she'll end up falling in love with you because she's a lesbian, and you'll end up leaving her for some guy. That's what happens to most of us (lesbians). When my 'straight friend' told me she liked me but she didn't want anything serious, I was the happiest woman on earth, coz I thought 'wow! I could make her fall in love with me and she'll never leave". That's probably what your friend will think too. Whatever you do, be honest with her and with yourself, and try not to break her heart because it might be an experiment for you, but it is means much more than what you could imagine to your gay friend.

Answer 4

Don't toy with her emotions. If you only intend on being with her for awhile and then move on, that could be very hurtful to her. Just tell her you're straight and you love her as a friend. If you start messing around and experimenting sexually with her there's a big chance she could develop a more than platonic love for you. If this happens and you don't want to continue an intimate relationship then the friendship will be doomed. Sometimes people, particularly men, can be friends and "f*** buddies" and are OK with it. Women, though, usually have more difficulty separating sex from love than men do.

Answer 5

Well, it seems to be something that's driving you crazy and probably causing problems with your friendship as well. The most important thing is to be honest with her. If you want to be more than just friends at all, make sure you let her know what she's getting herself into. Also, it's possible to get married and have kids in a lesbian relationship if that's one of your hang-ups about taking this long-term.

Answer 6

I think you should tell her everything you are feeling, as honestly as possible - explain the whole situation, including how confused it makes you feel. Show her this question, even. If she's intelligent and cares about you, she'll understand, and it will help you both to decide together whether you want to start a new relationship or keep things as they are.
It's hard for anyone to be completely certain of their feelings sometimes, but it does sound as if you might possibly be bi. But don't rush into anything without discussing the future with her, for both your sakes.

Answer 7

I am a lesbian, and in highschool. Honestly, right now, you can not say that you are a "straight girl". If you are having feelings for your friend, you are probably atleast bisexual. You should tell her that you like her, and see what she thinks about it. Tell her that you might want to try dating her, if that is the case, to see if you like the feeling of having a relationship with a girl. I am here if you ever need to talk.

Answer 8

I think you're probably really confused. Why do you think you're straight if you have such strong feelings for your friend?

There's no reason you can't get married and have kids with another woman. It's complicated and takes a bit more work than it would with a man, but it can be done!

I think your best option is total honesty. Talk to your friend honestly about your feelings and your confusion. She may be able to help you.

Answer 9

tell her how you feel, be open and honest. i think she will at least appreciate the honesty. if you both feel strongly about each other, i say go for it, you only live once and i think we should have as many experiences in our short lives as possible. i am assuming you are both still quite young, so the chances are, you will both move on eventually, she will find her mate and so will you. what have you go to lose??

Answer 10

Do what you think is right. It's about whats going to make you happy. Oh and by the way, don't listen to Mr c up there, I don't know why anti-gays leave messages like that when they weren't asked to do so in the first place.