ok here is my situation. I'm not looking for rude answers so if you have one don't bother please.
I am currently engaged and we just had a baby 4 months ago. We have been together for a year and a half today. For the past couple of months i've been feeling a disconnect from him. We still get along and all that but I don't feel in love with him anymore, and to make matters worse the past few weeks i've found out that he is looking at porn. I talked to him and told him i didn't like it and that i wanted him to stop, well he still did it. He also does not help me very much with our daughter. As soon as I get home he hands her off to me. I work and go to school full time so I don't get home until like 9:30 and I know he needs to go to bed and wants to relax but, I also have stuff I need to do like homework and all that, half the time his mom has our daughter (we live with his parents). Should I get out of this relationship now or keep on trying?
Any input would be appreciated.
2006-11-08 09:03:43 · 13 answers · asked by Lori J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you are in the same boat i'm in...almost exactly. i'm engaged to a man i've been with for 5 years and we have a 7 month old daughter. for the past few months he has been very distant and i found out he's been watching internet porn and he was never like that before...he says he will stop, but i'm not sure he will. let me tell you, if you talked to your fiance and told him how you feel and he didn't respect that, then you guys have some serious problems that need to be worked out...my heart goes out to you because i can relate to this. i told myself if i find my fiance watching porn again, despite how i feel about it, then he doesn't love me enough and that's not the type of guy i want to spend my life with. it's so hard with a child involved, but if he isn't willing to make changes for the "one" he loves, then it won't work. talk to him again and make sure he knows you're serious. if he's not willing to change then it's best you leave. good luck
2006-11-08 09:17:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The disconnect that you are feeling could possibly the fact that alot changes when you have children. Have you all talked about what is going on in the relationship? He may be feeling the same way you are. The porn is just a symptom of something else. Talk to him before you just decide to give up on the relationship. Most things can be worked out with open and honest communication. (also make sure that you all are still making time just for each other)
2006-11-08 17:18:24 · answer #2 · answered by bttrfly0724 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a child with him and are currently engaged, thats a pretty serious situation you're in.
The porn issue is only serious if you think its leading to something worse. Porn isn't always as bad as it seems, if you two have been hard pressed to find time to be intimate it might just be his way of releasing some steam. Having a child also takes time away from just being a couple so its takes a strong relationship to work around that.
Aside from that, he does need to be helping out with his daughter since she is his as well as yours and its not fair to you to have to deal with her by yourself.
Before you completely call it quits, try taking a short week-end get away with him to try and bring back what you had. Talk to his parents about them watching her for a weekend and tell him that you want to take a short vacation. Maybe get some *fun* clothes and see what happens. Maybe all it will take is some time away to reconnect?
Hope it all works out.
2006-11-08 17:18:15 · answer #3 · answered by irishgypsy88 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I had a similar situation except I didnt have any children, which made it alot easier, I also lived with his parents and felt the distsance coming in between our relationship, I feel if your not happy, LEAVE, I know you have a daughter with him but without happiness your relationship probably wont work and your daughter will be the one suffering in the long run.....Kids are smart they can tell when theres something going wrong with their parents- ut I wish you the best of luck and only pray that youll be happy no matter what you do!
2006-11-08 17:11:08 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any guy can be a father, but it takes a special guy to be a Daddy. It sounds like he needs to grow up and start taking care of business. Hes probably tired of his life with responsibilities of family and work and doesnt like himself much so he has no idea of what to do. You need to decide whether you are better off with or without him. Until he figures things out,nothing probably will never change much so it depends on how much are you willing to take here. In this case,your daughter and you deserve better. You can get custody and child support from the courts. Good luck
2006-11-08 17:22:23 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say if you love him hang in there. It sounds like you have a lot going on right now with school, a daughter and a boyfriend. Maybe it would be good for you to take a break with him. Maybe a long weekend away just the two of you to reconnect. Talk to him about your feelings and then just make the best of it.
2006-11-08 17:09:17 · answer #6 · answered by Ask Me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is so hard being a parent. It sounds like you are both busy and tired, which is normal with a four month old. Before you give up on the father of your baby I would recommend you both find more alone time together...the sparks are still there but just overwhelmed by everything you both have going on....I have been where you are until extremely recently and understand....
2006-11-08 17:06:49 · answer #7 · answered by I'm Trying 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound unhappy but ambivalent. Will your family or friends help with childcare when you leave? Or would his mom continue to watch her grandchild if you guys break-up?
Have you talked to him about how you need more help with childcare so you can study ect...??? Why is your baby not in bed asleep when you get in?? Does he work??
Only you can decide if you want in or out. Maybe a break would be good. If you could stay with your family while you guys try to work on the relationship and see what happens.
2006-11-08 17:12:33 · answer #8 · answered by bess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that sometimes any relationship comes to a point where it slows down so to speak. I would tell him how you feel. Make sure that you clear the air before you get married. I'd hate to see anyone regret getting married. I have been there and it's not a good thing for anyone involved. I would also consider premarital counseling so that you know how to communicate with each other. Take care and good luck to you
2006-11-08 17:07:47 · answer #9 · answered by lmclear4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whats the big deal if he looks at porn? It sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do and you should've thought about your school work before you had a baby. Instead of getting upset he hands you the baby, you should be thankful
2006-11-08 17:10:11 · answer #10 · answered by Alissa 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋