How would you feel/react?

Question

If a close friend of yours had a relative (child,parent) pass away and they constantly talk about it several months later, how does it make YOU feel? (Of course you expect them to talk about the person, but how do you honestly feel when they do this?) How do you handle this situation? I want honest responses before I comment any further. Thanks

I'm agreeing with some of your responses. It wasn't a friend who lost someone, it was me. I lost my 5yr old son in May and obviously he's always on my mind. I talk about his life, not death (well, very rarely). I also know that I would want to be there for a friend if they were to experience something like this (God forbid), but I also know that I would feel awkward, and that's why I try to censor what I'm going to say, I try to consider their feelings as well and try not to dwell on it too much.

On Andy's comment: I really don't think it is up to anyone but the person grieving to determine how long they should grieve for. Unless you've been in their situation, who are you to say, "Okay, it's been a year since your son passed, so it's time to stop talking about it."?? I do, however agree that the person grieving should consider the people around them to an extent, which is what I do, and this is why I try not to bring up the subject a lot, I may mention something and then say, "Okay, I'm done for now," but my real friends know that I may say something again. You can't help it.

Oh yeah, you will NEVER be 'Done with it' by the way.

Answer 1

NOW you tell me! I am so sorry for your loss. You will never get over this. But you can be ok in your heart. The guilt you must feel is beyond my comprehension.

I will pray for you.

Go to : www.truthortradition.com and order the book, "don't blame God", they also have several articles on the subject of death and grieving.

Answer 2

When my mother passed away 6 years ago, she died of Parkinson's disease and was an invalid and bedridden for the previous 8 years. My father hired a nurse and together they cared for her 24/7 until she passed. They had been married many years and were faithful to each other during the entire time. My father went and visited her gravesite every day for the next 5.5 years. After 5.5 years my father passed suddenly living an active life until the end. Thats true love to care for a person and refuse to send them to a nursing home. Thats the kind of loyalty In possess. My advice is to let it take its course, its a traumatic event and the best you can do it to introduce your close friend to someone or something that can take their mind off that event.

Its never easy, Grassy knows.

Answer 3

It makes you feel weird and uncomfortable. At least it does with me. I never really know how to respond. What I tend to do (in my situation) is just say positive things about that person and then try to redirect the conversation.

If this is happening to you - I am sorry. This has happened to me w/my Grandfather...and my Grandmother speaks of him often. It has been 4 years and she still talks about him all the time. If you are battling with this situation it unfortunately may never go away.

Answer 4

i think it's very healthy for people to talk about their lost loved ones, it is part of the grieving process. it does not make me feel uncomfortable, however I have lost many loved ones in my life. My husband lost his son when his son was only 21 years old, to a heart attack. I don't think he talked enough about him, it was very hard for him to. Its been 10 years now, and he will talk about him now and its just has hard for him now as it was then.

Answer 5

From personal experience....I was tactful with any answers they had, so as not to hurt them, but I would give honest upfront advice and a non-interrupting ear.
It hurts to hear of the friends and family that have passed, but i've found if you just try to keep it light hearted,think of the good times, and try not to think like if there was anything you could have done to prevent their death..that will only make ya nuts.

Answer 6

It gets tiresome, I know, but it is their way of working through their grief. it depends on when and where they are talking and what they are saying. I would want a person who lost a child to feel free to talk often but to expect some people to feel uncomfortable about it as well. Anyone who died, I guess. It does make some people uncomfortable to hear the talk.

Answer 7

It would make me feel uncomfortable, but I wouldn't show it or say anything. People grieve in different ways - apparently your friend feels secure enough with you to open up and let her feelings show. Be supportive and hope she is able to cope on her own in the near future! God bless!!!

Answer 8

I would feel bad for them. There is no amount of time to grieve(too long or too short). I would feel uncomfortable and not know what to say to them.

Answer 9

I would feel bad for them but it would make me sad that they kept talking about it because when they're with me they should just get their mind off of the loss for a few hours. i mean, of course they will always be sad but it would only make me feel sad too and annoyed that they would want me to feel sad too. its not selfish its just like, come on lets not be sad for a while.

Answer 10

At first I'd listen to them because it's difficult. But eventually I'll get tired of hearing them and I'll say "Let it go. I'm sorry that happened to you, but constantly talking to me about it won't bring that person back." They'll stop talking about it but they might also stop talking to me about anything.