My husband has been seeing another woman for a long time (10 yrs). Every time I confront him he says he loves me, does not want to break up our marriage and will stop seeing her. This has happened at least a dozen times over the last 10 years. I think he isn't seeing her any more and then I find out he is...what should I do.
2006-11-08 08:52:28 · 36 answers · asked by marpen 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its up to you.
The fact that you are even asking means you want a solution here and don't want to leave him.
Might I suggest a 3 way relationship?
If not then it looks like he wants to be with you. women generally prefer permanancy over exclusivity, you know he will always be with you, if you are ok with him getting it on the side then that is your decision and you should live with the comfort that he will always be there for you.
men prefer exclusivity so if you cheat on him and see someone else on the side it makes you a whore.
2006-11-08 09:12:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he's cheating for 10 years he may not be faithful. Have you tried counseling? If counseling doesn't work you have two choices. Leave him because you know he will never be faithful or stay hoping someday he will stop cheating on you. The second choice will hurt so much more. Yes, the first hurts too, but you've known for 10 years. He wants his cake and is eating it too. In the end the choice is yours. It could be many things. Do you have a fulfilling sex life? Are you still emotionally connected with him. No excuse for hurting you. As I suggested try counseling. It does not sound to me like a man who loves I know you love him, but ask yourself why you are still with him. Do you feel like you would be alone or are to old to find another. There are many reasons. All I can say is I hope you find happiness. I give you a hug from someone who cares.
2006-11-08 09:00:50 · answer #2 · answered by Kelly s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have ended the marriage 10 years ago when he showed you that he no longer respected you or considered your feelings. He's obviously holding onto you to keep you from seeing someone else and in the meantime he's got his on the side lover. You know that's not right and you've let him get away with it and lie to you. He will NEVER stop cheating because you've let him continue to do so. If you care about your self and your future then end this now!! How do you think he will feel if you had a on the side lover too. Women ALWAYS make the mistake of letting it be a one way show. You can do better! It's over between you so move on. You'll get over him and his lying cheating ways and you'll be better off for it!!
2006-11-08 09:00:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be best for you to cut him loose. Someone that "loves" you will not cheat on you and then lie. and for 10 years at that. You are letting him think that he can walk all over you and he can do whatever he wants. Let him know that you mean business and you arent' going to take it any longer. It's better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. 40 years is a long time to be married but 10 of those it hasnt been a true marriage. I hope I have helped and that you figure out what would be best for you (and your children if you have any). Best of luck.
2006-11-08 09:13:16 · answer #4 · answered by Lori J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is tough he has basically be walking all over you for the last ten years so what makes you think he will stop. If this is something that is really hurting you then it may be best to call it quits with the two-timer. So heres a hint if you want to call it quits file first for divorce he will be totally caught off-guard and if you have a little money consider getting a Private Detective to get some pictures of him with this other women and if your lucky you
will get a women judge and take him to the cleaners for treating you like crap for so many years. God Bless and may the courts shine in your favor.
2006-11-08 08:59:52 · answer #5 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess you could consider simply accepting it. If the idea of a polyamorous (aka non-monogamous) lifestyle is unacceptable to you, you already know the answer. But considering that your husband has been seeing the same woman for TEN YEARS, it tells me that he's capable of maintaining multiple meaningful relationships at once. Perhaps you could sit down and discuss this unexpected tactic with your husband in a calm, rational, logical, and open-minded fashion. Don't accuse. Simply state what your desires are, your life goals, your fears and your needs. This is the Big Talk. This is where you let him know that you need this cycle of deception to end. Don't hide from it; confront it. Expect him to 'sit up at the table' and talk about this problem between you honestly, like two adults who are accountable for their own feelings and lives. No one is responsible for your happiness except for you. Time to step up to the plate.
Good luck, and God bless.
2006-11-08 10:10:18 · answer #6 · answered by intuition897 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I would leave but this is your life and not mine and 40 years is a long time. Will he go to counseling with you??? Have you tried confronting the other woman?
I'd be very angry.
Did you hear about that women who super glued the meadus on her husbands penis closed? It seems so much more civilized than what that Bobbit women did.
2006-11-08 09:04:34 · answer #7 · answered by bess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wonder what has now changed that after 10 years you are just now questioning whether you should leave him. I would not have stayed that long and I'm not sure that seeing a marriage dr would even help. But it wouldn't hurt.
Either you have to deal with the mistress for life or you need to leave him.
Good luck!!!
2006-11-08 09:04:45 · answer #8 · answered by Big Mama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly im sorry for what you are going through.
This is wrong- you should be able to trust him and its obvious he doesn't deserve that. He is repeatedly doing this to you and its not fair to you. 10 years is a long time, he may love you but still is seeing someone else, he needs to sit down with you and talk, why is he doing this? Is he thinking you are the "good" wife who will do nothing about it? you need to put yourself first and stop him from walking all over you, why should you be unhappy, why should you be the only one thinking about the relationship, you should not be expected to forgive him again and again, you need to be with someone who puts you first.
You need to have serious talk with him- and you should expect more of a response than I love you.
2006-11-08 09:01:06 · answer #9 · answered by jazzy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 12 times forgiving him you have lost the element of threat. In other words, he knows that if you threaten to leave him,those words carry no weight and knows exactly what will happen. Obviously hes not going to quit,so its time for you to tell him enough is enough, file for divorce, sue him for everything you are legally entitled to, and move on. Find someone who will appreciate you for you, someone who doesnt need extra-cirricular activities outside your home Your husband is no good and obviously cant be trusted and doesnt seem to care about your feelings. So move on
2006-11-08 09:11:55 · answer #10 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋