I moved in with my fiance this summer and I've been having second thoughts about it. I just like being alone sometimes and he doesn't understand. I expressed to him once before that I am not comfortable living with him anymore and how I miss my own space. I even went as far as looking at a nice apt and even paying the deposit to move! He said if I moved out that would be like taking steps backwards so I stayed.
I have vacation time coming up and I want to check into a room for the weekend and get away. I think he'll think something ELSE is wrong, and it's not. I have no intentions on doing anything besides being ALONE. I feel so smothered and just want to get away. Is it wrong to feel like this?
2006-11-08 08:03:37 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wanted to join an aerobics class for "me time" and he was hurt that I didn't want to work out together. ??? I don't know how to explain it other than to say that he's smothering me. I want to be alone to re-evaluate our relationship I guess...
2006-11-08 08:22:20 · update #1
You HAVE to have "me time". My husband and I work together, live together, do everything together and I am burnt out. I am trying to get a promotion at work that would put me on a different shift than him. Because of all the time we are together, I have lost my sense of me. I don't know who I am anymore. Talk to him. Tell him that you need to be able to go out shopping or work out on occasion...alone. Maybe a girls night out every couple weeks? But more important, you need to do some soul searching and figure out if that is all it is (spending too much time together) or if it goes deeper than that. Are you sure you love him? It might be, that living together isn't all you thought it would be. Just talk to him and MAKE him listen. Tell him that you need your space sometimes the same as he needs his space sometimes.
2006-11-08 11:21:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you absolutely MUST take some time for yourself. It sounds as if this relationship is smothering you and you need some alone time to weighs the pros and cons. And for him to bully you into staying just raises more red flags. Have a heart to heart with him before you go for the weekend so he doesnt get any crazy ideas of what you might be doing. I think you would rather take a step backwards and make sure this is what you want instead of taking a huge step forwards (marriage) and discovering it isnt at all what you wanted; that isnt fair to either of you. Good Luck
2006-11-08 08:10:43 · answer #2 · answered by his temptress 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There isn't anything wrong with me time but I think that your being a little excessive I don't know what the situation is under your roof but for the information given I think that you maybe have something else going on. What is it that makes you feel so smothered? I get lots of me time and don't get me wrong I think that everyone needs their space, but is he being overly attached to you? Do you still go out with your friends I know once you move in with someone things get a little more complicated to do things like that but you need to find the time away from him and to yourself. But as far as a whole weekend goes seems excessive. I think your maybe afraid of commitment or you have other issues that you possibly haven't resolved. The best thing to do is be honest and do what you need to do before you guys get married if you feel that you need more time living by yourself then that's what you need to do trust me he will be OK with it over time. He wont understand but he will be given the information and at least he will know and he wont be as hurt about the situation just try to explain it to him as best you can without making him feel like he did something wrong. Never feel obligated to do something if you are truly unhappy with it otherwise that baggage will carry into your marriage.
2006-11-08 08:19:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No its not wrong to like to be alone. But you will run into problems if the person you are with is so insecure they don't understand that. This problem won't go away. You can't let a relationship change who you really are. Explain to him that you need alone time, and he needs to decide if its a deal breaker or not. PLUS, be careful. He sounds a little controlling. First, he doesn't want you to have alone time. Second, he used emotional manipulation to get his way.Thirdly, he is insecure about the relationship despite the fact you are happy. I know you don't want to hear that, but these are classic warning signs of a control freak.
2006-11-08 08:10:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone needs some time to themselves. And living with someone after being used to living alone is a big adjustment. If you have the opportunity to get away for a weekend I'd say go for it. Explain to your man what has been going on in your mind and that you need some time to sort things out so as not to put your relationship in peril. I hope that he is open minded enough to realize how important this is to you at present and does not present any type of problematic or jealous behaviours.
2006-11-08 08:08:15 · answer #5 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I too enjoy "me time." My husband and I work opposite shifts and I'm really appreciative of it. I come home from work to a quiet house where I can do my own thing for the entire evening. It really helps to relax and recharge me.
But I will add that you might not be ready for marriage. I don't in any way feel "smothered" by my husband and love when he's around. Having to actually check in to a hotel room to get your own space sounds extreme. Think about what you really want here and maybe it comes down to the guy and you not really wanting him.
2006-11-08 08:16:49 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This isn't wrong at all, but not everyone understands it -- especially if the person is not someone who requires any "alone time." If that's the case, he will never understand it. I am an only child and I married a twin. I crave alone time and my husband cannot stand to be alone even for a minute. We've been together for 21 years, so this type of relationship CAN work, but it will always be an issue for you. I'm lucky my husband works shifts so I can at least be alone somewhat when he is at work and I'm at home. He hates those times ... and I live for them! Ha! Ha! It's just one of our differences, but it's never been a serious problem.
2006-11-08 08:08:38 · answer #7 · answered by Rvn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong. A lot of people, especially those that are more introverted, enjoy and need alone time. It's as if the extroverts drain your energy. I think you are right to find your own space and independence. As much as you might care for the guy, he should realize it's a good thing to work through the exploration process. Trying to force a shared living arrangement may kill the friendship, not make it better.
2006-11-08 08:13:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong for wanting some personal space. My husband and I are married and we both need our own space to. If he can't respect the fact that you need some space then I would break it off. You have to have room to breath and be your own person without him being behind you every step of the way. You might just want to express to him that moving into your own place for awhile might be a relationship saver and isn't necessarily taking a step back. He seems a little clingy and that can turn into control issues. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-11-08 08:10:02 · answer #9 · answered by swtsugarbear522 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Appears that your man is insecure , and if you feel that he'll suspect you of wrong doing just because you want time alone you had better think twice about marriage. By the way how old are you, if you're under thirty wait please, enjoy your life. By the way why the heck did you two move into together before the wedding - stop playing house move out -be happy - say so long sweetie but "i need some me time"
2006-11-08 08:08:22 · answer #10 · answered by Jazz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋