I am 22 and pregnant. My mom is very upset and so rude. What am I going to do without the support of my family

Question

I am 22 and have been with my boyfriend for about a year. We have been living together for most of it. I recently found out that we are expecting our first baby. My boyfriend, myself, and his family are so excited. My mom and her family on the other hand are not. My mom told me I should have an abortion because I am too young and I'm ruining my life. She told me that I will never finish school because I am too lazy and unmotivated. And all of sudden she doesn't like my boyfriend. I just can't believe all of the hurtful things she said. I understand that she has the right to her opinion but she doesn't have the right to make me feel bad about myself. I cry almost everyday because I feel like i've lost my mom. I'm not sure if it will be this way forever of if she will ever come around. My boyfriend and I are financially and emotionally ready to support a child and I just wish she would realize that.

Answer 1

Well, she's worried about you. She's not expressing it in a helpful/ constructive way, but that's what it comes down to. She probably had a lot of hopes and dreams for you, and she's afraid that you just did something to lose them all.

The best thing you can do is to prove her wrong by finishing school. Whatever you're doing now without a degree is not as stable and as lucrative as most jobs that require degrees are.

If you finish your education, I think she'll come around (if she hasn't already come around soon after the baby's birth). In the meantime, try to lean on your bf and his family for support.

Answer 2

I am 21 and pregnant. My mom was mad at first too becuase I am still in college as well. My mom cried and was very mad when I first told her, but she came around. Now she's excited about being a grandmother. I also promised her that I would finish school. She's been with me for all of my appointments so far. Alot of my mom's friends she works with told her to get over it because they were 17 and so on with kids. I just remind my mom that I am an adult and I did finish high school. This is my choice and I make mistakes like everyone else. No one is perfect and people live with their mistakes each and every day. You are not too young to have a child. 16 is too young to have a child. But just because you are a younger adult doesn't mean you're gonna make a bad parent and having kids doesn't mean you're ruining your life. Try sitting down with your mom and having an adult conversation with her. Listen to her side and tell her to listen to yours. Make a plan with your mom and tell her that it really hurts you that she doesnt support you. The more you involve your mom into your pregnancy the more she will come to terms with reality and accept things for how they are.

Answer 3

She will be the first at the hospital when the baby gets here. Give her time. My best friend got pregnant when she was 20. She had already been with the babys dad for 6 years by then, still her boyfriends mom was adamant about her getting an abortion. She actually threatened to kill her, and the baby, by "choking the baby out of her". she was worried they would both drop out of school and never amount to anything unless they had an abortion or gave it up. but the day the baby got here. she came into the hospital room with flowers and aplogized and now loves that child more than life itself. some people just react strangly. everything will work out. who doesnt love a baby??

Answer 4

As a minister,I don't go for the living together bit.But I am not condemning you,as that's not my right.To sit in judgement against you would be to bring the judgement of my Master against myself.I am counselling you to put things in order for your own future happiness.

I think she's upset because it happened while you're single.You are pretty young,and I'm ready to bet that she's scared that you won't become the wildly successful career woman she probably has always dreamed of seeing you become now you've a baby on the way.Face it ,all moms deserve their braggging rights and she wants you to let her brag about her fabulous girl to her family.If her kinsfolk are the very straightlaced and conventional sort,then I can see why she's all twisted out of shape,you're bringing scads of disapproval her way.But that said, you still musn't let it upset you,even though I do feel she shouldn't be hurtful to you on her own part.
She'll have to have some cooling off time and you must rise to the challenge by proving the naysayers wrong.

As a minister myself,I would encourage you to arrange to be married,even if at a registry first. (Among the people of my ethnic origins,it is unacceptable to have a religious ceremony with the bride pregnant ,so that's why I'd send you to the registry if you came to me right now. We'd have a religious ceremony only after the delivery of the baby, and then the happiest christening imaginable!).Don't believe for a second that she really wants you to have an abortion,so just let that saying bounce right off your skin. Who doesn't want a grandchild to fuss over at her age?

Stop crying,love.Don't cut her off,but just give her time to get used to the idea.Make her proud of you by the way you handle yourself.Your job is to have this baby,have your wedding(s) and be a model citizen.Make your boyfriend your husband ;-) and I can guarantee that the loudest shouters will mellow in next to no time.Don't do it because it will "look decent" ,but because you love each other,you love God and you love your coming baby.

"May we hear the voice of the mother and the voice of the baby"

Answer 5

Cheer up, it's not as bleak as it seems. Yur mother has had a blow to her security, and is most likely responding from a position of fear--fear of loss, as she MUST now face the fact that you are an adult and her time of raising you is over; fear of abandonment when she thinks of you having a new focus in life; fear for your health and well-being in bearing your first child, and the potential hazards involved; and she seems to be handling poorly these changes which she has not asked for and is unprepared for. It might be a good idea to politely back off of contact for a month or two, and let her come to terms with her issues. Being in your first trimester, you have at least 6 months for her to adjust--though your pregnancy could be harder without her support--and it probably won't take her very much time to realize how much you still mean to her, even in what she feels are less-than-perfect circumstances.
That's assuming she's not a total control freak and using her disapproval as a whip to keep you in line in the family pecking order. If that's the case, nothing you do or say is going to make any difference, and you may need to travel a different path, at least till she realizes that she's hurting herself as much as everyone else by her attitudes and actions.
At this great time in your life, gather positive, supportive people around you, and focus on your needs and the primary relationship with your sweetie, as this can bear the best fruit of all--a stable, loving environment for you and your child.
And remember, our priorities in life sometimes change, and it is solely your decision if you finish you current educational path or modify it in a well-considered, appropriate way.

Answer 6

Contrary to what she says, you are an adult. If you feel like you're emotionally and financially ready for a baby, then, she has no say. Just so you know, no matter what age you are, no one is ever quite ready for a baby! Remember, it's never too late to finish school and if you have some goals that you want to accomplish, don't give up on them. If you can do that, you'll be good and your mom will feel bad for saying those things about you because you'd prove her wrong. I'm not saying that you have to prove your self to anyone (because you don't). The reason why your mom is so upset is because she's disappointed.

Answer 7

Congratulations on your first baby. Don't take your Mom too seriously. You do not need added stress right now. Try and ignore her hurtful words, I mean in the end it's only going to hurt her. I would hang with your boyfriend's family. This is a wonderful time in your life and you want good memories to go with it. Maybe she will come around when her grand baby is born. You are not a child, far from it. Enjoy this gift given to you. You are blessed. Just do me a favor and no matter how hard it is, finish school. You need an education so you can give this child everything they desire. Good luck!

Answer 8

You sound like you are responsible, and you and your boyfriend have thought this through. I hope that you can understand, your mom is just hurt right now, because, being a mom, you always think you know the best things for you kids ( which isn't always true, lol) she is probably just worried that things wont work out. Ill bet she will come around, once you show her that you are serious. Stick to your guns and be a good mom. Its great that you can depend on your boyfriend and his family during this time. If i were you, I would tell your mom, if she continues to say hurtful things to you, you are going to have to avoid her, for the sake of you and your baby. She doesn't have to like your choices, but she does have to respect them. Same goes for your boyfriend. She doesn't have to like him, but he the father of her grandchild, and the sooner she accepts that fact, the sooner she will be able to have a wonderful relationship with her daughter and grandchild. Good luck with everything, and remember, being pregnant is supposed to be one of the funnest times in your life.

Answer 9

Sounds like Mom is upset because "She" is not ready to be a grandmother. Or maybe this isnt in her plan for you. It actually made me mad reading that she is being so mean. She should be there to support you and she should not be adding stress. Stress is bad for you and worse for the baby. If she wants to be that way about just let her. She will come around when that beautiful bundle of joy comes. If not, its her loss. Just tell her that she has to trust you and know that you are ready. 22 is not that young at all. Try to stay in school and prove her wrong.

Answer 10

Your mom obviously has no idea what shes talking about. You are in a stable relationship with someone who loves you. You have a job, and a good life, and now it is about to get better! She doesn't realize that she asked you to abort her grandchild! No one will ever be able to take back the hurtful things she said to you, so please try and forget she ever said anything. For now, surround yourself with your boyfriend and his family. Their support will make you feel better. And as for your mom... I would speak to her only when you need to. Do not tell her anything about your pregnancy or the baby or your future plans until she has shown that she is ready to support you and your new little family. She WILL come around...This has happened PLENTY in my family and at first people react this way, but after a few months, they will come around and realize that someone new is about to enter the family. People just handle these things differently, and once your mom realizes she was wrong (which she will...trust me!) she will probably be your biggest supporter! Just give her time. And like I said...surround yourself with supportive caring people. Congrats and good luck!!