i need help bad??!! please love trouble?

Question

ok please give me honest answers i have been married for two years and with the same guy for almost five but then there is HIM well i used to date this guy 'my first boyfriend' and first in everything else i dont remember why we broke up but i think about him all the time dont get me wrong i love my husband but this other guy is in my mind all the time right before my husband and me got married me and this other guy had a emotional affair talking all the time and telling each other that we love each other. my husband knows and forgave me than but this other guy is stillin my thoughts all the time i worry about him and email each other sometimes i can remember eveything about our relationship buut i want to be devoted only to my husband so please help how do i get this other man out of my mind, head ,and heart !!

Answer 1

Don't talk to this other guy, no email, no nothing. If you really want to be devoted to only your husband, honey, then its not that difficult. You need to explore why you have thoughts of this man. Apparently things are missing in your marriage. See help, talk to someone and pray about your situation.

Answer 2

You love your husband. You want to be devoted only to your husband. At least you have your head going in the right direction. It's just a bit confused. The only thing you really have to do is put the old flame into perspective.

There is nothing wrong with still having feelings for your ex. You can have them. There is nothing wrong with worrying about him and wondering how he is doing. He obviously meant alot to you. That does not mean that you love your husband any less. That does not mean that you are any less devoted to your husband. It is entirely possible for you to love two different people in two completely different ways.

I still love my first. He was passionate, tall, dark, and handsome. Just seeing him could set my pulse racing. I would have to say he was my best and worst relationship. We had a roller coaster of a time. But he meant the world to me...at the time. I still think about him every day. Wonder how he is getting along in life. Because there was so much we discovered together.

I'm married now. I love my husband very very much. But not in the same way. I met my husband a little later in life after I had sowed the wild oats so to say. We have a completely different type of relationship. It's calm, respectful, comforting, secure. No roller coaster ride this time. And it's wonderful.

I still think about the old flame and smile when I do. I know that if I were to ever need him he would be there. He's a wonderful friend. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you just have to put the feelings for your ex in their rightful place. He will always be part of you. He will always have a place in your heart. He will always be part of your memories. You can't deny him that.

Love your husband....devote yourself to your husband...laugh with your husband...live....eventually you might remember why you're with your husband and not with "HIM".

Answer 3

First off cut off any communication with him. Then devote everything to focusing on your marriage. You have made a committment to your husband. Honor it. I don't know your situation as far as religion but it would help a lot to pray for guidance. I understand your feelings. I still think about guys I have had relationships with in the past once in a while because certain things stand out as really wonderful. I have been married 19 years & have 3 kids. You can't help but to remember sometimes and wonder "what if". BUT I know there was a reason for your break up and you can't look at all the good with the other guy. There was apparently bad things too. I don't know if kids are involved either but if they are you owe it to them to work as hard as you can on your marriage. You have been with your husband for 5 years. Why? What are his strong points? I ask for the positive because everyone has faults. But unless he constantly beats you or cheats on you, he deserves your whole heart and effort to make this work. Also I don't know how old you are - that makes a difference too. I am almost 40 and have grown to realize how tough marriage is. It does get boring unless you really work at it. And working at it is hard. Sometimes you have to make an effort even if you don't want to. Just remember why you married your husband and be thankful for him loving you. If this is being brought on by tough times or a rut in your marriage, talk to your husband about spicing things up and trying to rekindle the origianl flame that brought you together. Good Luck & God Bless!

Answer 4

you have to remember that it is different times from when you were younger and now you have grown up and make better decisions then you once did. I am sure that you remember that things were great but when we are kids things are less complicated. Just remember that you love your husband and this is a grown up relationship and not this high school boyfriend where everything is easy going.

Try not to think about that because in all actuality its a fantasy a day dream and it really isnt real. There are so many more worries as you grow older and its more complicated to keep your relationship going. But whats important is remember why you decided to marry your husband and hang on to those feelings. Its easy to forget but we marry the people that we marry for a reason.

Just remember that things are far less complicated when we are younger and you probably broke up over something that was important to you then but isnt now because you are more mature and completely see things in a different perspective then you once did.

Answer 5

wow, that is such a hard one, im in the same boat with my ex, hes in my head all the time, but the difference is, is that im not married and I dont think I could ever get married untill I get over my ex...its not fair on anyone involved. But in saying that, you are married and its great that you want to be devoted to your husband, but it seems to me your living a lie, u obviously love your ex more than your husband...so you need to either get some councilling to resolve this prob and stay with your husband or end the marrage(which im guessing you dont want to do). How can you love your husband when your heart is in a diffrent place. Try councilling first or even talking about it to a best mate, they usually have great advice and go from there.

Answer 6

You really need to pray about this, if you are a believer. Believe that God can deliver you from this. Also, speak with a Christian counselor. Don't ruin your marriage over someone from the past. You know there is a good reason why you and this guy broke up...you just can't remember it right now. This is an affair, and I'm glad you admitted that. Now, you have to stop all contact with him, or you will never get him out of your mind. Best wishes.

Answer 7

Your probably still attached emotionally to this other guy. Remember its over and the only thing there are memories. Start building memories with your husband. Do things together that you and he like so that your mind gets filled up with the love your husband has for you. Remember youre incharge of your relationship and you must determine what kind of life you want to have. Do you want to be in love with your husband or not? If you do then let go of the memory of what once was and build that loving relationship with your husband.

Answer 8

You need to stop contacting "other guy"!! You should NEVER had gotten married having feelings for "other guy"!! You owe your husband more than that - you made a committment to him for life and you have already crossed the threshold of boundaries and you continue to do so. What are you thinking? What would you want your husband to do if he were thinking, talking and emailing his first love??? Think about how you would feel if he were doing what you are doing!! You are so wrong for what you are doing, you shouldn't have gotten married BOTTOM LINE!!!

Answer 9

Your best bet is to move on. Just slowly work "him" out of the picture. If you really care for "him" then maybe you should split things off with your husband if you have only been married two years, but my advice is to try and move on, you broke up for a reason and stayed with your husband for a reason.

Answer 10

Get yourself a big fat rubberband and put it on your wrist, not tight, just on. Whenever you start to think of this man pull that rubberband back and give the inside of your wrist a good snap. The pain you will feel will be nothing like the pain your husband will experience if you continue this outside activity. Keep track of the snaps and for each one spend five minutes on something positive that will enrich your marriage.