I had a very short term realationship with a woman and we both decided to adopt out the girl.Her mother has contacted me and told me that she wants to meet me.I think Its great!But I need some advice to make this successful
2006-11-08 07:55:19 · 6 answers · asked by David M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
From my point of view, I didn't know my real father until 3 years ago, and I don't really want anything to do with him now...take it from a daughters point of view...Don't try to be a daddy...you weren't there her whole life...Don't let any wife or girlfriend of yours interfer with your relationship with your daughter....Don't get mad if she asks you questions, give her the straight answer, not just a, "well, we tried and it just didn't work out", or the "we were too young". I hated hearing all that..I just wanted the facts..you know the whole answer to , "Why didn't you want me?" Don't try to bond right away..give it time. I was the one who found my father on the net, we met for the first time...it lasted 45 minutes before his wife said they had to go. Anytime there is physical contact made, she quickly ends it with some excuse. I never did get the answers I wanted and will never. I have just recently decided that I don't want anything to do with him or her...just my little sis of 13. Do me this favor, stay in your daughters life, write her, call her, go visit her, drop her a card just to say hi, but don't loose her once you meet her. Don't show up with flowers or balloons, show up with something special to you..something dear. Mine showed up with nothing. Bring photos, music, a poem...but just let her know that you are willing to be a friend first and let her take her time on getting to know you. Also, take a close family member to help her get to know the family a little better also, it does help when the tention is on. congratulations and good luck...wish I knew how it turns out.
2006-11-08 08:04:04 · answer #1 · answered by cdb774 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be yourself. She is obviously at age where she won't make things hard for you. The good thing is, she wants to know you, it will be nervous and I bet she will be feeling just as nervous! I was also adopted and when I met my parents I found the whole experience really interesting, I could see where I got my 'looks' from and I wasn't angry about the adoption because I was brought up in a loving home, if your daughter was brought up in a loving environment then I am sure she will not be angry at you but curious about you. ;) good luck!
2006-11-08 08:02:58 · answer #2 · answered by Starjarus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be prepared for a lot of questions, she's gonna want to know why you weren't there- u should have at least tried to make an effort because u went in on the adoption with her mother. don't beat urself up, or stress out about it, just look at it like this, after 23 years, u still have a little girl who wants u to be a part of her life.... that's a blessing
2006-11-08 08:00:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just stay cool and don't let your daughter see that you are nervouse because that is just not cool. Trust me I am 14 years old and at this age I know what is the stylish advice and the idiotic advice.
2006-11-08 12:31:57 · answer #4 · answered by puggie224 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your daughter is looking forward to meeting you. and you think it's great. those are positive things. so, that's good. i would say when the day comes that you actually meet your daughter, just be yourself. with that being said, let it all play out the way it's going to. best wishes
2006-11-08 08:10:42 · answer #5 · answered by rubyred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW!! Just remember that she has every right to be mad, happy, sad, and everything in between, have patience with her and try to understand where she is coming from. Flowers always help...
2006-11-08 07:58:16 · answer #6 · answered by crackerz_in_bed 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋