can you love someone again after abuse?

Question

I used to love my husband and he went through a spell of drinking and abusive acts towards me and emotional abuse but then he went and got professional help for his drinking problem and has been changing his attitude towards me trying to win my heart back and I want to give him the chance but I wonder is it worth my time to fall in love with him all over again, is it worth it if he in turn does this all over again. My family (which is a big part of my life) says divorce is the road to travel down but I think thats because they are all divorced and unhappy, but I want to be happy and not alone and misserable. Can people with these types of problems really change? Should I give him the chance after all he put me through? Does he deserve that?? Do I put in the effort to fall in love with him all over again to possibly end up in the same situation????

Answer 1

That's great that he has sought help. I would say give him a chance, and be supportive of him that he would not go back to drinking. Giving up an addiction isn't easy. And one of the best things you can do, is show him love and support. It will mean alot to him. And as far as your family goes, why if they are not happy would they recomend divorce.

That's a big problem in our society today, society says if problems start in the marriage, just get a divorce and find someone else, they don't want to try and work out differences. Part of marriage is there are going to be conflicts. And they have to be resolved. But everyone wants the easy way out of a divorce. But stick with him, and support him and love him. That's great that he's changing his attitude.

I would also recomend marriage counceling, because it would also help both of you to resolve these conflicts that have arose in your marriage because of his drinking.

Take care and God Bless

Answer 2

It sounds like you might want to give him a chance because he got help, but how hard will it be to let go of the past? Have you forgiven him for all the hurt and abuse he put you through? Do you think it would be difficult to have a conversation with him about things that may make you both a little upset? Does he recognize that he was abusive towards you? Some people don't really see the emotional abuse and its effects the same as physical, so they don't think they need help for that part. Good luck.

Answer 3

You are assuming that if you leave him you will be "alone and miserable." You don't know that. You might be happier than you can imagine, at peace with yourself and your life and find real, true, and honest love with a deserving man who will love you and treat you right!

You already know what you have with your husband. Can he change? Sure, I think anyone who truly wants to can change but HE has to WANT to be different. If he is doing it to satisfy you then it is only temporary and won't work. You know him better than anyone else what do you think he is doing and why is he doing it?

Speaking from past experience I can tell you with great certainty that you might have feelings for him again but you will never trust him, his motives, his feelings, his behavior or anything else about him again. There will always be doubt and expectation of something bad in the back of your mind. Save yourself a lot of time and energy and leave him now. You will leave him one day so get it over with now and start enjoying your life. Find the love you deserve and be happy!

Answer 4

Only you can answer that. Maybe YOU need some time to stop worrying about the "relationship" and worry about self. Can I make it through this rough time and love ANYBODY without feeling the effects of what you've been through. Abusive relationships are scarring and we don't realize it until we are in a relationship with someone other than the abuser. You owe it to yourself to take inventory and get to know yourself beyond the abuse. People can change but do you need to go through this metamorphasis together OR alone and possibly come back together?

Answer 5

Marriage counseling, also called couples therapy, helps couples — married or not — understand and resolve conflicts or improve their relationship. Marriage counseling gives couples the tools to communicate better, negotiate differences, problem solve and even argue in a healthier way.
Marriage counseling is generally provided by licensed therapists known as marriage and family therapists. These therapists provide the same mental health services as other therapists, simply with a different focus — a couple's relationship.
Marriage counseling is often short-term. You may need only a few sessions to help you weather a crisis. Or you may need marriage counseling for several months, particularly if your relationship has greatly deteriorated. As with individual psychotherapy, you typically see a marriage counselor once a week.
If you feel that your want to give him chance do not do it alone get help.

Answer 6

Look at Ike and Tina Turner. Whitney Huston and Bobby Brown.
If your best friend asked you this question what would you advise? The road in recovery is long, painful and not without casualties. You need help too. Alanon may be a positive support option for you! Make a list of pro's and con's and see what three of your closest friends say about your list. If you do not have close friends; I urge you to seek professional help, or see a qualified pastor, minister or priest! Good luck and God bless!

Answer 7

Yes, people can and do change. The fact that he went for professional help is an excellent sign that he is sincere about his desire to do better. Nonetheless, you should not accept him back free and clear. If you decide to give him another chance, you would do well to tell him that you have one new requirement: he must agree not to drink any, ever. Tell him you will help him by not drinking around him and by not bringing alcohol into the house, but that this requirement is absolute.

Answer 8

Everyone deserves a second chance. If you've noticed his changing, then perhaps you should give him a chance to prove that he is changing & wanting to have a better life with you. After any kind of abuse, it's easy to become skeptical. However, if he falls off his good behavior wagon & stops going to counseling, & he begins to be abusing again, then pack your bags & call it quits. No one deserves to be abused.

Answer 9

Only you can decide, you ask all the right questions, and need to look into your heart and mind for the answers. I myself believe if you truly love him, and the professional help is working, and he is changing, go for it. But if something in you believe's his change is only temporary...Why don't you guys wait to get back together..about a year. A guy can only put up a front for so long, but if he truly has changed, you'll see it in that time.

Answer 10

ONLY IF HE GETS HELP he has to show you and i mean really show you that hes going to be a better man. my ex is now my husband he had hands issues ( u know what i mean) we were apart for 3 years i mean never saw each other at all. but he worked on his problem now when we disagree he dont use his hands at all. but if u really love him give him a chance but if you see just a little of his old ways call it off dont use ur heart as ur glasses but as ur strenght. go with him to see how its going talk to the person whos giving him the help do ur homework 1st. then take it slow n i mean slow if he cant deal with taking things slow then tell him no thanks but if he can then go for it. oh tell him that if he do want u back he cant even drink socially at ALL!!!! if he cant deal with that then no thanks. it sounds mean but this is ur life just rember the past n u will make sure that he has changed n if he acts at all like he could have some of the old ways in him ..... tell him thanks but no thanks n move on with ur life.