After being married 7 yrs. but being together for a total of 17 I finally filed for divorce. My husband has a drinking problem and that is the cause of all our problems. I'm tired of going backward and not going forward, I am sad! He was served the papers but acted like he didn't care. He hasn't bothered to call me. Do you think this is what he wanted too?
2006-11-08 07:20:47 · 24 answers · asked by FEDUP!! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No its a pride thing probably. Us guys try to hide our feelings behind pride. I had to divorce my wife of 8 years (my choice). Hardest thing I did but she cheated. I didn't want her to know how bad she hurt me so I pretended that everything was fine. A year later I realized I was suffering from depression from the whole thing (her cheating/divorce). Whether he's showing it or not, he's hurting.
2006-11-08 07:26:03 · answer #1 · answered by www.treasuretrooper.com/186861 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is causing too much pain for you, son't worry about what he wanted. You only have so much time to live a happy life and if your spouse isn't going to help you live a good life, especially after 17 years of being with each other. Move on and start living a happy life. You need to find a hobby that will take up some time when you start getting upset. Carpe Diem. You cannot control the past but you can make your future. Don't waste time.
Good Luck
2006-11-08 15:31:27 · answer #2 · answered by me_laub 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will assume that over the years you have made attempts to rectify the situation and those efforts have proved fruitless. I don't think he wants a divorce as much as he wants two things 1) a drink and 2) to be free of the disease---neither or which you can do much about. You want your life back and that is the best thing. Don't let people tell you that you are selfish. You are not. Sadness comes from separation, from not being able to solve the problem, and a strange elation of being free. All the best to you.
2006-11-08 15:31:13 · answer #3 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow 17 years? Did you ever try giving him an ultimatum before filing? Or talk to him about rehab? Most likely he isn't calling b/c he feels he has no choice and that anything he says now doesn't matter whether he wanted it or not. You already made the decision. If things just won't change with him, this is the best thing you can do... alcoholism is a nasty issue. Best of luck
2006-11-08 15:27:20 · answer #4 · answered by BellaRia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have to say, it sounds like your fed up with the drinking, but I think you didn't really want to go this far, you still love him don't you? He is just as upset as you but he can hide from it with his drinking. He will miss you, and you will miss him. Divorce is difficult, you need to do something with some Friends to keep your mind off of things, when your home alone it just makes it worse, He loves you, drinking is a disease, he needs help and you aren't helping by leaving him, but he is going to find out the hard way, you both will. I hope your alright.
2006-11-08 15:26:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
*hugs*.... been there done that.
I too was married for 7 years. I do know what you're going through.
First of all, always remember that it wasn't your fault. You didn't make him drink and I know from experience, you can't make him quit drinking. He is choosing this part of his life. He obviously doesn't care about anything or anyone but the ole bottle.
Let him have his way, it sounds like you're making the right decision. You must do what is best for you.
Keep you head up and try to keep smiling. You will meet that someone who will love you and want to be with you.
God Bless and good luck.
2006-11-08 15:25:31 · answer #6 · answered by jairman2004 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe it is something he wanted as much or more than you did. Someone had to eventually be the grown-up, stronger and more responsible person in this relationship and that sounds like it was you! Take his attitude and behavior at face-value. Whether it is real or not just believing that it is will help you as you go through this difficult process. Good Luck!
2006-11-08 15:47:35 · answer #7 · answered by Cashmere621 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People with drinking problems sometimes things don't sink in til later....You did a good thing for your self. Now you can be happy .
He cares but he is too busy with the drinking. Being with some one for 17 years , there is emotions and feelings ..
2006-11-08 15:27:34 · answer #8 · answered by StarShine G 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh he's sad. He just doesn't want you to see it. don't feel sorry for him one bit. He had the opportunity to work out this marriage but he chose not to when he kept drinking. It is hard to say what he really wants to do but you are doing what is neccesary for your sake since he is too busy drinking to take care of your needs.
2006-11-08 15:55:19 · answer #9 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When your addicted it's like quicksand. Most addicts are just looking for something else that they can feel depressed about so that they can drink. Unless he gets help, dont' expect much good emotion from him. He didn't want it but he expected it. Good luck.
2006-11-08 15:35:06 · answer #10 · answered by Ice4444 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋