I'm married female newlywed, and have a few gay male friends with whom I go out to dance clubs every now and again. One in particular I fear I have a crush on. He is very affectionate with me and we get along but he is totally 100% gay. After each time we meet I am fantasizing about him for 2-3 days later. I've let him kiss me and dance very close with me, both things I don't think hubby would like. I get a lot of enjoyment from the affection from my friend yet sometimes rationalize it saying its all in good fun, he doesn't get anything out of it and it "doesn't count". But I do feel guilty bc I do get pleasure from it, love his kisses and know that my husband would not like it if another man kissed me, gay or straight. Tables turned I wouldnt like it either. I'm just so starved for affection, tho. Hubby never has sex with me.. he's just turned off or something.
Help!
2006-11-08 06:50:01 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
More details about lack of sex: we have talked about it and finally in recent months he's started stating how he's feeling - that he feels like I am too controlling, have to have everything my own way, etc. Okay I have an admission to make - I pretty much morphed into crazy psycho as soon as we got engaged, between wedding planning and my own insecurities and desire to show him off as perfect to my family, and I was crazier still after we got married for a good 6 months before I started to realize that I was being too controlling, critical, insecure, etc. I've been working on it in therapy and think I've made a lot of headway but I guess he's having trouble letting his gaurd down, I was pretty hard on him in early days. But I'm just getting frustrated bc part of me thinks he's doing this to get back at me. Nothing medical wrong and I know I do turn him on, he just stops himself and doesn't get on with the act even though I know my touch and kiss is turning him on. Any more thoughts?
2006-11-09 01:34:41 · update #1
I would imagine that part of why you guys are so close is that there is little chance of anything happening between you. You are married, he is gay. There is a line between you that keeps you honest.
I have always been more flirtatious with women who are attached because I didn't feel anything for them and I knew that they didn't feel anything for me. I didn't have anything to worry about. When I was with a woman who I had feelings for, I acted differently, didn't want to make too big a fool out of myself.
You may want to work on strengthening things with your husband. Try flirting with him, like before you were married. Surprise him with a romantic candlelit dinner one evening. Maybe you can turn things around on the home front
2006-11-08 06:58:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
if you wouldn't like it if he did it then you need to stop. thats how i know when i am crossing a line ( or if i am about to).
you need to tell your husband that you need more affection, and sex, politely but to the point. maybe he needs you to take charge, i don't know. but if that doesn't help then just tell him, well i'm going to have to look for it somewhere else if you won't give it to me (empty threat please). still nothing then counseling. or if you've given up and don't wantot play this game then divorce.
notice i didn't mention your friend yet. you said he's 100% gay, so GET OVER THE CRUSH sweetie. stop kissing him and grinding him on the dance floor, you're only going to fall harder for him. he probably doesn't even see what's going on or that he is a temptation to you, be his friend but stop the sexual stuff.
please be careful, don't alienate your friend by trying anything or really making a move. and don't threaten your husbands masculinaty immediately by asking why he isn't all over you, there might be a reason that you are overlooking.
good luck
2006-11-08 06:59:48 · answer #2 · answered by haleysname 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone needs closeness and a feeling of connection to other human beings. Your last line, "....Hubby never has sex with me..he's so turned off or something.." tells it all. You need to have a serious talk about this with your husband. Tell him how you feel. If he doesn't agree to be willing to work things out with you, then I'd consider reconsidering the whole thing.
Just a note: I am a gay male.
2006-11-08 06:57:36 · answer #3 · answered by SuperCityRob 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband does not provide the affection you need and you are newlyweds, that says something right there about the intimacy in your relationship. You need to open up to him about what you feel and the attention he is not giving. If you are going to make your marriage work you need to start communicating this early on and now.
As far as the kissing and flirtatious behaviour with your Gay friend end it, it is misleading and can lead to issues later on, all things start in fun n without harm, but they can lead to more, I ended up sleeping with my friend and on more than one occasion, so nip it now, because it will also hurt your husband.
Key, talk to your husband now and let him know you need more intimacy with him. Stop the behavior with your friend, because this crush is bad and seems harmless but it is hurting somebody.
You can still continue to go out n dance its not like you have to stop having a social life and having fun, but no more kisses n dance floor grinding.
2006-11-08 06:51:39 · answer #4 · answered by Wheels 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Lots of women like gay guys. Its natural. Just try to keep in mind that he wouldn't be interested in a sexual relationship, and I would have a serious talk with the hubby cause there might be something more going on than "hes just turned off"
2006-11-08 06:53:37 · answer #5 · answered by Shannon 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i dont know what to say to you!!! its sad you are a newly wed and already in trouble...unfortunately for most straight women is that most affectionate loving men are gay...im glad you have a good friend there..its infactuation that you are feeling, when someone is showing you affection that you are not getting form the one person you need it from you tend to go towards it..maybe try sitting down with your husband and talk it out...find out where your marriage is going wrong...communication is the key to any relationship..
good luck..
2006-11-08 07:11:50 · answer #6 · answered by geminilovingacancer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey, at least you know they guy is gay right? if you didn't, that would be quite embarassing. you can't help if you're attracted to another man. even if he is gay! i used to do stuff with my gay friend just because it was fun.
i really think it is harmless if you're just dancing and kissing. especially if he's gay. don't tell your husband.
2006-11-08 07:13:41 · answer #7 · answered by Krissi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Save yourself the heartache and leave him alone.
2006-11-08 06:54:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your friend is "hetero" curious...and you just might end up divorcing and marrying this "gay" friend of yours! : p
2006-11-08 07:06:09 · answer #9 · answered by incognitas8 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get a divorced and become a **** hag
2006-11-08 07:04:52 · answer #10 · answered by TRACER 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋