How to deal with the ex wife of my soon to be husband?

Question

I started dating this guy and he has kids with his ex wife.His ex wife is nice to my face when im not around she says mean things bout me. i know i should still get along with her but its hard cuz she know her husbands weekness is the kids. so she plays games with him.I love my boyfirend to death but his ex wife is ruining my realationship with him. some times i think hes mom would rather have his ex wife instead of me being his soon to be wife. cuz hes mom will call her ex but wont call me and see how im doin.

Answer 1

If your soon to be husband doesn't stand up for you now to his ex wife, he never will. While he does have to protect the kids and so do you, you don't have to take any crap off of her. As for his Mom, sometimes people (especially older ones) have difficulty letting go and letting change happen. Just be nice to her and try to understand her feelings. She will come around. Maybe you could start by calling her and asking her how she is doing. Good Luck!

Answer 2

In all honesty be supportive to your husband and let him deal with his ex on a personal if anything needs to be said. The only thing you can do is advise your husband to get a lawyer and do everything he can within the extent of the law when it comes to his child. The ex has some serious issues here in herself and it is not your husbands problem that she does not like to travel to give him his child because she has other kid's and she doesn't want to drag them all out. It's to bad that this discomforts her because she needs to deal with it because your husband has rights. The next time you both have to go through the exes stress and she goes off like a fool let her see you both smiling and happy together as you pick up the child. You cannot argue with a stop sign so give her no power to upset your lives and act like an idiot. It sounds like she needs to be on some medication especially if she is acting out like this in front of her children. Her problems are not your problems so do not give her the time of day when it comes to personally dealing with her. I imagine you can truly see why your husband is not with her and someday as his child gets older this kid will form his or her own opinion about the whole situation. When you and Dad both have her make it the greatest times for her to remember and that kid will handle Mom in due time because she will know how much you were always there and so was the love.

Answer 3

My husband has two ex-wives. He has two children with the first one. She also uses the kids against him. Until I came along he would let her do whatever to him...it drove me nuts. Then when she moved the kids out of state illegally I came unglued. These kids didn't even want to go!! I got him a consultation with a great lawyer and she told him everything that I had been. We hired her and court came out great...we didn't get the kids back here but she does have to pay us $100 every time we have to travel the 5 hours it takes to visit with them. She still throws out verbal barbs and I just shrug her off.

Most of the time I think she is jealous so I just ignore what she says and I don't show the children that what she says infuriates me. Sometimes they fuel the fire and don't even know it. Do the same with the mother in law. Ignore her. Some moms get to used to the old and don't want to adjust to the new. She may eventually come around or she may not. But be nice and respectful and don't hold any high hopes of having a tight relationship with her.

As for you mother-in-law...ignor her

Answer 4

You shouldn't have to, but you're going to be a step mom so....you have to....ignore what others are saying she said unless you hear it yourself, and deal with her with class. I really do like my ex husbands new wife and everyone tries to convince her that I hate her, as long as she cares for my son, I will always respect her and the people stirring the crap can go get a bigger stick, it won't work! A woman that accepts another woman's children and treats them with love is what matters...so, good luck! P.S. Don't worry about the mother in law...she would treat any other woman like that, moms sometimes do that because of the kids.

Answer 5

I might get a lot of flak for this but nothing is going to change. His children need to come first and they can't w/ you in the picture. He probably barely sees them as it is since this country is so fixated on Mom's having more rights then dads. Find a guy that doesn't have any kids or the kids are grown and out of the house. It is very rare where 2nd marriages work out espicially when kids are involved.

Answer 6

Here's the deal. You are involved with a guy who has a history. He already has a commitment to his kids. And THAT needs to come first. His ex-wife is always going to be around and her opinions are going to intrude into your home because of the children. Either find some way to make peace with her or find yourself another man, because this problem isn't likely to go away.

Answer 7

It's not your place to deal with the ex wife. It's his. You can only be supportive. But you might want to take a real hard 2nd or 3rd look at what you are about to do. Soon to be hubby needs to be on your side and let it be known to everyone that he is on your side, not moms nor the ex's. Good luck, honey.

Answer 8

stand your ground with his ex wife she is his past not is present nore future. you are to be his wife his future. you must be understanding when it comes to his kids because they come first in his life but that does not give his ex wife the right too disrespect you talk with your boyfriend about this and if he doesn't understand or is unwilling to understand then you need to leave him because it wont get any better if there isn't any rules set in place before your married about this issue

Answer 9

Let all that go. If you two are happy, things will fall into place. Don't let her upset you, she just wants you to feel insecure. If she sees it doesn't effect you the game will no longer be fun and she will move on. Your future hubby will see you as more secure and strong if you let this stuff slide, and blow it off. The kids will also see you are stable, and they will feel more secure with their relationship with you.

Answer 10

Take what the ex says about you with a grain a salt. She probably is just mad that her ex found someone that makes him happy.