How can I get my husband to help out around the house?

Question

My husband and I both work full-time job's, yet I do all of the housework, pay bills, grocery shop, take care of children (2), laundry, banking, cook, etc. Basically he takes care of yard, including cutting grass/shovel snow & take out garbage. I do not want to become a nag and I don't feel that it's fair that I handle everything. To be fair, he will help out occaisionally, (usually when he wants something),but help with a quick straighten up daily would do wonders for my morale...I am starting to feel resentment towards my whole family and I know this is not good! Please help!

Answer 1

Men are either born with it or they aren't.
Mom's work around the house is devalued, as it is in most homes today and centuries past, and he learned it from a lazy father and a spineless mom.
Talk to him, plain and simple.
You're being taken advantage of.
Stand up and be counted.
Marriage is 50/50 and since you're bringing in an income, he owes 50% towards the household duties.
I'm a man and I cook, clean (the house and scrub toilets too) , do laundry, deal with the kids, mechanic the cars, etc., etc., etc..
She's the woman. She cooks, cleans, launders, cares for the kids, mows the yard, etc.,etc.,etc..
As we were starting our relationship, I made it perfectly clear that no one sits on their a** all day. You get a job and you split the domestic chores. End of subject.
We've both held up our ends. Harmony.
It's not that hard to pick things up and run the vacuum. Maybe start dinner and have the other finish it. Kids help too. It's only fair that ALL members of a household do their fair share. You shouldn't have to be responsible for it all just because you're MOM.
You DESERVE better respect, period!

Answer 2

Talk to him and tell him how you feel about it. Tell him you are tired from all you do AFTER a full day at work. If that doesn't work, skip laundry, cooking, dishes, etc. Let them pile up. Make sure the kids have clean clothes and some food. Do the banking. Anything else that is not a HAVE TO, let it sit. Maybe once there are no clean dishes or clothes or food cooked, he will get the idea that you need help. When he asks you about it, tell him you were helping the kids with homework or getting their baths and you were too tired (or forgot) to do the rest.

Answer 3

I assume you have talked to your husband, if not here are a few suggestions.
Sit him down and explain to him you are over worked at home, and need help. Men are not mind readers and need to be told when help is needed. It may seem obvious to you, but not for men. He see's you doing house work and taking care of the kids as something that you just always do, so he isnt going to try and get in your way, usually because he is lazy or he is afraid he wont do it right, and you will let him know about it. What one person considers a mess, another person might consider not so bad, but I think communication is key! And if that doesnt work, withhold sex from him until he caves in. Men have their weakness's too.

Answer 4

It's all in your hands my husband was same way as yours. Give him responsibilities but ask him gently don't say you have to do this and that because he'll never do it. At first times don't expect anything perfect but show him that you appreciate his help. Ask him to do grocery shopping this week, and give him a list, but when he does it don't criticize him because he needs some time to do it perfectly. About kids after dinner time arrange a family time at list for a half an hour, but make sure the TV is off. I believe you are a very responsible person, but he must help you.

Answer 5

This suck for you but you can do a few things and I am sure you have done some already. First to give your kids chore's by writing a list of jobs for them and make it clear to them that you will not do it for them and if not take there TV RIGHT AWAY OR SOMETHING THAT MEANS A lot TO THEM.
For your husband the same goes for him but you also treat him the same but how do you hurt a man I hate to say it no sex. If this doesn't work Family counselling and let them know that is where it is if not you will fire yourself and No one will get nothing and you leave for a mini Vacation hope it works for you either way.

Answer 6

I'm in the same boat....

What I do is make a list of chores and ask that EVERYONE in the family look at the list and pick things to do.

I make sure hubby is there because the boys want to know what DAD is going to do?

It is slowly working....I usually have to do the bulk of the laundry - but that was all done this week by him.

Nice change!

Answer 7

Try talking to him. Maybe have a list of the daily tasks that show how much you really have to do. My wife went over her list with me and now for instance in the morning I get up and feed the dogs, let them out, vacuum (2 big dogs, need to vacuum everyday), empty dishwasher and get the kids a drink. She showers while I do that. Then she makes the beds, irons the kids clothes, gets them ready for school.

Oh, and do you still have sex with him? Because if not then he probably could really give a crap what work you have to do and is probably starting to resent you too.

Answer 8

Your husbands lucky.I do everything you do plus the yard work and i work full-time nights another part-time job and watch my three kids when she goes to work. Maybe you should go on strike and stop doing everything and let your house turn into a pigsty,I'd do that but I'd be too embarrassed if someone stopped by.
P.S. I'm not saying my wife is 100% lazy,just 90%. I do way more than i should.

Answer 9

Start a hobby and stop doing everything.
He will pick up the slack a little, but not necessarily the way you want it done. Let him do it his way and don't scold him for what he does.

Example: My wife has night classes and tried to plan out dinners that I would be cooking. I figure I'm the one cooking I should pick what I want to cook. If I have time I create some really nice stuff and even make an effort to present it nicely. BTW i like to cook, but I hate to be micro-managed. I also get to TRICK my kids to eat vegetables without them running to Mom. Desert is Double Chocolate Cake, but you MUST eat ALL of your salad, soup & vegetables to get ANY of it. Yup my kids hate me sometime, but they also no I'm "Dad" and not some lazy bumb who needs to be spoon fed what to do.

Treat a man like a child and they act like a child. Let them be a father or a husband and you might like what you get.

Answer 10

I had the same problem, i tried talking to him and that worked for a little while but it went right back to the same old crap. You need to find what it takes to get his attention and let him know that it is bothering you and that you are feeling overloaded. It took me seperating from my husband and him having to clean up and pay bills and have kids by himself for him to realize what it takes to do it all by your self. So try discussing it first... if that doesn't work your gonna have to give him a reality check, if not it will ruin your marriage and make you bitter to everyone because you feel you are doing everything.

Good luck hun...