my husband downloads porn movies, when i confront him he denies it! am i overreacting? is it normal?

Answer 1

There could be many reasons why he denies having downloaded pornography. Most of these reasons center on his view of human sexuality and what he learned growing up. In general, what are his views on sex and sexuality?

Many men and women who look at pornography have, when growing up, learned that such behavior is wrong. This learning--whether from parents, church, guardians, girlfriends, etc.--becomes ingrained in that person's views on sexuality. When confronting him, your husband reacts accordingly, with guilt and denial (the same as if a child stole a cookie from the cookie jar).

No one person can tell you whether or not you overreacted. That is subjective. Note, however, that by confronting him you have reinforced his belief that sexuality is wrong or bad.

There are many reasons why people (both men and women) look at pornography, though only one of them is due to being sexually dissatisfied. Sexuality, no matter how much society tries to suppress it, is encoded in our DNA. Humans (like all animals) are sexual beings. Sure, you can punish/confront your husband regarding his sexual expression, but it would be healthier for you to be a part of that sexuality. As remarked by fiestylady, watch a pornographic movie with your husband. Also, although it may be uncomfortable at first, ask him what he truly likes, sexually. This is the most important thing: communication. Share your sexual feelings with him. Make sexuality a part of your marriage rather than delegating it one act.

Answer 2

After reading some of these answers, I realized what a judgmental society we live in. This husband has been labeled a cheat, an addict and a husband that needs to lust after others because he is not interested in his wife. What I see is a husband that due to his wife's closed mindedness, and obvious "hand slapping" attitude he is afraid to communicate honestly with you. I am a married woman, have been with my husband for 10 years, I am not a person that sits down and watch porn, (too much girl on girl for me). But if my husband does, I don't think of it as something I am lacking. What about the guys that need medication to get interested and stay interested, should the wife feel like they are lacking something? As to addicted, does his whole life revolve around porn or is it an occasional thing that perhaps due to you being uncomfortable with it, it seems like it is more than it really is. IMO the only way you will be OK with this is if you accept it, because then you will not be disappointed when it happens. And like a child the more you tell a husband not to do something, the more he does it, and the more you ask him to do it the more he doesn't.

Answer 3

In itself, I don't think downloading porn is worng (assuming it's 'normal' sexual activities, and there's nothing really mucked up in the content, like kids, or torture or something - if that's the case be very concerned!)

Virtually all guys watch porn. It's normal. What you have to consider is that guys don't place an emotional attachment on the situation like women do. We think 'but why don't you want me?' etc etc, when guys seldom think of it in that context - to them it's just porn. As long as your sex life is still going ok, I wouldn't worry about it.

As for the reason he's lying - it's most probably that he's emabrresed, or thinks you will react badly (which you kinda are judging by your wording of the question). He may react better if you're open to him about it. If he thinks he's going to get 'told off', off course he'll lie. However, if you make him feel more comfortable, he may be more honest. Perhaps you could suggest watching some with him? It may turn out to be a fun evening ;P However, if you're really not comfortable with that, then try to just accept that he watches porn, and let him know that you're not going to be angry with him.

Remember, porn is very rarely a replacement for sex with your partner, it's just something guys do. If you can learn to deal with that, things will be a lot easier, and your husband won't feel the need to hide it from you. And at the end of the day, there are lot worse things he could be doing!

Answer 4

I think it is okay for him to do this but he should at least talk to you about this. Would you mind if he brought home porn movies if you do not mind then what would be the harm if he does it on the computer. If you are talking about him talking to other girls or happen to be in single web or what ever in this area then he is cheating but talk with him and if you have a problem with him doing this then tell him that you do not like it and if he plays dumb then just tell him to stop what ever he is doing. Reason he denies it is because he was caught and he doesn't want to hurt your feeling speaking as a man we can not help ourself everyong know we are dumb and can't help by looking but he knows who love's him take it easy.

Answer 5

All men do and it's not a bad thing. Really, it is not an insult to you or your sex life. He probably was embarassed that he was caught, is all. I think it's very naive to think that once a man is married, he's going to give up porn and masturbation--ain't gonna happen! You just live with it. Better yet, get some of your own!

Answer 6

It's normal for him to like looking at porn. He's a man. But if he knows that you have a problem with it he should stop immediately. Especially if it is causing arguments between you two. Your not over reacting. If you don't like him looking at porn then you just don't like him looking at porn.

Answer 7

Since he is lying, I would be mad. Maybe he thinks you would over react. Talk to him, ask him if he wants to watch porn together. Make sure you communicate so you are both getting what you need sexually from your relationship. Make sure he is comfortable telling you what he truly wants. He may have tried before and your reaction has made him hide these kinds of things.

Answer 8

Perhaps it is on some level embarrassing to him. I dont think it is wrong to view porn, it is not screwing somebody else. It is more of a visual aid. Men are extremely visual. They cant masturbate without some sort of visual aid.

Answer 9

No you aren't overreacting. If he is denying it then he is ashamed of his behavior. Maybe you should consider some counseling.

Answer 10

YA UNFORTUNATLEY IT'S NORMAL THE DENYING PART IS NOT CONFRONT HIM AND MAKE IT OBVIOUS THAT LYING TO YOU IS NOT OK IF HE'S LYING ABOUT DOWNLOADING PORN WHAT ELSE IS HE LYING ABOUT?