Serious answers from husbands only please....?

Question

I've been married to my husband for 15 years now, known him for 18 years. He's been my first in almost everything. Here's the problem: Recently I attended a HUSH party, which is a party where sexual 'enhancement' toys are sold. I came home with a catalog, showed it to him and suggested which items I'd like for us to get. He got upset about this and told me I should enjoy what we have naturally, without anything added. I understand his thinking, really I do. But he has never gotten me to orgasm EVER. I'm very frustrated and upset that he's so selfish. What would you husbands out there do if your wife came home to you and suggested something like this? Let me just also put in that I've shown him many times before what I'd like him to do 'naturally', he's just not into any of 'those' things.

Answer 1

I think it's time you cut him off until he decides to be more giving to you. Sex is a two way street.... and by that I don't mean his way or the highway. I am a guy and men like that really pizz me off.

Answer 2

Geez... this guy needs some testosterone. First I'll say that I'm a christian, but I would have no problem with my wife bringing such a catalog home as long as it was stuff to be enjoyed only between the two of us and no porn crap.
Now when you say he has never gotten you to climax... now that really sux. I'm pretty sure my wife experienced it many times (I hope she wasn't faking it) and I know that even though we both go through periods when we just don't care as much about sex, it would suck if we missed out on that. My question to you is have you climaxed on your own or by using toys? and is that something you've done a lot? because if that's true, there can be a problem where it takes a lot more stimulation to get things warmed up since your body might be somewhat desensitized to stimulation.
Either way he should be willing to give you the same enjoyment he gets pretty much instantly, especially since you're telling him what you want him to do.
Sorry, I don't understand guys who are "not into any of those things". I don't think I'm anywhere close to a perv. but there's nothing wrong with helping your spouse enjoy sex.

Answer 3

Did he get upset because his ego was hurt? We all think we are the best lovers and to know you're not can be a real turn off. It becomes too painful to try-you almost know it will fail which makes the matter worse. If I don't give my partner an orgasm I feel a sense of failure that gets carried over making it doubly important next time. If he has had 18years of failing its a wonder he wants to even try-unless he is really selfish and feels you don't deserve one. I am only a man so orgasms come very easily for me-we are simple creatures biologically. Your orgasm comes from your feelings and thoughts not just his actions so it has to feel right. If you don't feel okay it won't happen irrespective of what he's doing. As much as it hurts your orgasms are more your responsibility than his. Its something you can try on your own to start with which may make it easier when you're together. Good luck PS I would be over the moon if mine suggested something to try. You can never have enough of a good thing!

Answer 4

Some men are self-conscious when it comes to this topic. His initial reaction is one that I'm sure many men share. Coming from a mans point-of-view, he thinks that he is not satisfying you (which you have already stated that he isn't) and that he is not enought "man" for you sexually. As a man, this hurts us to the core! My approach with my wife during sex is that I make sure that she has her orgasm first! Not every woman can acheive an orgasm; especially during intercourse. Is he orally stimulating you? If he is and its not working for you, tell him where you feel pleasure and tell him how much pressure to apply so that you can atleast get some satisfaction out of it. Don't let him "eat" you adn then waste his time because he will get into the pattern that "this is how she likes it" when clearly he is wrong. Correct him and explain to him what feels the best.
Also, have you tried masturbation when you are alone? Some people shy away from this because they feel that it is a form of cheating. My personal opinion is that orgasms are 90-95% mental. You have to get your mind cleared and focus on what you want to obtain. I knew a woman that told me that she could acheive an orgasm without physical stimulation! Sounds hard to believe but I really think that its true. When I was in my late teens, I used to think about trash and garbage so that I could prolong my "stamina". It worked for me every time. With you, try thinking of something sexy or provocative. The items at the HUSH party is a great start. Try imagining your husband watching or participating in your romantic encounters. You dont have to share your thoughts with your husband but if there is something that you think would benefit you, then by all means do so. I'm not an expert on sex but I can tell you that my wife and I have been married for 13 years and when still enjoy sex 2 or 3 times a week. I wish that I could introduce other "positions" or "encounters" with her but at the end of our session, we both obtain an orgams......and that is the main objectice when two people that love each other make love. If you have any questions that you would like to ask me then feel free to do so. I'm not shy about what I do.
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by the way...I'm 33 years old

Answer 5

I am a woman, but me and my husband are both answering your question. If I came home with a catalogue, my husband would sit down with me and go through the catalogue with me. When you've been together that long, new recipes can only do good in a marriage, and no harm, so his reaction is somewhat surprising. Unless he interpreted this gesture as a sign of your dissatisfaction with your sex life (which, actually, is the case if your hubby never got you to climax). He should be more co-operative. At the same time, if my husband brought home a sexy mag or a porn video, I'd be more than happy to engage in curiousity. An honest, truthful marriage is a happy one. Nothing wrong with what you're doing. He seems somewhat old fashioned, and needs to realise you need to be satisfied as well.

Answer 6

Listen, there is no point asking other husbands what they would do!

Husbands would either LOVE the fact that you were interested in your sex life, and if they were like that then you wouldnt have a problem, or if they were like your husband they would react like he did.

My husband loves the fact that i am willing to try new things and toys etc (and vice versa!).

I think now you have an opportunity to discuss this issue with him you shouldnt just let the chance pass. He obviously feels threatened in some way. This is ridiculous - but dont tell him that! - cos how can you be threatened by a plastic penis!

I assume you mean you'd like oral sex or something like that, and he is not into 'those' things means that he won't do it. I was married to someone like that but he is now my ex!

If your husband values your feelings and your marriage, he will sit up and listen when you talk!!!!

Answer 7

If I did not finish the job for my missus, she would never have married me in the first place, and, frankly, I'd be ashamed of myself.

However, after 18 years, it's going to come as a shock to him that things are going to change.

You know him best, but I'd go with one of three plans:
1) Break him down gently over time, get him drunk...try to make him believe it was his idea in the first place - you know, usual girl tactics.
2) Buy a toy, keep it secret, pack him off down the pub every now and then. He'll probably suspect, but he sounds like the sort of guy who'd rather pretend it wasn't happening.
3) Get a toyboy.

My wife has a toy for when I'm not there and that's fine. I would go along with using it if she asked - which she hasn't and it's something of a relief because I am crap with machinery and tend to break stuff on a regular basis. Probably why she hasn't let me anywhere near it.

Answer 8

My wife and I are very honest and open about these things and have been since the beginning. Too many guys see this sort of open discussion as a criticism. We're lucky, we both see it as a cooperative effort to make each other stupidly happy. :-)

(BTW, I suggest everyone who reads this start being open immediately. Putting off these discussions just makes it more likely the guy will wonder "how long has THIS been a problem?" and get defensive.)

Maybe get him talking about things he might want? If he's selfish that approach might work.

Answer 9

He does sound a bit odd. Most of us needed a bit of teaching early on and I enjoyed the anatomy lesson a lot and haven't forgotten where things are - just don't go there as often as I did when I was younger.

Everything in life needs a bit of spice from time to time. I think that it would be fun to experiment with the toys in your catalogue and entirely harmless. Surely in a marriage each partner wants to do the best for the other in all things - including sex?

Answer 10

His ego has been hurt, to tell any guy that they are not pleasuring you in bed is like them loosing their penis.

He should be thankful that you are not one of these women who go out and find themselves another man when things aren't going their way.

Tell him that you did not mean to hurt his pride but it is just difficult for you to climax through sex alone (there are plenty of women out there who need other stimulants to orgasm), that you need a little helping hand whether it be clitoral stimulation through using his hand or a vibrator.

Explain to him that is really nothing against him but that it will make you enjoy love making even more than what you already do, when he "opens his eyes" to sex toys etc you will BOTH enjoy making love together as you will be able to experiment with different things and each other.

Answer 11

phew...a toughie. He's threatened. Worse, you've somehow managed like this for 18yrs - men are (mostly) creatures of habit so changing after all this time is going to be V. V difficult. I don't subsribe to Can't and Impossible, but if he is really a wam-bam type guy and after 18yrs you haven't found a way to rev his "kinky" motor...If we assume his "kinky" button is there (just well hidden) then somehow, you need to manoeuvre the situation so it's his idea and he's in charge. A little help from his mates? movies? possibly make him jealous (ok, this is dangerous, but we're brainstorming here). On the other hand, have you taken complete charge and seduced him? Good luck