I will try to make a long story short. Last month, I found out (by accident, i wasnt snooping) my husband sent a porographic e-card to a woman he dated off and on for 20 years before we married. He said he sent it as a joke, he hasnt seen or talked to her in 3 years. Well, since then I have been snooping. On a day he was suppose to be seeing a client, I think he saw her instead. I found her number on the cell phone bill on that day. I dont know if he met for lunch, sex or what. I do know that she is loyal to their "friendship" and calling her would do no good. She would protect him. What should I do? Should I ask him why the calls, did he meet her for lunch? or should I stay quiet and wait? I have no absolute proof that he is cheating but I do have proof that something inappropriate is going on.
2006-11-08 05:17:52 · 13 answers · asked by yensenm 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To make a long story short. I have been married for 18 years when I found out(not by accident I was snooping) my husband had been cheating on me for 3 years that I no of. Only he and his whore no for sure.In my heart I knew something was wrong I just couldn't prove it until I started looking.When a husband cheats, his wife feels something is wrong she just doesn't want to believe her husband would or could do that to her.Husbands count on that trust they no their wives would never believe that they are capable of sleeping with another woman especially when she gives him everything he wants and needs.That is where we go wrong we don't and couldn't give a man what he really wants and that is someone different to have sex with.In a woman's eyes that makes him a horrible person but to him and his way of thinking it makes him human. their is only two things you can do. You can look the other way and pray it will end soon or leave him.One thing I wouldn't do is talk to him about the calls because all you will get is lies.I wish you all the luck in the world.
2006-11-08 06:25:29 · answer #1 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl I feel your agony. My wife is doing the same thing, except with a new "friend" not an old flame but still same actions. I called her out on it and asked, wrong thing to do. I asked her about the calls on her phone, and the late nights at work. Now the calls from her cell phone have stopped, and she leaves work on time. That would be all good and well except she works with this "friend". So has she really stopped, or does she wait until she gets to work? I do not know and now there is no way of finding out. Now my imagination runs wild and that is worse than when I had the cell phone and late nights as record. I do not have enough to hire a detective so I guess I blew my chances of finding out for sure because she is now more cautious.
2006-11-08 06:03:57 · answer #2 · answered by Joesmoe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did the phone call happen before or after he sent the card? one call to an old friend does not mean he is cheating with her ! and he wouldn't be stupid enough to call her from his cell which he knows you might see. since you are snooping already check his credit card bills for any strange charges. Most hotels ( classy ones at least ) require a credit card .
But I'm telling you , sending a card as a joke or a one time call to an old friend is not grounds for suspecting him of cheating. Good luck :)
2006-11-08 05:37:02 · answer #3 · answered by Samantha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can do is talk to him, unless you have the money for a P.I. Which most people don't. Think before you talk, ask your self what kind of action will you take, if he says he has been cheating. Are you able to get a divorce right now? Will you forgive him, if he asks for it? Give it another chance? What if you think he is lying about the whole thing and denies everything, what will you do after that. Be somewhat prepared before you talk to him.
2006-11-08 05:29:16 · answer #4 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Asking him would do no good, he would just come up with an explanation, and push the guilt back on you. Perhaps it was a one-time thing, and is innocent. Maybe not. But you won't find out by asking him.
If you really want to find out more - it's best to wait it out, and watch him. See if he calls her again, or sends e-mails, or has more "client meetings". One way to find out for sure is to hire a PI, but that could be expensive.
2006-11-08 05:25:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sending a pornographic e-card to someone else IS CHEATING. So now that he's already crossed a line, deal with it. Ask him if he is seeing her on the side and if something is going on. If he answers no, say that you trust him and will live with that. But if he's lying and you find out, you will leave him immediately and take everything. Then do it.
2006-11-08 05:26:52 · answer #6 · answered by Big Momma Carnivore 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
calling her would do u no good, but i would confront him, tell him u love him, and that your concerned about his love for u, and his intentions. i personally would want to know so i could make a decision on what road to take. we often times don't confront because we fear the outcome, it is actually the last thing we want to hear. but honestly if he can't be trusted and he is e mailing and even meeting someone else, he isn't being too fair to you. give him a choice to stop it, and if he refuses than it's going to take it's toll on how u see your marriage.we have to feel safe in our relationships, feel we are valued and loved, and if our husband is cheating on us, it's time to confront him, and tell him theres consequences. and if he leaves u, you will know he didn't really love u like he should have.
2006-11-08 15:37:33 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have no proof besides the e-card and cel number you don't have much to go on. You could ask him about it if it will ease your mind but if he has given you no reason to question his trust don't. Dwelling on it and thinking beyond an innocent call will cause more problems. Let it go for now and have trust in him, eventually all lies will surface but to accuse will sabotage a marriage.
2006-11-08 05:46:02 · answer #8 · answered by trojan 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You certainly need to be careful here..
It does not look good and he appears to be hiding his
meetings & communications with this woman which makes
it look even worse...
He does have a right to speak with & have lunch with an old flame
but it is not very wise and he should have been open and up-front
with you about it if he was not doing anything wrong...
2006-11-08 05:25:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Right now just keep your eyes open.
If you say anything his guard will go up and it will be harder to find out anything.
You may want to invest in a key logger for the computer. It records every key stroke so you can read what he's written.
2006-11-08 05:53:08 · answer #10 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋