Need advice.?

Question

My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I was married for 16 yrs and hv 3 kids w/ my ex. I speak to my ex daily.We are still friends. Sometimes a few times a day.When we speak we usually discuss issues about the kids.We do occassionally talk about things going on in our lives,her/my work, family, etc. We are both trying 2 be good parents even though we are not together. When my ex calls 2 talk about an issue I do not always answer. She calls me back several times until I answer the phone. My g-friend has an issue w/ the amount of times my ex calls my phone.She thinks my ex has not gotten over me and when she gets a new man in her life the calls will stop. I want the calls 2 continue because they are concerning our children. We are not the typical divorced parents who cant stand each other. My g-friend undersands that my exwife may call 7 or 8 times in a day, but I will only talk 2 her twice. I get angry when my g-frnd questions me abt the amount of calls.

I dont see a problem w/ it. I love my girlfriend but want the conversations with my ex wife to continue.

Answer 1

It sounds like jealousy has really overcome your girlfriend! If she is this way now...just think what it will be like if you two get married! She may just have that type of personality...! It is so hard to over come the "green-eyed monster"! Maybe she isn't right for you...

Answer 2

maybe it's just me but why do I get the feeling that your ex is trying to keep her presence in your life using the kids as an excuse ? ! Are her concerns the 7 or 8 times she calls you are all genuine or does it feel like she is making up excuses or problems just to call you and get you involved ? It seems to me like she is trying to make you feel a little guilty for leaving your kids and starting a relationship with another girl. that you are somehow neglecting your responsibility. Which I'm a 100% sure you are not. I can understand your girlfriend's perspective and feelings.. You can tell the mother of your kids ( which is basically all she is right now right? a friend ) that you would call her once in the morning and once at night to check up on the kid's will being , if need arises for something really important that requires your attention or immediate involvement your ex can call you. Ask her in a nice way to give you some space to start working on this new relationship you are having . Not that you are being a bad father or neglecting your kids but I'm sure that all those phone calls are not life and death problems. One question that popped into my head.. did your wife move on and found a new relationship of her own ?? and one more thing... don't discuss your problems or relationship with you new girl friend with your ex wife !!!! your ex knew you for over 16 years for gods sake.. she knows everything about you, she knows you inside and out.. but the new girl is learning all that.. so don't discuss her with your ex which is i'm sure is very understanding of you with phrases like... yea she ( the gf ) should know this by now.. she should know that this bothers you.. or yea I know you don't like that. she ( the gf ) maybe doesnt understand,,,,... Believe me.. it is not a good idea.

Answer 3

If it is really over with your ex, then i think you should arrange to have her call once a week to discuss your children. This is enough time to handle whatever needs to be done. If an emergency arises then a phone call is acceptable in case of injury or illness. Your girlfriend is right, you should not have to be on the phone that often and what's more WHY, if the marriage is over then let your ex get her own friend to chat with over life issues. You need to ask yourself----Is our marriage really over or am i just playing mind games? Staying on good terms and in touch is good for the children but too often is bad for the girlfriend or other person in your life. THE OLD SAYING " Have your cake and eat it too" comes to mind here with the ex. I think she knows the trouble she may be causing there, don't let her get in between you and yours.

Answer 4

Your GF needs to respect that your kids are 1/2 your responsibility. At the same time, your wife needs to respect that you have new GF.

You and your Ex will always have bond and need to be in contact because of the children.

Your GF may feel that your wife uses the children as an excuse to see how your doing and or if your happy. SOme people like to keep that power and relish in the misery of others. Not saying that your wife is like that but unless one of your kids is in the hospital near death. Nothing is important enough to call to the point of disruption of your new home.

It is all about respect and power. Right now, she has the power to make you jump cause of the kids.

Answer 5

I agree with the gf. Calling once a day or is there is a problem with the kids should be enough. Yall are divorced and act like yall are dating. I understand her calling about the kids, but that is all you need to talk about. She doesn't need to call just to discuss life in general. If the calls stop when she has a man, that should tell you something. I see your gf's point, it does sound like she is hanging on to you. Men don't know how women work and yall never will. You need to back off the calls. If you want to talk to her like that, then get back with her. Yall are divorced for a reason. I would suggest if you want to keep your gf then you better stop all the calls. You only need to talk to her when it pertains to the kids, other than that, it is overkill. Good luck.

Answer 6

Okay...I can totally relate to your girlfriend on this one. My husband and his ex-wife have a working relationship because they have a son together. She calls all the time, sometimes to talk about their son and sometimes just to talk to him, and sometimes I do get irked when she just calls to chat or tell him a joke...let me explain.

In the past, she was the one that left, but then after my husband moved on (with me) she wanted him back. She did some really disrespectful things to both me and my husband. Things are ten times better now, but I have never gotten an apology for the mean things she said, the rumor she started, you get the picture. I can understand why she did those things, her life was falling apart and instead of taking the blame herself, it was just easier to project that onto me. Here is my issue now. After all that, after everything that happened she wants to be friends with my husband, but still has a problem accepting me and our relationship. She wants to call all the time and talk to him, but he can't ever tell her what is going on in his life, because she can't take it. Basically, he just listens to her blabber on about the new guy shes dating or an old friend she ran into. She even called the other day to tell him that she was eating at the restaurant that they got engaged at. Who does that? It is a one sided friendship, she calls to talk to him and he listens to her talk. He never calls her to just talk, it is always her. If he calls, it is for a specific reason.

Now, I don't know if your situation is similar, but know this, all those excessive phone calls look shady. It comes accross like she is still trying to have a deep connection with you outside of the kids. If your girlfriends ex boyfriend was calling all the time to chat it up, how would it make you feel? I know it is a little different because of the kids, and if you keep your ex happy she probably offers up more info about the kids or lets you see them more, etc.

Ask yourself this, if the kids didn't exist, would you still have a friendship with your ex, or would you guys never talk again? I am thinking that you would say that you would never talk again and your ex would say that you would. If this is the case then she is expecting more and probably getting more out of this friendship then you are.

Don't get too angry with your girlfriend, she is a little jealous and honestly jealousy isn't so horrible sometimes. Worry about the day she isn't jealous about anything you do. Try being a little more sympathetic to her. Maybe avoiding your ex's calls when you are around your girlfriend and make a comment like, "If it's important she will leave a message. I don't want to waste time talking to her when I am with you." Sometimes even the most confident of ladies need a little reassurance from our man and it is difficult sharing your man with another woman.

I am curious on how your ex would take it if you re-married. If you think it would be hard on her, then your girlfriend has every right to question your ex's motives for calling all the time. Honestly, your girlfriend is not upset with you, she is just frustrated with your ex-wife and might someday in the future expect you do something about the current situation.

BTW, I think it is really great that you have been able to maintain a relationship with your ex for the kids, it might just be too good of a relationship.

Answer 7

Talk to your ex-wife and ask her to keep the calls to a minimum(2). I am glad to hear that you keep the communication lines with your ex open...most don't end that way. As long as you are talking about the kids, how the family is, or whatever, then I don't see a problem. As long as the convo. doesn't go further, like about the past or reconnecting. You need to assure your gf that there is nothing to worry about. Sounds to me like she has some jealousy issues, and doesn't think about the fact that she is with a concerned caring parent. Good luck! :)

Answer 8

I think your ex-wife should have a little more tact and allow you the opportunity to call her back instead of filling up your voice mail with calls. I can see where your girlfriend might have a problem with this.

I see no problem with the two of you having a healthy relationship and being good parents, however you are more than just a parent, and your ex should respect your girlfriend just a little bit here.

Answer 9

There is no woman going to put up with that...Why don't you just go back to your ex...Seems to me that you are both still connected more ways then one...And you can be Friends but not everyday Friends....its not your ex needs that matter any more...It is your Wife's needs you need to worry about ...Or you will be alone because no wife is going to put up with that's just asking a little to much...How would you like it....If the shoe was own the other foot....You would not put up with that not one second....You will lose your girl Friend if it don't stop because it is a very important issue to Her......To much is enough....God bless you in your decisions

Answer 10

Since you want to be a good father and remain on friendly terms with your ex, you are just going to have to tell you girlfriend that you understand her concern, but this is not going to change. You need to make it clear to her that you need to do what you are doing for the benefit of the kids. She either needs to accept it and quit her complaining and jealousy or move on.

Good for you for putting your children first!