He has been caught looking for sexual relations online which then led to him confessing, 'at one time I thought I might be bisexual...but I found out I'm not.' We start to see a therepist this week. How in the world am I ever going to trust him again? Which is the only way I'm going to be able to stay married to this man. (we just got married 2 months ago) Part of me wants to leave and get the relationship over with and part of me thinks I should at least try therepy and go from there. I can't imagine telling our families, friends and co workers that we didn't even last 3 months as a married couple! I've been humiliated enough, so has he, and I don't think I could go through more public humiliation. Is that a selfish and childish reason to stay in it? Probably. I just don't know how I'm going to make it thru today, let alone the next year. Anyways, I know that to get over this I'm going to have to try to trust him again. How do I do that?
2006-11-08 04:30:00 · 15 answers · asked by ihateyou 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would suggest both you & hubby go to a Christian church in your neighborhood.. Talk to a pastor and ask for prayer, it is free and you'll see definite results. (Maybe not instantly, but within some months yes.) God restored my marriage and is better than before...He can do it for you but you need to have Faith in Him. Plus you both need to ask Jesus in your heart.
God says:
Jer 29:11-13
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity.
Seek Him.
You can also try reading "Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian. Your hubby can start reading "Power of a Praying Husband" It is an eye opener in life, marriage, prayer & God.
You see 2 yrs. ago there was infidelity in my marriage. satan was telling me how unhappy I am in my marriage etc...and I started throwing divorce at my husband here and there. I praise God my husband was patient with me. I started praying about it bc I knew Prayer is Powerful. My husband prayed too. Some months went by and I started looking at my marriage in a different perspective. There was forgiveness which is very important. I was more loving and not so negative. I had joy and bitterness had left.
Satan wants to destroy you & hubby. DON"T LET HIM!
I pray you & your hubby choose Jesus! The truth will set you free. Not the lies that satan is whispering to him & you.
God Bless!
2006-11-08 09:07:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is something that is earned and he has to be willing to seek help and talk openly about his feelings. Accountability is a biggie!
Re-establishing trust happens over time and don't be surprised if he makes a few stumbles along the way(can you handle that?).... but since you know his area of vulnerability, it'd be wise to monitor him and have the computer out in the open, not in the bedroom/computer room......getting rid of the internet would be the other option.
You don't say how long you two dated before getting married and that leaves me to wonder how well you knew him ---- before getting married.
If you really are willing to go through this difficult time with him, then you have to have some counseling as well to learn about what he's dealing with and how you can help him; also unload your anxieties over this situation.
If you decide not to, then the only thing the family should hear is that you and him are divorcing because you both couldn't be in a marriage where there wasn't mutual love.
2006-11-08 04:53:55 · answer #2 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you give him a third chance, he may end up seriously maiming you for life, or killing you. The violence as you can see, always escalates. You are not all he needs to stop being an alcoholic.... the answer doesn't lie with you (sorry), the answer lies within him, and he has to hit rock bottom before he convinces himself he must change. If he thinks all he needs is you, and then he remains alcoholic, then you pay the price, and he gets to blame you. You need to leave him NOW (cancel your lease, or at least go talk to your landlord about putting the lease in your hubby's name... just tell landlord you have 'marital issues' not that he's alcoholic or else the landlord will NOT want hubby there and will hold YOU responsible.). Do not go back until he's been sober for six months. First the proof and the evidence, THEN the last chance... but if you want to know what I really think, I think don't ever go back.
2016-05-21 22:04:46 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget trust.
Just keep him. He was looking for something he isn't getting.
Do strange naughty things to him all the time. Find out what is missing.
What is the worst? He'll think you are silly?
He'll love you for trying.
Always keep him guessing what may be next.
It's OK to slow it down ... Just wammo hit him with another thing out of the blue every now and then he never expected from you.
He's yours to keep or lose.
Trust is not the issue.
Keep him tired out, expecting god knows what, and busy.
This problem will not exist.
BTW I tried the BI thing when I was younger. I'm not.
How does that make me bad? It actually makes me comfortable in the fact I know I'm not.
I chalk it up as Good experience and quieting to my soul.
I reread your post... Hard to telll... You think he may be gay?
Ya that is a problem. known guys that even had kids.
You need to address that with him. If that is the case you still have a shot at friends and moving on.
Not your fault if that is it love.
Never mind the peer pressure. This is about you love.
2006-11-08 04:36:46 · answer #4 · answered by Kaustaub 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is bisexual then I think that you should run the other way before you contract some kind of disease. There are so many people who fall pray to the internet thing. I think a good book to read is every man's battle by arterburn and stoeker with yorkey. It will make you see what a problem all men struggle with. It would be very good for your husband to read also. There is a series of books on this kind of thing. The next book in the series is every man's marriage. I would pray without ceasing.
2006-11-08 04:38:28 · answer #5 · answered by Julie J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it really fair for YOU to have to start off a marriage with major issues, because he was deceptive to you? He knew all along that he was not the marriage material that you were looking for, and he was not forthcoming enough to let you make this decision for you life. It's almost like he tricked you into making this decision, and after the fact, he shows who he has been all along. You should not have to carry this burden around. The first couple of years of marriage are hard enough with out all of this stuff to sort through. Is the quality of life going to be good staying with him? Are you going to have to worry every time he is alone with a computer??? Trust takes a long time to build and a second to destroy...I really hope that you do what is best for YOU!!! And not try to carry on with this burden for fear of being humiliated. I really wish you well and my heart goes out to you. I just hope that you do what is right by you and no one else!
2006-11-08 04:48:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to Barnes & Noble or Borders or whatever and look for Dr. Laura Books She's a family therapist and her books are really good. Sounds likey ou really love your husband- try to workt hings out before you give up on the relationship. But- be careful and keep your guard up. Watch yopur husbands' behavior closely now. If he seems like he's really sorry and wants to work things withy ou give him a chance but if he seems negative and repulsive- it just means he's looking for a way out .
2006-11-08 04:33:47 · answer #7 · answered by Ms.Budonkadonk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are plenty of books but i dont think you need them. a book isnt gonna make u feel any better and they do have wonderful suggestions but u actually have to be willing do them. the question u need to ask yourself is can you truely forgive him move on and not bring it up anymore and move past it. when u can answer that then u have your answer. best of wishes to you i hope the best for you but in the end if u are unhappy why waste both of your lives when u both can move on and be happy and dont worry about what ppl think or being humilated im sure they have problems u dont even know about and those secrets would probly be revielled in your time of need. good luck.
2006-11-08 04:37:56 · answer #8 · answered by nuzzihuzzi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take my advice....if he is going on the internet looking for men....he is gay...he just is having a hard time admitting it to himself.
Don't be like my sister, who had an inkling early on after they were married......and stayed had two kids, for him to finally come out and admit that he was gay.
As hard as it is, the both of you have to get honest here, as his wife and friend, encourage honesty...even if it means the end of the two of you.
With this hanging over your head...you may never fully trust him again. Make it safe for him to tell you the truth. and then take it from there. My heart goes out to you.
Get out before you involve lives of your future children....this is not an easy lifestyle to explain.
2006-11-08 05:06:39 · answer #9 · answered by Wild seed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is so hard the situation you are in. But if you took your vows seriously, then you need to go to counseling and try from there. He is also going to have to be honest with himself, you and the counselor. If after counseling, give it at least a good year, and he still has not changed then I would consider divorcing because that is all you can do if the counseling does not work. The person has got to want to change. Good Luck.
2006-11-08 04:33:55 · answer #10 · answered by Marie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋