my girlfriend has had bad past:(?

Question

right.she is 16.and ive been dating her for 1 month. we are getting along well,but only one thing,she never told me about her past. she has a mum that beat her up.before she went to live with her dad,she used to get really badly beaten by her mum:(. thumping.vases been thrown at her head. i may sound like a complete prick but when i offered to give her support and comfort she said theres no point ive put up with it for 3 years so i can deal with it now. i only try to help.but i dont know what to do:( thank you for any advice you care to give me:D

John

Answer 1

When a young lady goes through something like this, they put up a wall, to protect themselves. They aren't used to being "cared" for in the way you are trying to help her. She comes off tough, but I bet deep down she really needs what you have to offer.

If you really like this girl, hang in there. She might come around in time... It's hard to trust when you've been in this type of situation. It's not something that will happen over night or next week, but give her time, and be good to her, and it might just work out.

Answer 2

Hi John - You sound more caring than anything else, so start by giving yourself a break for trying to help your girlfriend. Is she safe with her father? Her current status would be the most important thing to address - making sure she isn't being abused any more. If there is any abuse now, convince her (or do it yourself) to report the abuser to a social worker or to the police because it has to stop. If she is safe with her father, she will still need some help. The experience with her mother will have left her with scars and she should get support from a professional. If you want to try again you could get some information from a child helpline or other resource center and pass it on to your girlfriend so she knows what's available. Do some searching on the internet for resources close to where you live, there's lots of information that will be helpful. Good for you for being supportive, but when you've given it your best to convince her to get help and she still won't, don't blame yourself - you can only offer - and the rest is up to her.

Answer 3

It can be very difficult for a person to talk about issues that are so personal and painful, and that fact that she has shared that much with you thus far just shows that she is trying to be comfortable with trusting you with these issues and feelings that she has to deal with. If you continue to be there for her, she will continue to open up, although it may be a slow process. You dont have to be to "pushy" to be there for her either, just let her know in a subtle way that you are, as it is going to be on her own terms and when she is ready that the two of you will be able to get into it more. Most important is to just show her support and love and that not all people that surround her are there to hurt her... Best Wishes... (She has a wounded heart, but she is apparently a very strong young lady.. so it's good to treat her as one rather than as a weak pup).

Answer 4

Your a good man J, most people would freak out if their gf said that to them,....i agree with the rest of them you should be there for her but don't nark her about it because it will only make matters worse...if she's willing to tell you such a dark secret like this it proves that she obviously likes you quite a lot...so stick in their and don't be afraid to give her some help and advice when she's feeling down...good luck mate;)

Answer 5

it is distressing to know that someone you care about has been through a difficult time. if she is still experiencing this abuse then maybe you could support her in talking to her dad about it (as it seems she has a better relationship with him) if it is over now maybe she just needs time to recover and knowing that you are there if she needs to talk or support to seek support from professional is enough for her. you sound like a caring guy - hope things work out well for you both x

Answer 6

Well i think your doing a good job at least your aware of the situation and have offered to help just be there for her she might need someone to talk to about it one day so dont push her wait till she feels comfortable for you to give her help.

Good Luck

Answer 7

Just try and enjoy the relationship, i wouldnt bring it up. Just wait untill shes ready to open up. People are stronger than you think so dont worry too much. As long as she knows she has support and is loved by people thats all you can do.

Answer 8

If you have asked her how you can help and she doesn't want any, then you need to let her get past it. Don't bring it up, let her tell you. And show her a good time and how fun life can be, regardless of her past. It may take her some time, but support her as much as you can. Good luck! :)

Answer 9

this girl has been hurt by the one person who shouldnt ever hurt her child.just give her some time and listen to her when she is ready to talk.she may think she cant trust u but she will eventually this is a new relationship so give it time.if she is dealing withthe problem she will need someone who wont judge her decisions, u can give her your advice but watch what u say u dont want to upset her.

Answer 10

She clearly thinks a lot of you if she has finally decided to share these issues with you. I think you should just carry on as normal. She says she has everything under control and you have told her that you will help her if she needs it. I am sure she will talk to you more about it when she feels ready.