Bullying at school - what should I do next?

Question

I've asked here before about this subject - and I need some more advice.

My 10 year old boy is being systematically bullied at school by quite a few different children - but 2 in particular. It's bullying of the worst kind - kicking, punching, name calling etc. Every day after school he has a new bruise to show me.

I wrote a formal letter of complaint to the head, and then went in for a meeting with her, the class teacher and the deputy. Of course, they were very sympathetic etc - but that doesn't get us very far.

Today I was stopped at the gates by a mum who told me that she'd just had to rescue my Jack who was lying on the ground being kicked by two boys. She told me that she was so upset by what she'd seen that she felt close to tears.

This school has a "no blame policy" and as far as I can tell, there are no punishments either - just a telling off, which does no good at all.

I'm at my wit's end - what do I do? Can I inform the police - and if I do, will they act?

These kids are 10 so therefore over the age of criminal responsibility. Frankly, I'd like to see a policeman turn up on their doorstep.

Sorry, folks - unable to pick a best answer for this one. So much great advice, all of which I've taken on board. Thank you to everyone that answered.

Answer 1

yes you should involve the police as you now have an independent witness. I would also talk again to the school and warn them that if this is not resolved you will contact the board of governors and the media. It may be the kick up the jacksy that they need. whoever heard of a 'no blame policy' that's just plain ridiculous

Answer 2

I would just like to say that I'm very sorry to hear that your son is being bullied at school and it's wrong for children to be able to harm other children like that whether it be emotionally or physically- it is unacceptable and should be stopped.

I read you question and researched a bit on the internet and found this site for you. It may be useful... http://www.bullying.co.uk/parents.php

I'm only 17 and I have seen a fair lot of bullying in my schooling life. As you have already mentioned, you have spoken to the school and they haven't done much about it. Informing the police may be a good idea however, because they are 10, the police probably will not be able to do anything anyway.

It would be an idea to talk to the parents of the bullies and discuss the problems. No pointing fingers at each other but just to sit down and talk about the situation and how it is affecting your son's life. You may find that the bullies actually have emtional problems themselves which is why they take it out on your son. Or they may have had a really bad childhood or family relationships at home.

Even though your son is 10, you should talk to him too. See what he wants. I think it would be wise to ask him beforehand whether or not he would be comfortable moving to a different school. Possibly make it appealing, such as, you'll meet new friends and there won't be any bullies in the new school, the teachers are really nice. Do you know of any other of your son's friends who do go to a different school to the one he is currently at?

If either you or your son would like to contact me, feel free. I hope you manage to sort this problem out before it gets much worse! All the best!

Answer 3

Donna, you know i was in the same boat as you here, as i told you before. I'll admit at one point i did react after my daughter was sexually assaulted and the head told me it was normal boys stuff. I grabbed his testicles and asked him how he liked it.
But then i saw sense, i sent him a letter stating that in these times of children commiting suicide because of bullies the press are very keen on exposing schools that ignore it. I asked for the boys mum to be given a formal warning that if it did not stop he would be removed from school. I said that if this did not happen i would inform the local press and also see if the national press would run the story. I consulted my local paper and explained and they said they would gladly take up the story and even phoned the head for me. And guess what, up to now the bullying has stopped. I don't know if this helps you.

One last thing, i know somebody else suggested it and you didn't like the idea but Martial Arts. They DO NOT teach kids to fight, they teach them to defend, i have done one and my brother has taught for many years and now my kids go and they are only 8 and 5. It teaches them to get out of headlocks and arm locks without being violent. It also gives them confidence and fitness. It has also helped mine make many new friends and socialise. Give it a thought, a decent instructor who is aware of your sons plight may be a godsend to you. Also when your son shows the bullies that they can't keep hold of him you'd be surprised how quickly they're confidence vanishes. Good luck honey..

Answer 4

As someone who was bullied at junior school in a very similar way I say to you action has to be taken RIGHT NOW!

Unfortunately back in the early seventies there was no anti-bullying policy required by schools and I believe the law is tougher now too.

Mentally the hardest thing I found to cope with was the feeling of being the only victim and that I could see no end to the bullying. At his age it is hard to imagine growing up and leaving school and the bullies behind or to see that others are being bullied too. Whatever you decide to do your son needs to know that eventually this will stop.

What kept me sane was knowing that my parents cared.

Answer 5

Well my darling I have always thought bullying is a fact of life and at some point we all experience it and it makes us stronger. We actually learn from it but physical violence is a step too far, its a criminal act and these little hooligans deserve to be taught a lesson, talk to the police.
Saying that what does your son say? He might not want the police involved because in the long term it may make things worse for him at school.
I think the only solution is for you to move to Grimsby with me, we can all have a fresh start.

P.S. I love you Donna

Answer 6

That makes me really, really angry. No 10 year old should have to go through that. I suggest you do what everyone is saying- talk to the police now and see what they will do to help, and tell the school. Don't be nice- they sounds pretty f**king useless so tell them you don't want their sympathy, you just want them to know what you're doing, so they can warn the children's parents if they see fit. I wouldn't bother trying to speak to the parents directly, if their children are such nasty creatures they might be even worse, and it could make everything worse.

Send him to self-defence classes and look into options for a different school in the area if all else fails.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I would change schools ASAP!! It's ridiculous that these children are getting away with such a thing! If it was my child i would walk up in that school and jerk those boys out of their seats. Of course we both know you can't do that but it's gone too far! Take your son out and put him somewhere he will be safe or have it out with their parents. I hope you do the right thing, i've heard too many stories were the ones being bullied come to school with shot guns and take it out on the kids hurting them.

Frankly you should get the police involved since there are witnesses and bruises to prove what these children are doing to your son, before someone really gets hurt.

Answer 8

talking to their parents might be a bad idea becaus ethey might not care. That could make u even more mad. If you would like to speak with the parent i suggest bringing a policeman there with you to get it down on record and let the bully's parents know you are serious. Contact the police and tell them about the school. Have them go up there. Definetly call the police and talk to them about it.

Answer 9

Contact the parents of the children, they probably don't even know this is happening. Or get the school principal to set up a meeting where you can have all of you there. This needs to be stopped and this children will not learn anything until they are taught a lesson.

Answer 10

Drop off your child normally, but then discreetly follow him with a video camera; capture the abuse on tape and take the tape to the principal AND the District Administration (since the school head did nothing before).

Threaten a lawsuit against the school district for negligence AND to send the tape to the media if they do not finally act. Interview your child and make a journal of all dates where he was attacked; you'll need this should you sue the school district.

Their fear of media attention should get them to jump; take pictures of your child's bruises as a record.

Nothing makes criminals or those who ignore it run away faster than cold, hard proof.