My husband and I live in a small town in Kentucky. Pretty much the only job openings around are McDonald's and a 15 hour a week Minit Mart job. I work in a different town that takes about 30 minutes to get to every day and make okay money... but it's also a small town and I just lucked up on finding this job. We've gotten behind on bills and we have to ask my parents sometimes to let us borrow $100 here, $20 there just to get to my next pay check. My husband has 3 different possibilities of a job where they had to send his application to their corporate office before they can hire him... but my parents still claim that he's lazy and won't do anything. When they tell him he needs to go get a job, it makes him depressed because he's doing all he can right now and his depressed time is not short lived. It lasts weeks which pushes back him being out job hunting or following up on these other jobs. How do I get my parents to leave him alone? Answers bashing my husband are not welcome.
2006-11-08 04:11:50 · 13 answers · asked by KC 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For the record- we also only have 1 car so travel is an issue.
2006-11-08 04:24:31 · update #1
1. Continue to be supportive of your husband
2. Find ways, whenever possible, to stretch your money as far as it can go so you don't have to go to your parents for anything
3. Tell your parents that you don't appreciate them bashing your husband. He is doing the best he can; as long as you're fine with it, they should be too. If they can't be kind or supportive, then tell them to please keep their opinions to themselves. Remind them that, up until this rough patch, they had no reason to doubt him. You don't mean any disrespect, but they need to respect you as a grown married woman and show some compassion.
4. See if there are some social services or other avenues where your husband can get counseling to help him with his depression.
You may get some flack from them; they may give you lip about lending you money. Hold your ground and support your husband, that's all you may be able to do- and that's what's most important.
2006-11-08 04:25:23 · answer #1 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your parents are only looking out for you. They should remember your are grown and married so this is you and your husband problem. But once you involve them in borrowing money this also kind of makes it their business. Not to say it really is but when you continue to ask someone for loans of course they are going to butt in. Next time you need a loan think about whether you want to get them involved. Also I don't mean anything but if he wants a job all he has to do is look because there is jobs no matter where you live or how big or small the town is. He could also travel a distance to work.
2006-11-08 04:17:22 · answer #2 · answered by Krinta 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No WAY!!!!! His gambling addiction is his problem and his alone, YOU ARE NOT THE CAUSE of it in any way. People with addictions always try to blame somone else for them, becasue they do not have the emotional maturity to take responsibilty for their actions. Addicts families can also blame others for their childs addiction because they do not want to face the truth about what kind of person their child is and that he has issues, serious ones. Some parents are afraid to see that because they think it will refect badly on the way they raised their child or on them personally, so they usually blame the partner. Yes, addicts of all kinds usually start fights so they can go and indulge in their addiction. Gamblers are very sick, they will screw with your head and your money. Take care of yourself and your children, and do NOT let anyone blame you for this. We all get stressed, but it doesn't mean we all go out and gamble. That is just another excuse. Typical addict textbook stuff. Stay strong.
2016-05-21 22:04:00 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell your parents exactly what you told us. That is hurts his feelings when they say things like that to him and that they need to stop. Tell them he is doing all he can to get a job and support from them instead of nagging would help everyone out in the end. Until then, don't tell your parents what is going on in your life, and if you have to ask for money from them, give them as little information as possible. If you tell them exactly what the situation is and how it is affecting your life, they should stop acting the way they are. It isn't helping anyone and it sure isn't helping his job situation!! Just be upfront with them.
2006-11-08 04:33:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's has to realize that the only way they will get off his(and your) back is by following up on the jobs and continue job hunting. He can't afford to get too down on hisself and stop looking for work.
Also, when discussing his job search with your parents be as vague as possible. If they are not helping the situation (suggesting companies, helping find side jobs) then they don't need to know all your business.
2006-11-08 04:15:44 · answer #5 · answered by www.treasuretrooper.com/186861 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i can understand how your husband feels, but you both have many options to consider you could move to the small town where you work thus save on the drive back and forth every day, plus it would free up the car for him to drive around and look for work, he could drive in with you one day, and spend the day looking for work there. as for your parents i would tell them that because your husband is having such a hard time to find work where you live, that you are considering moving as a result. if you do this i think your parents will back off because they will see that you are both taking it seriously
2006-11-08 04:59:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't... By involving your parents in your financial and personal lives, you're opening yourself up to unwelcome advice. It will serve you both best to try and not take it too personally - after all, your parents want nothing but the best for you and your husband. One way to shut them up once and for all is to not ask for money; however, if you DO ask them for help, you must accept the costs of doing so.
2006-11-08 04:17:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
talk to your parents and tell them that your husband is trying his best to get a job. let them know they need to stop calling him lazy because that is not helping the situation. it takes time to find a good job, no matter where you live.
2006-11-08 04:14:58 · answer #8 · answered by S 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
keep your parents away from your husband........your parents do not know your husband like you do.......it could be they don't even see him as a person with feelings.......just as some random person which they obviously do not respect or like...parents can get really weird after their kids marry, especially if they were not the ones to pick the spouse for their child which is stupid because no one asks parents first before they fall in love with someone...keep your parents away from your husband wait until they start to act like grown-ups......good luck
2006-11-08 04:29:42 · answer #9 · answered by non-curious 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I live in a small Kentucky town too, and have to drive 30 miles each way to work. While he's sitting on his butt watching t.v., he should be out collecting cans or working at that McDonalds.
2006-11-08 04:21:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋