Marriage and pregnancy?

Question

Why are some people always that you HAVE to be married to have kids? Or just judge you if you are pregnant and not married? I believe this is nonsense, Im 30 weeks pregnant and got married only a month ago if it was up to me I would have waited untill the baby was born or even more but my husband wanted me and the baby in his life insurance and we wanted to make a will to protect our baby's future, we have been living together for 3 years and there is no difference now that we have a marriage certificate, I dont think I was a bad women because I wasnt married, living with him and pregnant, We have a stable & healthy relationship and that is what a baby needs. It drives me insane when I see people saying its sad that you are not married and having a baby or people that think they are better because they are married and are always flauting it in your face. They trash an 18 year old if she is expecting and not married but if she is then she is smart and a good person.

I dont regret any of the chioces I have made and Im glad I got to live with my husband before I married him that way I knew what I was getting myself into and didnt have any surprises. I do feel bad for the people that only get married because they want to have sex and some people requiere marriage to have sex, marriage is a big commitment and some people jump into it without thinking to sooner than later get a divorce

Yes I am a religious person I believe and love God, He knows Im not perfect and still he loves me and blesses me everyday and I thank him everyday, That is my point of view

Answer 1

I think some people continue to hold on to the idea that a "nuclear family" is the best family - meaning, a man and a woman get married and have children in that order. Who knows why people feel the need to pass judgement. Believe me, if they aren't judging you because of that, they'll be judging you because of what method of pain management (if any) you use at the hospital, what brand of bottles you use (if any), whether or not you breast feed and what kind of shoes you put on you baby - hard sole, soft sole, no shoes at all. The most important thing for that baby is that you and the father love each other and love your baby and you do it together. My children absolutely adore my boyfriend. I married their father because I got pregnant quite by accident with our first. He begged me to marry him and I did - 3 kids later, we called it quits. We knew we rushed into things and we did things to each other that were so hurtful - and we did them so soon in our marriage. We only dated for 5 months before we got married anyway. However, our children love our significant others. My boyfriend lives with us and the kids tell everyone he's part of our family. It's all about the love in the family...whether or not the kids feel safe....whether or not they can feel the love. Kids will thrive in an environment of love and respect. Take your judgements from them!

Enjoy the baby and enjoy your husband. He sounds like a very caring man with a good head on his shoulders! Good luck to you all!

Answer 2

I totally agree with everything you have said. The problem is America it is very behind the times, plenty of people in the UK have relationships, live together and have children they don't need to be married and noone looks down on them for it.
I've only ever noticed this stinking attitude when I come on here and all these America people see young teenagers who are pregnant and are disgusted but as sooon as someone is married or is planning on it then yeh she is so smart and knows what she wants in life. Personally I think it's stupid to get married just because you are having a baby, you should live together first get to know each other properly. A wedding means nothing when it comes to relationships, there is still divorce, it guarantees nothing.

Answer 3

Does it really matter what other people think? There are many close minded people out there who feel its their responsibility to push their beliefs on others, even if that means insulting them, as shown in an above comment. You are going to have to learn to let those people go on trying to push their opinions on other people. They will never change, and they really think that what they do is right.
If you always do what you believe is right in your heart, then you can't go wrong. Does that mean you won't make mistakes? Nope. We all do. So what happens if your marriage doesn't last? You will be a stronger person because of the lessons you've learned, and you will pick up and move on, with God's greatest gift, your child.
So brush those idiots off and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. You will miss it when its over. :)

And yes, I was a teen mom, and also married as a teen...We are now going on 10 years, happier than ever....Good luck!

Answer 4

i have an 8 yo girl and am so happy that i decided against marriage to her father, he now has no contact with her since she was born talk a bout dead beat. I also have a 2 yo girl and i didnt marry her father til this past may. we have been together for 4 1/2 years and he is the greatest daddy to both my girls. good for you and dont let anyone talk smack. they are probably jealous that people can have happy and healthy relationships without the certificate. I would not have done anything different in any of my decisions and im glad you dont either. more power to you and us women that dont let society decide our lives for us.

Answer 5

I had 2 kids with my husband before we got married, we lived together for 5 years before we got married and we could've went on that way. The only reason we ran up to the church is because my sister arranged and paid for the wedding and my mom bought the wedding rings, trying to give us a hint yes I'd say so, so we got married and I don't regret it but I don't think you should have to be married to have kids, you can lead a perfectly happy life with someone without changing your last name and getting that little slip of paper!!!

Answer 6

I was 18 and on the pill when I got pregnant for my daughter. A woman came up to us in the grocery store once and was telling me how gorgeous she was and I said thanks. She said is that your sister? I told her no. She quickly changed her demeanor and stuck her nose up in the air. She walked away and mumbled, Babies having babies. So I have been looked down upon before. I graduated high school one year early too. You would think she would've praised me for taking responsibilty for my child. But, sadly, there are still some ignorant people out there. I am no longer with the father, but have been married to a man in the Air Force for 4 years, and am working on baby #2. My daughter looks identical to me, so people who aren't close to us, don't even know she's not his. I say, to he!! with what people think. Everyone's circumstances are different. You do what you have to do. What doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger. All of my daughter's teachers say how brilliant she is and tells us we're great parents for only being 23. They've encouraged us to have more, because we've done so well with her.

Answer 7

I was almost 8 months pregnant with my first when I married my husband. Some people just do not understand. We wanted to get married, but had to wait until we graduated, etc. I think a lot of people just miss the "family values" from the 50's.....you know----when people hid what was really going on and pretended to be the Cleavers.

Answer 8

well if u think thats bad try being judged for this.........
I was married but seperated and waiting on money to get divorced but figured why wait to be with someone after all i had been seperated for a year from my ex. Well i found someone and moved on with my life and i got pregnant so i wasnt with my husband. but with someone new. I also have religious beliefs but the way i see it this is the way it was suppose to happen for me and god wont give you anything you cant over come. but i will soon be finalizing my divorce and its going through the system now and i will be marrying next year. and true christians shouldnt bash other ppl anyways if they are true christians. god loves everyone. but i understand being judged.

Answer 9

ok so to all these people who believe that GOD wants u to be married before u have kids... Just remember GOD creates us. and obviously if u get pregnant before ur married then that MUST have been the way GOD wanted it otherwise it wouldn't have happened. grow up and stop criticizing people for stupid things that are sometimes out of their hands. if ur pregnant and not married then so be it. just remember GOD has a plan for all of us. for some it's getting pregnant and for others it's not getting pregnant. Some should see it as lucky that god graced u with kids at all. it doesn't matter if ur maried or not.

Answer 10

Im preganant as well but not married, I dont even see the father of my baby. I havent really experienced any negative reactions but im sure I will!. The main thing that matters though is my baby and thats all im thinking about!. Even facing life as a single mum but I have good support anyway.