very terrible that happen over 20 years ago,,,everytime you run into her at the store...IT IS LIKE SHE PRIDES HERSELF ON MOBIDITY...but i do not know...should i just say..."oh, my gosh, we don't relive that terrrible time"...why would you ask?...Put her on the spot...(Normally i am non-confrontational)....what to do with a person like her???
2006-11-08 03:40:05 · 3 answers · asked by sweet 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
Very likely such a person does not see herself as morbid -- which she is -- but as caring and concerned. What she doesn't realize is that every single time she brings it up, it's like she rips the scab off a wound that is still tender.
You need to be direct and say, "When you mention this incident, it brings back bad memories and makes me feel bad. I'd rather move on and try to heal my life, and to do that, I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention it again." That's a very reasonable request.
If she can't abide by it, then she may be passive-aggressively hostile and looking, in a morbid way, to bait you. She may thrive on being a "foul weather friend" -- ie, someone who loves to be there and be depended on when people are low, but who hates it when people start getting better. It's not a functional emotional response at all.
She simply needs to be told, but practice saying this a few times first so your voice won't betray too much emotion because she's likely to feed off this. You're going to have to confront her. Obviously she's not picking up your non-verbal cues of emotional discomfort that I'm sure you send out.
Don't allow her to turn this around. Don't allow her to become a martyr, or to claim that she CARES about you. If she uses that line, then tell her that if she really cared, she'd respect your feelings and not mention it because it makes you uncomfortable. That's all a reasonable person needs to hear to change her behavior.
If and when you run into this person again, be prepared. She may "accidentally forget" (which is passive aggressive hostility) and try the same thing on you. In that case, without saying a word, turn and walk the other way. There is no better way to let someone know that what they said was unwelcome and intrusive than to turn your back and walk. It's non-confrontational but it sends a powerful message. And I'd bet you that she never does it again after that!
Good luck. Sorry you have to deal with a boor (boar?).
Cheers, K
P. S. I had a best friend who constantly brought up how I should have a baby after she had hers and was over the moon. I have never wanted a kid. I tried all the above, and we are now no longer "best" friends, but more of long-term acquaintances.
Sounds like this woman isn't a best friend, but just someone you see occasionally, so maybe you won't have to suffer through having to hit her over the head with any major confrontation. I had to confront my friend and tell her that her happiness would be my personal hell, and things were never the same after. But such is life, and it's her loss that she didn't realize that not everyone lives their lives the same way. I wish she had been more respectful of my life choice.
2006-11-08 03:50:12 · answer #1 · answered by Kate 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell that woman to mind her own business.
2006-11-08 15:38:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't understand your question, but if this helps:
tell her "that was it was so long ago, i barely remember it." and change the subject.
2006-11-08 11:47:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋