How do we get out of the rut we are in?

Question

My husband and I have only been married 6 months, together for 4 years and already things have gone rather boring in and outside the bedroom! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. X

Answer 1

Just do different things. Light up some candles in the bedroom and put on some music, take a bubble bath together, buy some new lingerie, attack him in public, etc. Just throw in some extra stuff and it will get the flame sparking again. Good Luck!

Answer 2

Hi Sugar, that is a shame! I have been together with my husband for 4 years too and we also have been married 6 months, so i feel a bit of an affinity with you!

We don't find things boring in or out of the bedroom, but it really is a question of both of you making an effort. Its difficult to help without knowing more, but I think that you should have an honest talk with each other about what you both want out of life in general and sex.

There's a whole world out there to explore - so many different things you could do!

Why don't you both write a list - maybe 2 lists, a bedroom one and another one of all the things you would like to do, soon or in the future. Little things like 'Paint the spare room' and big things like 'Travel round India'.

Also you need to spend time apart doing things for yourself, and then when you get back together there is so much more to talk about!

Your marriage is still so young, please make an effort to keep it on track!

Try and plan weekends so they don't slip by and you feel you didnt do anything.

Good luck!

Faith x

Answer 3

You are your husband need to re-discover each other, have you spoken to him about it? I think that you two need to have a weekend away, somewhere romantic and just considerate and spend time with each other. 4 years is not a long time so I think that the two of you need to find ways of spicing up your lives both in and out of the bedroom. Why not take up salsa dancing or try and do more activities together.

At the weekend, why don't the two of you go shopping and get all the things you need to have a romantic evening, massage oils candles the works, and then plan a romantic meal and eat the food off each others bodies if you have to. Just have fun, and remember the things that the two of you did at the beginning of the relationship to make each other laugh etc

Answer 4

The rut you are in is usually caused by routine... you need to change a few things in your life and the rest will fall into place. For example, try a nice candlelight dinner, dress in a sexy negligee, have plenty of foreplay leading into the bedroom, and don't make sex a scheduled chore. As for outside the bedroom, find some common interests and act upon them. A nice vacation down south is a sure way to bring spark into your life.

I have been married 20 years and still enjoy every moment with my wife, in and out of bed.

Answer 5

I worry about this too with me and my man... we have been together 3 years and everything is still great between us- here are some things I do... outside the bedroom- plan some outdoor activity like a flea market or with the leaves down do some outside yard work together but make it fun then warm up with some apple cidar and enjoy, if he likes doing any sports be cute and do some with him... inside the bedroom- ask him his wildest fantasy and make it come true... get some costumes and do some role playing... don't be afraid to try new things...

Answer 6

Do something together out of the routine. Do something different every weekend, or one day a week. Doesn't have to be expensive or exotic, just different experiences, places, stuff, etc. Good luck honey. By the way, feelings usually follow actions. Treat hubby every day like it's your last day with him. Love all over him. Do this for 30 days & see if things don't change dramatically in your marriage, and see if he changes the way he treats you on a daily basis. I believe you will both be extremely happy with the results, in and out of the bedroom...

Answer 7

It would have been so much better had those 4 years come after your marriage and not before it. As it is, there is practically nothing that you don't know about each other. No surprises. No novelty. Hence no spark. But you have to make it work. So try out something new. Make little adjustments. Take a vacation. Anything...something is definitely going to work.

Answer 8

life as a husband and wife dose become boring,so invent yourself as a lover, leave your husband a few text messages, saucilly saying can you get away from the wife tonight? offer to meet him in a pub- behind the shops- or somwhere you two dont go normally, or put him on a promis for friday night, put out some candles get a take-away -leave a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom,any thing to spice it up a bit. have a laugh.get a huge bag of popcorn and a dvd and watch it in bed...good luck,

Answer 9

Do something/plan something amazing. Something that you would have done way back when that you both would have found totally fantastic. I don't know relive your first date, your first night you ***********. If you can afford it go away just the 2 of you for a night or a day. Celebrate what you had and what you actually have. Life gets you down, you forget what you saw in each other. A good massage works wonders with candles and a nice drink of wine!

Answer 10

You sound like your not happy and you need more excitement in your life, let him know that before you do something else out of character, as men we are not as affectionate as we should be. Talk to him let him know exactly how you feel. Start dating again,each other that is. Again don't try to fix this by yourself, let him & help repair the marriage. Just remember you get out of your marriage what you put into it, and if the both of you are working together. You will get past this and so much more.