I suspect my husband could either be gay or bisexual,he obviolusly tries to hide it from me,but last week?

Question

I discovered he had put up an ad on the internet looking for men,we have never talked about this,he is in no way a pervert or anything,its just that he is keeping this side of hi secret,which bugs the hell out of me,I dont even look at him the same way II did before.I would like to confront him,or atleast get him to talk to me about it,without coming off as being sneaky or anything,please hel,how do I do this?????

I dont have a problem with his bisexuality,its the fact that he dont trust me enuff to tell me about this,it really hurts,to be honest I wouldnt even mind a 3some if it makes him happy,but how to tell him this?

Answer 1

If he is actively looking for men, there can be little doubt he would like to at least explore bisexuality.

You definitely need to talk to him about it; this is far too big an issue to let pass.

How you deal with it depends greatly on your attitude toward bisexuality. Your marriage is your marriage and there must a resolution that will make you both happy.

I would recommend you ask him to see a marriage counselor with you. *NOT* because there is anything wrong with being bisexual, *nor* because there is anything wrong with your reaction. A counselor can often help facilitate discussion that might get bogged down between the two of you on your own, and help you reach resolution.

I wish you luck, and if you need someone to talk to, you may email me. I would gladly discuss more with you in a private manner. (I am married and bisexual. My situation will certainly differ from yours, but I'm a good listener if you need one!)

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Answer 2

Sneaking around is wrong, whether gay or straight. All it makes is victims all the way around. If love and honesty can't go hand in hand, then neither can the two individuals who are supposed to love each other.

Once this pattern begins, everything else - in or out of the closet - is a front.

My only question is rather than check out what he's doing on the Internet to investigate (spying is another form of sneakiness) why not just be honest and ask him out right if he is bisexual? Provided he's not prone to physical abuse, at least one of you is going to feel like a burden is lifted and out in the open.

Answer 3

WOW, I have to say you sound like your taking this pretty well. You may have already known it was coming, I dunno. If your husband put an ad then I would be concerned too. You would not believe the number of married men that are gay and have gay relationships for years and their wives not ever having a clue. To me this is super dangerous because you have no idea if he's having relations and if he's being safe. I think you should confront him, you have the right, your his wife. It's not about you being sneaky, it's about you protecting yourself. In this day and age, you can never be too careful and if he is placing ad's who know's what else he has done. Good Luck!

Answer 4

I wan to begin by sendig my sympathy. This is an extremely tough situation to be in. I think if I were in your shoes, I would approach him at dinner or before bed when it's just you two. I would probably confess that you saw the ad and was wondering if he could talk to you so you knew what he was going through. What this ad meant in terms of you. Basically try to creat the least threatning situation for him to open up to and just listen to him if he is willing to talk. If he is not ready to talk... the worse thing you could do is get mad. Maybe just kiss him on the cheak and tell him that it's okay and that you will give him time to sort things out... but that you needed to talk about this within the next day or two. That way you are communicating to him that you will give him his space and puts the ball in his court to open up to you.
At that time if he is not responsive and you guys are not communicating... then I would begin to communicate your fears and what it is that you are thinking and where you want to go with your relationship.
Hope this is helpful. Goodluck regardless how you approach it.

Answer 5

I would definitely confront him about this is a loving environment.

Pray before you say any hing no matter what God you serve because no matter the answers you are going to want to hit him or act out.

I suggest that you approach him in a kind and loving environment.

Be prepared to learn that your husband is bi or gay.

Also no matter the answer your husband gives go and get tested for AIDS.

Even though you confront your husband this is no guarantee that your husband will tell the truth so it is up to you to ensure that your own health is taken care of.

Then I suggest you go to counseling even if he does not want to go. Invite him as often as possible but because it seems to bother you and will for a long time get yourself some help to deal with it.

Answer 6

I think you should confront him so he knows you are on to his game.

My guess is the guy is probably a bisexual fella. Forget that threesome stuff. It is demeaning to you. And by the way, being a bisexual doesn't mean a man must have sex with a man and woman at the same time. Most of the time, that's not the case at all. If your husband is who what you think he is, he probably prefers having sex with one partner at a time, either a man or a woman, not both at the same time.

Answer 7

I would ask him directly. I know a few gay men who either have or plan to marry a woman to have children and have a family. Problem is they cant seem to help wanting what the feel is normal for them. It is their natural preference. I don't care how hard they try they usually end up going back. It is not safe for the woman though and she should have the choice if she wants to get aids or other diseases.

Answer 8

Find this site he placed a personal ad on, and print out his ad. There's your proof for when you go to court. Divorce him, unless you don't mind him having sex with other men. You deserve to have someone who isn't being deceitful, and who loves and appreciates you and only you.

I'm surprised that you're concerned about "coming off sneaky" because he obviously isn't concerned about your feelings in the matter. He's the one that's BEING sneaky and CHEATING and you're concerned about you being sneaky? COME ON NOW!

**I just read your additional details comment. The only way to deal with that is to talk to him. You have to approach him and talk to him, get everything out on the table.

Answer 9

You have to find a way to approach him so he's not embarrassed about it so he doesn't feel like he needs to hide it. That's the best way to make someone not secretive about something. That said, most people would agree that your husband's behavior could be cheating just as if he was trying to look for other women.

Answer 10

Wow-i'm so sorry which you will desire to bypass via this conflict. How confusing! Congratulations on your astounding infants! What a Blessing! God is stable! to respond to your question, it is ridiculous on your husband to declare he would divorce you b/c you at the instant are not an identical individual. optimistically as everyone's marriage is going on, they could be distinctive human beings and that they could substitute. And optimistically for the extra useful. i'd have an interest to be attentive to what faith you're leaning in the direction of..? i think that God has given you your tiny miracles to show you that he's there and He loves you and He can do something. Now which you're beginning as much as lean extra in the direction of believing in Him, i think God is desiring you to be a silent or maybe very loud witness on your husband. The Bible says that married couples would desire to be the two yoked. only bear in techniques that no remember what your husband believes, he continues to be the non secular chief of the kin. whether he does not believe in God, that keeps to be his function. Anywho-pray stressful that God will soften his heart and teach him how astounding and loving Jesus is. it would quite be between the toughest issues you have ever finished-yet think of what is going to take place to him if he does not believe in God whilst he dies. protecting you in my prayers, ~Jesus Freak!