is this an abusive relationship?

Question

I know someone whom has been married for over 3 yrs to a guy from another country.She is a homemaker,and he controls everything.She is not allowed to have any money of her own,and she has to ask him for everything.He even controls what she buys and what she wears.She is suffering from a serious medical condition,and she frequently is depressed.He never takes her anywhere except the grocery store.And when she asks him to take her out he says "I DO NOT SEE THE PURPOSE OF GOING OUT IF U DONT NEED TO".they frequently get into really heated arguments where he gets physically violent with her she has a back injury and he has been known to severely push her or knock her down.He squeezes her arm and calls her ***** and fat a_s,puts her down frequently tells her shes childish,selfish,lazy and makes her apologize after every fight saying that shes the one to blame.She has hit him back on occassion and also punched him after he abused her to the point of tears,and then ignored her crying.

she refuses to leave him because of her health problems,she doesnt feel like she has anywhere else to go.Everytime she tries to leave him he becomes sweet and nice to her again for a few months but his behavior always returns,she feels like since she hit him too that hes not the abuser and its all her fault.WHAT SHOULD SHE DO???

Answer 1

I spent a lot of time on this answer even though I had no sleep for two days and want to go to bed in order to help her as she must understand what she is dealing with better. I hope this helps

.yes, it is even if it was only the first part (controlling). Urge her to call a domestic violence hotline or somehow take her to individual and group counseling (if nothing else to get an escape plan in the event she ever needs one.

I guarantee you it will get worse and wind up with one or the other of them dead or severely injured. She needs to consider getting out...even though I am not at all in favor of divorce..as a former victim of domestic violence, at least call the DV hotlline..you call and get their advice and have her call (in your presence if possible). to assure she calls and talks and that you can reinforce them when she hangs up. Another thing he may try to do is isolate her from you, her family, and friends. If the girl gets pregnant they will often kick or hit her in the stomach. Do this for any future children's sake.

Also have her read books on DV and read the book the gift of fear. Be aware that it often takes women several times to leave for good and that he will return to the honeymoon stage if he feels threatens she leave'll or increase the violence or do someone he has never done before (ex--rape her, pull a gun, or something like that). It is in leaving more than staying that women are usually injured or killed. She is in a bind. They must have a woman either there immediately replace you or they stalk you often for years.

Answer 2

yes this is an abusive relationship. The classic cycle. What should she do? well thats up to her. Perhaps when you are around you might like to step in? Or perhaps she could be shown her options. Not sure what country you are in but maybe a number you can call in the phonebook for help/ Tell her she is not alone look up Domestic Violence on the net and I hope she can get some help. There may be family she can contact or a shelter to stay in. THIS IS NOT LOVE if it was me I would run like the wind to get away he is dangerous Good Luck

Answer 3

It is the tendency for the abused to think it is their fault and to keep hoping the other will change. Most actually stay with the abuser until they get hospitalized by them or worse.
Most likely, she will not make the decision herself. But you as her friend and seeing the abuse (which abuse is definitely the case) YOU MUST take control and do something for her.
I've been in a similar situation and my best friend went to my family and they, together, tried to get me out of the situation. I hated her for a while for trying to break up my marriage (delusional as was the thought, but most abusers are the same way) but in the end I cherished her for trying to help me. I was stubborn and stayed with him longer, then finally split. Your friend just might hate you for a while, but you can save her life before it is too late. The guy always changes for a short time but it will go back to the same old routine. Your friend needs to understand that. But first she has to step back away from it all.
There are shelters in every city for battered and abused women. They are strictly confidential and he will not even know where she is living. If there are kids involved they will protect them too.
This website gives the numbers for you or her to call for each different state. http://www.trynova.org/victiminfo/otherresources/statecrimevictimnumbers.html
Get her help now!
Peace and blessed be!

Answer 4

RUN AWAY!!!! Of course this is an abusive relationship. It is physically and emotionally abusive. As far as her health problems are....it doesn't matter because he is going to kill her eventually. Abusers always escalate their violence until it is too late (for her). If she was my friend I would help her get out, or make an anonymous call to the police. Unfortunately, to involve the police they need to catch him in the act or there must be physical evidence on her body. They all turn sweet after an abusive attack. It is their way of controlling you. Pretty soon it will be to late for her you really need to get her help now.

Answer 5

She has no choice but to leave! She may be scared, but he will NEVER stop! He may end up killing her someday.

She needs to call the police and have him arrested after one of his abusive episodes! Once he is gone, pack up her things and leave, quickly! Be prepared to NEVER go back! She may need some financial help from her friends and family. You, as her friend, absolutely must encourage her to get out of this relationship!

She is broken! He has her believing that she can't make it without him! She believes that she is worthless and deserves his abuse. He is in complete control of her life, and she HAS to get that control back. If she doesn't, someone could quite possibly end up dead! It is a very scary situation to be in. I've been there, I know! I also know that it is possible to get out of it and have a normal life again! There are women's shelter's that can help, and many other organizations that are available to her. Help her find them!!!!!

Answer 6

How the hell are you going to ask "is this an abusive relationship" and then in your details say "he abused her to the point of tears", "really heated arguments where he gets physically violent" "severly push her or knock her down"

Definitely isnt a serious question just because its a stupid question. If it was "what can i do to help her?" or "is there someone i can call?" maybe it would be real.

Answer 7

she should leave, and find a new identity somewhere. Fact is she let herselfget pulled deeper and deeper into this and there is no easy way out. Life will be hard until she completes the transition to being independant again, somewhere far away from him, hopefully.

Answer 8

She has to do what makes her happy. Fear is a driving force of this relationship. Is it an abusive relationship? Oh ya!

Does she have options? Of course! We all have options. But she has to make that decision, on her own. Injury or no injury, no-one deserves to be treated that way.

Answer 9

this is a serious problem since she is not ready to leave him then she have to bear all this, and since she is the one who is earning the money, he have no right on her money or use it in anyway, if she is earning good, she just keep all money with her, and dont give him anything, and when he will not have money he will follow her, she better go to her parents, and keep a maid for her to serve her... she have to take a stand, if she cannot, then she should not complain, she have to be one who can do anything for her...

Answer 10

She should get out. There are places that take in abused women and help them with even medical problems. Get in touch with the nearest abuse center in your area and get her out. It will only get worse and there is help out there. She will need your help more than ever if she can do this, be there for her.