My brother has been married for 30 years but they have been having problems for almost 20 years. They have been separated 12 times in that 20 years but are still married. They have two grown children who even think that they should get a divorce because things are so bad. He has tried everything to make their marriage work - he has tried talking to her about their problems, but she will not talk to him. He has tried taking her on trips, but she ignores him when they are away together and will not spend any time with him. She will not file for divorce because he makes a good living and she doesn't have to work so she know she has it made. My brother wants a divorce but is scared of what it will do to his life - mainly financially. Does anyone have any suggestions on how my brother can overcome this fear of divorce so that he can move on and have a chance to be happy? Thanks.
2006-11-08 02:38:48 · 5 answers · asked by aprylann28 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The financial impact of divorce goes WAY past dividing things up 2 ways. It's absolutely devastating.
Let me just hang this out there and expect some negative feedback - I'm seriously "old school".
A marriage covenant isn't performance driven - that's why we say "for better or worse". It's isn't breakable - that's why we say "until death do us part".
If I had to guess, your brother fears divorce because deep inside he believes it to be wrong and he's afraid of carrying a load of guilt around.
There will be plenty of responses encouraging him to go ahead and be happy. And while the "pursuit of happiness" is fine within a certain context, our society has taken that to an incredible level of selfishiness and self-absorption - life is now "all about me".
There is MUCH more I can say about this from personal experience but it would belong in another category.
2006-11-08 02:54:34 · answer #1 · answered by WindWalker10 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has every right to be scared because she will most likely take a large sum of money from him when they spilt. But with the kids grown, it will be less because no child support.
Once he realizes how much less stress and happier he will be when they are not together and fighting consantly, he will see that splitting up is worth the financial risk. He just needs to grasp the concept of himself without her = contentment finally.
But unfortunately it's not that easy. Even through abuse, I still tried to do everything I could to stay married because I didn't believe in divorce. Once finally away from him, my whole life was actually worth living and am smarter with relationships and life in general.
Good luck to you in talking to him, but just don't be too pushy with it because he might resent you for it and stop talking to you. He does need to realize, though, how much better his life will be when he doesn'[t have to beg his wife to love him anymore.
Blessed be!
2006-11-08 11:03:39 · answer #2 · answered by LadyMagick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Emphasize the fact that he can be happy if he gets the divorce. He deserves to be happy and have someone truly love him.
As for the financial situation with getting divorced. Wouldn't be better to limit the amount of money she gets from him like alimony instead of continuing to let her have access to all his money while they're married. See if the adult children will speak on his behalf during the divorce.
2006-11-08 10:46:26 · answer #3 · answered by jadelily78 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Courage = Doing the right thing no matter how you feel.
Through courage he will gain the confidence that will set him free.
He has to just bite the bullet and do it. With everything he's got.
2006-11-08 10:42:35 · answer #4 · answered by adrian_biccum 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how you can make him see this. He has to feel it himself. It's just like the weight loss, smoking issue. He has to be ready.
2006-11-08 10:49:32 · answer #5 · answered by heidifreckles 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋