Breastfeeding. Guilt over having to quit.?

Question

My friend is going to quit breastfeeding because her 4 month old is having bad reactions to the milk. My friend has tried medication for her daughter as well as changing her own diet. Nothing seems to help except a special formula. She feels like a failure as a Mom as she wanted to breastfeed exclusively for the first six months. What advice can I give her? What are the statistics on the number of Moms breastfeeding? What are other good ways for her to bond with her baby?

Answer 1

I also felt a lot of guilt when I had to quit earlier than I wanted. My daughter never took to the breast. Between feeding her, getting her back to sleep, pumping each breast, cleaning it up and trying to get back to sleep and then waking up an hour later to start again I was getting no sleep. I just couldn't continue. The lack of sleep was also causing my supply to dwindle and I wasn't able to get it back up no matter what I did. I felt a total failure because I had read all the health benefits, etc. I cried and felt so guilty. The thing that helped me was talking to my friend, mother of my goddaughters who were exclusively formula raised. There is nothing wrong with them. They are intelligent happy kids and there seems to be no loss of "bonding" because she didn't breastfeed. I also took into account that I knew I had done everything I could. Perhaps you could remind her of this. Or hearing my or other stories of non-breastfeeding moms. Maybe see if you can find some on the internet. There are plenty of ways for her to bond--rocking, cuddling, reading, baths. I used to take warm baths with my daughter. They say the skin to skin contact and warmness is bonding. Hope this helps and good luck to your friend.

Answer 2

She shouldn't feel guilty. She has done the best thing for her child by breastfeeding. Sometimes it just doesn't work out the way we plan. Remind her that some people never even breastfeed at all and they still have healthy babies and close bonds with their children. Also remind her that she may still be able to breastfeed if she has other children. She would need to talk to her doctor about it, but with his ok it is possible. I was only able to breastfeed my first child for about 7 weeks (she had some problems latching on) but my second child I breastfed for 14 months.

Answer 3

My first son had adverse reactions when I tried to breastfeed and had to be fed soy formula. He almost died at 7 days old before the doctors figured out the problem. I was told it was a rare reaction and not to worry. I tried again with my daughter with the same reaction. I was too afraid to try to breast feed my third baby and he automatically went on soy. I do not consider myself a failure as a mother. Yes I was disappointed but I got over it. Just because you cant breast feed doesnt make you a bad mother. In ever other way I did what I could to comfort my kids. they are 3,5,and 7 and are all happy well adjusted kids. Your friend will be fine and so will her baby.

Answer 4

My doctor told me that for the long term health benefits, only 4-6 months of breastfeeding is necessary. Longer than that gives more immune protection WHILE breastfeeding, but not after. So she has done a lot for her child's long term health already. She should do what makes her happy. I am a huge breastfeeding person, and I normally advocate for it to the fullest extent, but she has done well for 4 months, and that is to be applauded. she has done what was best for the baby,and now it is time to take care of her mental health and let it go. Fretting over it and feeling guilty is not going to help the baby. Changing to that formula will, so it's a no-brainer. Tell her I said good job on a tough 4 months!!

Answer 5

You can bond with your child by bottle feeding just as well as when breastfeeding. It's all about the closeness and talking to your baby, not about the breast milk. She should hold the baby close while feeding, not just prop the bottle, or leave the baby in a seat and hold the bottle. Breast milk is just healthier (usually). In her case, has she tried cutting out all dairy products. This worked for my kids when I discovered I have a milk allergy and transferred it to my children while pregnant and breastfeeding because I drank milk. Anyway, she should ask her pedicatrician about the best formula and don't stress out over having to bottle feed. She should just enjoy her baby.

Answer 6

She is not in any way a failure and you need to reiterate that to her. Just b/c a mother breastfeeds does not mean that they have a stronger bond than a bottle fed baby.. The world puts to much pressure on mothers to breastfeed and it's perfectly fine if you don't... You need to let your friend know that 4 months was good enough.. Now it's time to bond with the baby in other ways...

Answer 7

She can still hold the baby and bond while bottle feeding. Let her know it is not a failure, that some babies just have special needs in their diet and she can always try breastfeeding next time. Let her know the best thing to do is what is best for the baby.

Answer 8

I also planned to breastfeed exclusively (I planned on a year). I had put all this pressure on myself, I bought no bottle while I was pregnant, because I had told myself breastmilk was best and I wasn't going to bottle feed at all. My son was born tongue-tied, and although that is something they are supposed to look for in the nursery after a child is born, my son apparently slipped through the cracks. I breast fed him for 6 months and everytime it was a struggle, we would both end up crying, EVERYTIME. My family was not supportive when I said I wanted to stop and they even went as far as to say If I quit breastfeeding he would get sick! Finally at six months, I said this is it, I had to follow with formula anyway, because he wasn't getting enough to eat. I felt like I had failed my son, that it had to be a problem with me. When he was seven months old we found out he was tongue tied, my family has never apologized for the things they said to me, but I would say no woman needs that much pressure on her. And to your friend I would say to consider herself lucky that we live in an era where we have formula to give our children which is just as good. (there is a slim difference in formula and breastmilk) I would tell your friend that she tried, and that is what counts and her child will be just fine. I hope that answers your question.

Answer 9

tell her she not a failure and at least she did it as long as she could. Her baby has already had a good start so she should feel good about that. I had to give up after 3 months with my first son. I had moved into my own house with no cooker so wasnt eating properly. You have to do what is best for the child.

She should try baby massage and lots of talking to her baby or try an activity like swimming as ways to bond with the baby.

Im no expert but she can only try. good luck.

Answer 10

I have three children...all exclusively breast fed.
With my first child, I had such a horrible time with it that I developed blisters on my nipples, he got thrush and gave it to me, and I developed mastitis. I was miserable. I was in pain. I was sick. I have never been so depressed in my life. I was so afraid that I would have to stop breastfeeding. I cried and cried and cried. My husband was absolutely no help. He just kept saying, "Just give him a bottle. It'll be o.k.". I wanted to kill him. He couldn't begin to understand how important this was to me. God gave me breasts to feed my child. That's what they are made for. (He, of course, had a whole other opinion on that as well.) I was a failure. What kind of mother could I be if I couldn't feed my child the way God intended and the entire world's population of doctors agreed was the best way to do it?!
I did eventually get it all worked out. Breastfeeding my children turned out to be the best experience of my life.
That being said ...I had made the decision to switch to formula and bottles when my recovery made a sudden break through. It was heart breaking. I knew in my head that my baby would be fine on formula. I knew in my head that he would be happy and healthy and smart. My heart screamed NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Remind your friend that her baby is going to benefit from this change. Remind her what a wonderful parent she is. Remind her that she is putting herself before her child and how strong she is for doing it. She gave life to her baby and life sustaining milk for as long as she could. No one on this planet would fault her for having to change to formula now. This is not her fault. Have her talk to a lactation professional. They are usually pretty pushy about the breast/bottle issue, but they will be able to help her through this time. Maybe hearing that it's o.k. from people like this will help.
Let her know that this situation does not mean that any future children will automatically have the same problem. She might have other children later on that she will be able to breastfeed exclusively.
She will still be able to bond with her baby in some truely beautiful and wonderous ways. She is not just a caregiver, but a teacher as well. Her baby needs her. Not just anyone, but her. Her smell, her touch, her skin texture, even her body temperature when holding the baby are all unique. No one else can duplicate this. No one else has her face, her smile, her eyes. That baby bonds to her. All of her. Not just her breasts.
It's going to be hard for her.
She's lucky to have someone around to help her and look after her. Make sure she knows that too.