My closest friend is making bad choices with men. How can I keep from judging her?

Question

She met a guy at a happy hour with a class I take. He took her tel. #. He's married (2nd time) and has a 2 year old son. He's moving out of his marital house, buying a home. For awhile it appeared he wouldn't call her, but he did. She told me she didn't want to get involved with someone with so much baggage. Then he called, she did not tell him bye bye. He went over to her place after class last nite. He put the moves on her. She didn't sleep with him, but implies she is going to stick with this and slowly see what happens.

From what I have seen in class, he is a slick charmer and I seem to be the only one who sees it. He uses his boyish charm and his sexy accent to get what he wants.

I'm disappointed in her judgment and I don't want to hear about it. I already have a sister who dating a guy who is using her. Says he doesn't love her. She hangs on for??? I haven't spoken to her in a long time. I don't need a best friend like that. Not feeling like hanging out with her or sister.

Answer 1

you can take the horse to water, but you can't make it drink. some people have to get hurt to understand and change, maybe she's one of them. Don't worry yourself too much over this. I'm sure she'll handle things better when she learns.

Answer 2

Grow up. If you are all old enough for "happy hour" then you are all old enough to make your own decisions no matter what other people's opinions are of the decisions being made. You have no idea what is going through your friend's or sister's minds, what they are thinking, or reasoning is. A true friend and sister would not make judgements about their friend/sister's decisions but voice your concern about their choices to them. Once you have done that, have seen their point of view, and are still against their choices let them know that and that no matter what the outcome is that you will be there for them if they need you. If you are not capable of that then stop wasting their time and leave them alone.

Answer 3

This is something I know you're not going to want to hear but so be it- it needs to be said!
The bible tells us not to judge others which can sometimes be a bit challenging given the fact we all have our own ways. However, it's not your place to pick your friends intimate partners nor to stand guard over them either! The same with your sister, you are losing years of companionship that can never be replaced because your choice is not there choice!
There is always the gap we feel when someone is very close and then moves on in life with companions that seems to interrupt our daily life. It's something we all go through, it hurts a lot, but we must move on in life and look to the future and not dwell on the past! It provides us with positive values and not negative which in turn holds you down! Look to the bright side and congratulate her new found friend.

Answer 4

Go to dinner with her and politely tell her your concerns. Explain that you care about her and don't want to judge her at all but you need to get this off your chest. Then, move on and let your ADULT friend make her own decisions, take her own risks and make her own mistakes. You should be supportive and caring no matter what those decisions are, if you are a true friend. If you don't have the energy for this, move on and get another friend. It's natural to be judgemental with those we love if we are worried about their choices, but you just need to be open with her and then leave it at that. Don't keep your feelings inside because they will end up destroying your friendship. Good Luck!

Answer 5

There is a line from a Dave Matthews song I like. "If I had the strength to, I would leave you up to your own devices."

It's commendable you don't want your friend or your sister to put themselves in a bad situation, but sometimes loving someone means leaving them up to their own devices - i e letting them make their own mistakes. It doesn't mean you have to be happy about their choices. You are entitled to tell them your doubts and reservations, but loving your friend and sister in this case is in accepting your friend's and sisters choices even if you don't agree with them.

If either of the situations becomes personally harmful (including emotionally or psychologically damaging) you're entitled to move away from it. Just don't burn bridges in the process. If these guys are really as bad as they seem, both your friend and your sister will need your support when things get ugly.

Answer 6

Well, unfortunately, if she is your best friend, you should stick with her through the good and bad. The best you can do is give her advice, and let her know how you feel. He sounds like a real jerk to me. Why don't you print out all the answers that you get here, and give them to her? She will see how concerned you are and she will also see the mistakes she is making getting involved with a still married man....Good luck!

Answer 7

I have a best friend who is dating a much older man married with 3 kids....he did the same has a seperate place from his wife.....but I believe is still with her. My rule of thumb is if he is cheating on his wife now.....then what makes your friend soooo special. He will do it again....same scenerio with the charm and accent, this guy has alot of money too. So he is able to wine and dine her and buy her things that she couldn't afford herself.....more less to keep her happy if he has to spend a weekend with his wife. She is to me and glorified prositute. So the only thing you can do is explain how you feel but keep in mind this may take a while for here to take your advice, and also may cost you your friendship.....which is what happened to me. But be honest with her on your feelings......you can figure out if he is a good guy or not. It has been over 6 months and we still are not talking but she is slowly coming around and I think she realizes he i scum. But for us it is almost too late because it has been so long and I feel we have nothing in common in any way.....so you may just want to cut your ties. Hope this helps!

Answer 8

I regarded at lyrissas question after interpreting her ignorant reaction. right here is the persons's opinion of her! FIRST reaction ladies are retarded. this entire submit makes me prefer to dropkick you interior the ****. "She slept with a guy I liked first! So it relatively is okay that i'm a whore good?" 2nd reaction relies upon, If She nevertheless Has thoughts For This Ex & You Knew this is somewhat Shady the form you probably did Sleep With Him. yet....If She would not Have Any thoughts For Him Then there is not any reason To Get Mad he's Her EX As In He Can Do.regardless of He needs. the certainty that She Slept With a guy you like Is Wayyyyyyy greater tousled Than What you probably did. She's Over Reacting 0.33 reaction in the event that they're complete for 6 years then it relatively is wonderful... slutty, yet wonderful. And in case you have been mad at her for months for snoozing with a guy you liked, she in all probability has a superb to be somewhat unhappy in case you slept along with her ex. even although human beings agree she's nevertheless a slut. Alley is basically too! Use your heads human beings. it relatively is not in any respect okay to betray your maximum suitable pal and snoozing with their ex. (this is nice alley tey ARE maximum suitable pals so even via your messes up standards this is faulty. ) Bonnie has each and every good to be harm and alley doing this afterwards basically says she never particularly forgave Bonnie.

Answer 9

The most you can do is gently approach her and talk a little bit on what you have seen him do in your class.

If she doesn't listen, sometimes its best to stand back and let her learn on her own but this does not mean that you have to listen to it.

If she starts talking about him (good or bad) just let her know you aren't comfortable with that conversation and you'd rather not go there.

Miss Cris
http://lendinganear.wordpress.com

Answer 10

Just respect her thoughts cause my friend has the same problem. What I do is let her make her own decisions. What you can do is be there whenever that guy or any other guy dumps her so that you can help her with her emotional problems.