Shouldn't love be more important than marijuana?

Question

My bf has been smoking weed for 15 years. He says he enjoys it, thats why he does it. I have never smoked weed and cant hardly stand to be around it. We have been together over a year and he says he loves me with all his heart. He is the sweetest guy ive ever met and would do anything for me; except quit smoking. He knows how much it bothers me and yet he doesnt attempt to quit. Yes, i knew he smoked when we got together, but i didnt know how bad it was. He smokes around 5 joints a day. At the time i got with him, i assumed he was like any other normal weed smoker and only smoked a few times a week. What do i do, i cant live without him but i cant stand his bad habit and theres no hope in him changing any time soon. He already told me he doesnt plan on quiting at this time in his life, but he isnt going to do it the rest of his life either. PLEASE HELP!

Answer 1

You could tell him to chose weed or you. What do you think he will chose?

Answer 2

Sounds to me like he is addicted to weed. If he's been doing it for 15 years it's very unlikely that he will quit just because you want him to. It's really pretty simple, if it bothers that much maybe you should find someone else. Why be with someone that does something that you don't like or approve of? You can either accept the fact that he does this or move on. But also think about this...what if he gets busted? What if the cops came into his house and you were there? Or what if you got pulled over and he had weed on him? You would go to jail too. You are also putting yourself in a bad situation. When drugs are involved you have to also think about the consequences that come along with drugs. Or what if you have children together and your boyfriend is smoking weed? How would he be a positive role model? These are just some questions that you might want to ask yourself. I understand you love him, but you also got to look out for yourself. Don't go against what you believe in just to be with a guy!

Answer 3

I can tell you from experience that it is not going to change and the more you tell him to quit or complain about his habit, the worse it will get. I was married for 6 years and together for 8 years, had a child together and it never changed. My ex husband told me that I would never be happy until I was laying in bed next to someone that didn't smoke weed. He was never more right. I swore I would never make it through life with out him, he was my life. But now we have been divorced (because of his habit) for 13 months and I am happier now than I ever have been. If you don't want to live your life that way, you will have to do something about it. I know this is not the answer you want to hear and I wish I could advise you differently but trust me get away. It will only get worse when/if you have a child. Good luck to you and I wish you the best. It is very disrespectful that your bf knows how you feel about it and does not care, but that is the way they are. That drug is their #1 priority and you deserve better. There is nothing worse than being chosen second to a drug. It is exhausting, depressing and lonely. Move on and find happiness!!!

Answer 4

Well, the only thing you can do is ask him to not smoke around you. I mean, its a bit tough to get a vet to quit. He's been in it so long, of course he smokes 5 times a day. He probably likes to stay high, and its his prerogative. When I smoked, I did. He likes it. He won't quit until he is ready. And there's nothing you can do to speed up that process. You could threaten to leave, but he'll probably just stop around you, and continue to light up in private. I know, its a bad habit, but so are many other things in the world. Try to look past that one bad flaw in him, I mean if he's as good as you say, and he stays high all day, the weed is probably contributing to his great personality, no bull! If it bothers you that much, just sit him down and ask him to cut back when you're around.

Answer 5

Well, the choice is yours to make. He was honest and upfront with you from the start and you went into the relationship knowing of this habit beforehand. Pot, cigarettes, and alcohol are all highly addictive substances and they are very difficult to break. If he doesn't want to stop there is no way that you can force him to, so you'll have to accept the situation as it is or leave.

Answer 6

If a person has a "chemical" at the center of his life, that is really all that matters to him. It holds everything he needs, and gives him enough pleasure to compensate for anything he misses, like life with other people.
This is the same with alcohol (for alcoholics), heroin, meth, etc.
He has told you clearly that the chemical comes FIRST in his life.
Luckily, you can see clearly and think clearly enough to realize this is a waste. See the rest of "reality" and do the reasonable action that follows---detach yourself from his life, and don't waste any more time on him.
It is pointless to hope that you can control what he does. You can only control what YOU do.

Answer 7

you knew he smoked when you met him, let me say this i think people think when they meet someone they like but that someone has some traits that they dont like they think they can change them, well let me tell you, you cant change anybody if they dont want to change and your wasting you time trying, he might quit smoking pot eventually but he told you not right now, at least hes honest about it and weed isint the worst thing in the world but you need to make a decision hes not going to quit right now so its up to you to decide if you want to hang around

Answer 8

As a person in recovery let me try and help you out here...He is ADDICTED to it...that's why he says he won't give it up...he can't. There are no normal weed smokers...any more than there are normal crackheads, or normal alcoholics. The sad part is that he probably does really love you but he is in his disease and it takes preference over anyone or anything. It is a addiction. You aren't going to be able to make him stop, or change...it has to come from him, and that is if he can see he has a problem first.What you can do for yourself is to start going to meetings like NarAnon...they are for people who have an addicted person in their lives. They will be able to help YOU because you are caught up in his disease and you need help.Good luck to you.

Answer 9

Ever hear of irreconcilable differences? Sounds like that is what you have here. He was honest in the beginning, so if you don't like it, you need to move on. Nagging him will only make your relationship worse. Go find someone new and wish him well.

Answer 10

Move on.. it wont take him long to forget you... most people that smoke that much have terrible short term memory anyway.. been there, done that, got the autograph to prove it..

Answer 11

Be glad he is not a drinker. You have no room to gripe. You knew he smoked. If he had lied it would be different. If you can't accept it, move on.