My wife and I have been married for 11 yrs. We had really bad time a few years ago and attendend counselling. Since then, we have been working at repairing things but I am starting to loose hope that we can acheive the love, passion and romance from before.
I have tried to use all of the skills learned in counselling and provided that advice here on this site. I feel that no matter what I do, how hard I try, what I say, we can't get past something i our marriage that holds us back.
I truly love my wife, she is the person that makes me feel complete & whole. With each passing day I become more depressed and upset in feeling its not working.
I don't want a divorce or seperation, I just don't know what to do.
I know that there is not a lot of info here but I could really use some honest advice.
2006-11-08 00:47:58 · 6 answers · asked by SRC 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe you need separate counseling. You need to talk about your feelings. 11 yrs is a great marriage. You need to give more, listen in new ways. make little changes. Most of all you need to help yourself first then things will seem happier. Laugh some more. Sit and remember the good times until those memories make you smile. A real smile is contagious. It sounds like it is working for you, 11yrs - it is the same in most relationships we all have bad times. Don't neglect your physical or mental self. Think about being possibilities of being positive maybe then you might find the answers.
2006-11-08 01:07:22 · answer #1 · answered by its me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to get a pen and paper and write everything down that has happened-good and bad since you married
Review the list and then figure out what factor(s) are creating the problem. Go to your wife with these items and then work together to resolve it.
A couples retreat might also be a good option for you
I am glad that you are not willing to give up easily but i don't want you to be depressed either. Focus on what is working in your life and your marriage to raise your spirits. Individual counseling might not be a bad idea either.
2006-11-08 08:58:44 · answer #2 · answered by msijg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the problem may lye in what ur expecting ur relationship to be like, I guess u want it the way it was for the first few years of marriage, maybe when u guys were young, maybe believe me it doesnt remain the same in any relationship, the early days r different and as time goes on things change with responsibilities, u cant expect things to go super smooth or even smooth, it can be rough as well.Whats imp. is u luv her as she luvs u, and u guys should go along doin ur things n when things r over, find time 4 urselves
2006-11-08 08:56:34 · answer #3 · answered by vio_prince 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a lot of married couples who are going through difficulties try to repair their marriage, bringing it back to its former self. I believe that is the problem. Things will never be like they were when you were first married. People change, circumstances change, and life, in general, changes. You need to look to the future, a new future. Things can be great again, but different. You need to accept the future, and continue to work on your marriage. Find new aspects of your relationship that you both enjoy, and focus on those.
2006-11-08 09:58:57 · answer #4 · answered by Bill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a professional by any means. I was married 12 yrs and new in my "gut" that even with counseling it wasn't going to work. Go with your "gut" feeling; but you may want to consider seeking professional help even if it's with someone other than the first counselor.
2006-11-08 08:52:49 · answer #5 · answered by honey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a holistic counselor .Read Dean Ornish's book .
I do not remember the name but its by Dr.Dean Ornish.Its about how he helped build back marriages that were falling apart .I believe it was through better communication.
2006-11-08 08:55:30 · answer #6 · answered by tammy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋