Is My husband asking too much from me?

Question

Hi This is my story: I got married about 7 months ago, my mother in law or monster in law I would more likely say has been living with us in our apartment because my husband is the only son and she has none else, Now my husband and me want to buy a house and she will come and live with us, he is telling me That we have to split the morgage in half between me and him. Now he works in construction and what he makes in a weeks paycheck I make it in 2. He makes more money than me. He also told me that if anything happens to him then his mother wouldnt be left without nothing and she would then be the owner of his half. Do you think this is right? I got very sad. I feel like he only cares about that lady! Do you think Im wrong in thinking this?

we talked about thisand he says that I dont want to help out. That that is the way things work 1/2 and 1/2 on house payments??

we talked about thisand he says that I dont want to help out. That that is the way things work 1/2 and 1/2 on house payments??

we talked about thisand he says that I dont want to help out. That that is the way things work 1/2 and 1/2 on house payments??

Answer 1

I agree with what several answerers commented: make mommy-in-law pay 1/3 of the mortgage and bills if everything is supposed to be equal. If she were on her own she would be responsible for 100% of her own expenses - therefore this is a great set-up for her.

He sounds very selfish and/or uneducated. If his mother isn't insisting on covering a portion of the expenses (medications, groceries, rent, utilities, etc.) she is nothing but a leach. He may be a predator and his mommy dearest may be his partner in crime. If I were to try to bring my mother to live with me she would absolutely refuse unless I agreed to let her handle some of the expenses. My dad is the same way - he carries his own weight and would want to make sure he did his part. It's all in how you are brought up, dear. I would never feel comfortable in a situation like yours - his mother is a bigger priority than you are. I'm not sure how old she is but if she is drawing social security, a pension, public assistance, or whatever she could still have a life of her own, unless she is an invalid or has debilatating health problems. She could move in with a widowed friend and have someone her own age to converse with and do things with.

The only time I ever paid a portion of the house payment was when I made more than my husband did. We sat down, made a budget, and figured out where monies were to be allocated. I was the saver and he was a spender so I kept a separate savings account that I had money automatically deducted out of my check for. If we needed to draw on that money for emergencies or special expenses we did so only after discussing it. It was never a control thing - it was just a smart thing to do in this day and age. We both agreed that it was smart for me to have my own account (we also had a joint account) once he started earning more than I did, just in case something were ever to happen to him. I also built up credit in my own name - it's just an intelligent thing to do in case anything were to happen to him and I was on my own.

Another point to ponder in your relationship (you may want to bring this up now before you have a mortgage payment) is what happens if you decide to get (or accidently become) pregnant? What if, for some unforeseen reason, you are unable to work? What about child care expenses, etc.? Kids aren't cheap. Is he going to be able to handle all of your joint expenses alone, if need be? When my husband wanted me to quit my job after I was diagnosed with breast cancer, we agreed that he would pay for 100% of everything for several months while my checks went into savings, just to make sure we could make it on just 1 paycheck.

There are always options - you just have to consider them.

Answer 2

I think he's an immature, selfish little mamma's boy who needs to cut the apron strings. I can understand her living with you, however, you are the wife. When a man get's married, he leaves his old family and begins a new one. He is financially responsible for you! Not the other way around. Your two incomes should be added together and then spent on the bills. He should not expect you to pay half of everything right down the middle. You are NOT roommates. Just as the custom is for the wife to take the husbands name, it becomes his responsibility to love, protect, and care for the wife until death do you part!!! Ohhh what a jerk! Sorry, I just can't stand men that do that. My parents have been married 36 years. My mother has had a good job since 1984. Her paycheck pays only her carpayment, her cell phone, and of course buys food here and there. She gives my dad a % of her check each time to help with the bills. But my father's check has always been the one to cover the cost of living!!! And that's how it is with my husband. He works, I don't. I am an at home mom. OUR paycheck from HIS job pays the bills. But, I'm the one in charge of the finances. I determine which and how much gets paid and when. HE lives off an allowance!

Girl, your husband needs a serious adjustment. He needs to see a counselor, or be talked to by a mature grown man. And I'm sorry, but if he wont budge on this, then you tell him "if I'm going to pay half the mortgage anywhere, it'll be with my ROOMMATE" , and then tell him he better rethink his choices.

Answer 3

I'll be honest, it seems like he's something of a mommas boy. Which you probably knew before you were married. I've been married for over 11 years and I can tell ya, it doesn't get any easier. I think that he's trying to be a good son and look out after his mother, but he needs to realize that he has a wife now, and that you should come first. It seems crazy to me that she can live there for free and you have to pay half. I personally don't think money should be separated in a marriage, if its yours, its his, if its his,,then its yours.
Also, unless he puts the house in her name too, there is nothing really that could be done about it,, it would be yours if anything happened to him. I'm sure he could have papers drawn up at an attorney's office, but I don't think they would hold much weight considering ya'll are married and he and his mother are not lol. (Just remember don't sign anything to the effect that she could have half of the house if something happen)
Most importantly I think the 2 of you should sit down and talk about it. Let him know how you feel and see what you all can do to work it out. Good luck!!

Answer 4

What the heck? You are a married couple! It doesn't matter who pays the mortgage, and it really shouldn't be fifty/fifty if he makes more than you...If he really wants to split it, it should be a weighed split (such as you each pay 25% of your check or something...) Maybe his mother should be helping out as well. Even if she is a senior citizen, she could do something to help. Is she encouraging this? This guy really sounds like an asshole. You might want to talk to a lawyer. Usually if the husband dies, unless there was a will, the wife inherits everything. Hopefully your husband isn't planning on dying soon, but he needs to take your needs into view also.

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with him loving his mother, but you should now come first. He is a grown man and being married should have changed his list of priorities. Is there a specific reason why she can't live on her own. If she can live on her own, then she should be doing so. You are still newlyweds and have aright to your privacy. About the house situation, I believe when you are married, there is no your money and his money. Everything should be shared together, not necessarily 50/50. If anything should happen to your husband, all of his assets should go to you. Why would he give his mother part of his marital assets? I believe your husband is asking way too much from you and it's time he lets loose of his mommy's apron strings before it ruins your marriage.

Answer 6

This man needs to grow up. Marriage is 50/50, but not necessarily when it comes to money. You are adults, and you are in no way responsible for his mother. When you get a mortgage they decide what you can pay together as a family, not each other. If you are having these problems now, maybe you should cut your losses. Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. When it comes right down to it, he is treating you as a roomate and not a wife. Check your laws in your state, hopefully for your sake it is a community property state. Did you sign a prenump, if not he has no foot to stand on. Just a FYI, when you are married, you are the next of kin, not mom.

Answer 7

Yes marriage is half and half however my husband has always made more money than me but he lets me handle all the bills. I tell him whats due and how much and he hands me over the money that is needed to take care of it. My checks go to the groceries the cleaning supplies and my car payment however if I do not have enough to cover all of this I tell him and he gives me what is needed. We bought a house in Feb the loan is in his name only due to my credit problems. We are currently in the process of making sure that if something God forbid ever happened to him that I would be able to keep the house. I think the problme here is that your man is having problems cutting the umbilical cord and you need to talk to him about this. I completly understand him wanting to make sure his mother is taken care of if something should happen to him however I think he is going a little extreme and it may take you guys seeking the help of a professional to resolve this issue. I wish you the best of luck!!!

Answer 8

If the house is put in both of your names, it is considered community property, and therefore will be equally divided between the two of you if a divorce should ever come about. If he dies, the property goes to you first as the spouse and if you want to give his half to her, then you can will it that way.
But, he cannot force you to make half of the payments unless this is the way you agree to.
Mom in law needs to move out and get an apartment nearby and live on her own. If sonny wants to pay her rent, then you might consider paying half the mortgage if he agrees to pay her bills. Does she receive any kind of income at all? If she does, and she demands to live with you, I would suggest that she pay 1/3 of the mortgage. This would only be fair.

Answer 9

you know in your heart what you need to do
you are now your husbands family,yes he is supposed to take care of his mother but not at the expense of you,he is treating you as if you were a roommate instead of a spouse! pay half ? what kind of crap is that you don't pay half of anything like that! a marriage is a union of two people committing themselves to one another to be come 1 ! not your half and my half ,sorry sweet heart but he wasn't ready to be married and his mother will never let him have a life if it wasn't you it would have been someone else you should talking to him you tell him what you will and wont except you tell him you are not the roommate here his mother is you don't deserve to be disconnected like that disregarded and made to feel unimportant you tell him you desired to have a husband that would fully support you and put your needs first if he truly loved you he would trust you enough to take responsibility for his mom if and God forbid something ever did happen to him you wouldn't leave her high and dry would you,? you have 2 choices speak up get a result good or bad or say nothing and become the insignificant wife good or bad.Either way you are your own best friend you are your own protector if you don't or wont stand up for you then who will!

Answer 10

When you get married, everything is yours and his. There should be no distinction between whose money is whose. It's "yours." Now, as to the monster-in-law situation. Your hubby feels obligated to care for his mother. And, she is now your mother too! When you married him, you also "married" his family. I don't think what your husband did was right, but I do think that you both should make plans together as to what to do with your mother if something happens to him. The solution is not to give her part of your house! Possibly set up a room for her in your new house and set aside payment for a nursing home if need be. Good luck to you both!