What should I do? My husband is having an affair with a girl three years older than my daughter.?

Question

He won't let me leave but he won't leave her either. He brings her to my home and wants us to treat her like family.....
It is difficult to keep the peace in my home........

Answer 1

Why in the world would you want to keep the peace?
Just leave the cheating scum, and who cares what he'll "let" you do. You are a grown woman, you don't need his permission to walk out. Take your daughter and go to a friend or relatives house. If you don't have anyone you can go to, then look into a woman's shelter.
Talk to a good divorce attorney, and if he's as controlling and abusive as this question makes him seem, go to the police and get a restraining order against his sorry butt.
It may sound harsh, but I can't understand why you would allow yourself to remain in this situation. You always have options, and there is always a way out. Don't let him treat you like this.

Answer 2

First off, like most of the answerers recommend, seek counsel from a competent attorney. He or she will be able to guide you through what you can or can't do. Most attorneys initial consultation is free. FYI - you should be able to sue the mistress for homewrecking - it is being done more and more. It won't really get you any money but it will bring satisfaction. Document everything. Try to get as much financial info together as possible (copies of bank statements, IRA's, bonds, 401Ks, anything that has to do with monies you should be entitled to portions of) - get your lawyers input on how to protect yourself regarding any joint bank accounts, credit cards, etc. right this instant!!!! Also, take a peek around your house - if your DH is that controlling he is probably recording your phone conversations, your online activities, etc. You might want to have a professional computer geek come over and check out the computer - my ex was recording phone conversations via a tape recorder in our basement and via the computer (he could copy to a disk and listen on his way to work). He may even have cameras around the house recording every move you make. A private detective can bring someone in to debug your home, if necessary. That will help keep your DH on his toes and make sure he's not one step ahead of you at all times. If you think your DH is not capable of this - think again. It happens all the time.

It sounds as if your daughter must be aware of this situation. Enlist her aid in all of this. She will respect you for it more in the end than if you just said you didn't know what to do or did nothing. YOU have to lead by example - you don't want your daughter to end up with a loser like her dad one day.

I would gather that the mistress is at least 18 yrs. old. He cannot force you to allow her into YOUR home or make you treat her like 'family'. Put up a big 'NO WHORES ALLOWED' sign on your door and point to it when she 'visits'. Drive a big fat wedge between them - the relationship will not endure under the stress. Unless you are part of some weird cult or one of those mormons or something you have a say in what goes on in YOUR home.

YOU have to take charge here and put your foot down. I also like the comment one answerer gave about detailing what a divorce would end up costing your DH over the next few years - especially if you don't work and have been married for 10+ yrs.

Answer 3

Retain an aggressive divorce attorney, a real junkyard dog kinda lawyer; probably an old bastard with lotsa feathers in his bonnet. Have him write a letter to your husband detailing what the divorce will cost him during the next 18 years (what you want from the divorce). That information focuses the mind of wayward husbands to an extraordinary degree.

Straight out options for the man, up or down, the girl or the family.
No matter which he chooses, you will be better for it. You will get: the house, one car, half the pension, child support In a figure that will horrify him) and over him.

He will get: a bachelor efficiency, the loss of his children, a penniless retirement, and chance to learn how to use public transportation, and a girl who will inevitably ease off into other arms after he fails to deliver the nigh time goods a couple of times.

Answer 4

no problem. The fact that you think you need his permission to leave tells me that obviously the two of you are a total match. Find a guy who is 3 years older than your daughter and have an affair-unless your daughter is only 9 and then that is a whole new can of worms

Answer 5

won't let you leave? honey i would have left the first time you found out he was having an affair with her.....id pack some stuff and leave in the middle of the night if i had too.and take the kids with you..it's against the law to keep you against your will and you didnt say how old the girl is but that may be illegal too....of course there"s other things id prob do but i cant say it here...he's got b___s thats for sure and you're a fool if you put up with it

Answer 6

That's just plain crazy. He won't LET you leave? Are you his property? Why would you even care about keeping the peace? Get some gumption and kick his *** to the curb - then take your half of the assets and leave the loser!

Answer 7

More than likely he is having a mid life crisis. He feels he is getting old and unwanted and needs to feel that he is still attractive and exciting. The problem is that instead of just flirting it up he is breaking your contract. You have to put your foot down. Let him know that you have been the one married to him for all this time and no little $lut is going to ruin your family or run you out of your home. If he wants to be with her then make him do this else where. Stand up for yourself, and he will respect you, but if you allow him to walk over you then this is what he will continue to do.

Answer 8

Your a fool to allow your husband to disrespect you, your home, and your family in this manner. You should beat the hell out of both of them and file for divorce, what the hell is the matter with you? You shouldnt be worried about keeping peace in your home, you should be worried about cleaning up the blood.

Answer 9

You should tell him that if she comes back to your home that you will call the Police and have her arrested! Then hire a Private Investigator to confirm and document the affair. Get a Lawyer and show the proof to him and he will be able to get this guy out of your house.

Answer 10

Kick him to the curb!!! If he has been unfaithful to you and your family, he can't make you stay!! Show your daughter that you respect her and yourself more than that. It is unacceptable for your husband to do this to you AND your daughter! Giving him an ultimatum (ie. stop seeing her or I'll leave) will not work. This will solve the problem of him seeing her in your house but it will not stop him from seeing her outside of your house! Leave the dog!!