Could i ever love again ?

Question

I had been in love with my boyfriend for more than 6 years. he had also been my childhood pal, and more then love there was this feeling that i cant describe when i was with him.
then one day he died in an accident, and i was the last person he ever spoke to. Its been nearly 4 years now, and i have shed enough tears that it seems i don have any left to cry anymore.
the pain of that memory lingers on and on, and i have tried my best to put this behind me, but i cant, it raises its head in all depressing situations. I have strange feelings of guilt that may be i could have foreseen it somehow and stopped it..
Now everybody wants me to get married but i really dont know if i can ever love again. how can i put this behind me ?
thanks.

My heartfelt THANK YOU for all who have responded.

Answer 1

Oh hon, I am so sorry for you loss. I lost my youngest son four years ago and he was only
21 years old. The pain is huge.

Your lost love will always be in your heart and you will have a scar. No one can lose someone so dear and not grieve over it.

You need to go through the phases of grief. Disbelief, anger, depression, quilt, acceptence and so on. You will gradually pull out of your grief. There will be times that you need to take an hour or a day to just fall apart. Then you will pull yourself together and surrive.

He will want you to do more than surrive. He wants you happy. He is in a place of peace.
To honor him, you need to find your joy again.

Time to get rid of the quilt. Although it is normal to do so. I do it myself. I have to quickly pull myself out of the guilt. In reality neither you or myself have enough power to cause someones death. so, please let go of the guilt.

Have you gotten counseling?

Open up your heart to love again,

Do your lost love a favor and live the rest of your life with joy and hope. That will honor his memory more than anything.

I have to remind myself of my son's sense of humor and I have to be happy because he wouldn't be pleased if I ruined my own life because of his death. He is in a place of peace and joy.

Hon, you can love again.Open your heart.
Give yourself times to grieve then give youself more time to live. As time goes on the grief will lesson.

If you need medication for depression or anxiety go ahead and use it.

Hang in there and look for the silver linning in life/

Answer 2

There is no time limit on how long it takes to get over the tragic death of someone that you love. You have probably subconsciously locked yourself away from any other relationships for all these years, while keeping yourself in a mourning mode as well as self-blame. You could not have prevented the accident which took his life....no matter what you might have done. It was an accident....don't blame yourself.
You will never forget him...not if your love was strong....but, I'm sure he would want you to go on with your life. Try and start slowly to open yourself up to meeting new men. Just start off with friendships only. Then you can progress to mild dating. Then; and only when....you are ready, you can accept a date from one of these gentlemen. But, do not try and compare them to the boyfriend who passed...this is not fair to the new guy. You can talk about the old boyfriend, but do not obsess with talk of him. If a relationship develops eventually, be honest with him that you would like to still remember the boyfriend on the anniversary of his death by going to the cemetary (if it's local) and placing flowers on his gravesite every year. If you are honest with him from the beginning about this, and do not obsess all through the year and your relationship with the new guy....he shouldn't have a problem with it.
But, only you will know when the time is right to progress with a new relationship. Don't let anyone tell you that it is time for yu to "get over this". YOU make that decision.
Good Luck!!!

Answer 3

I'm so incredibly sorry for what happened to you. I have suffered two horrible losses in my life and you need to know that, in time, you will learn to adjust. The memories and pain are always there, but become a part of you that you learn to live with.

You must know that your boyfriend would not want you to be living like this. If the situation were reversed, and you had died, would you want him to spend the rest of his life suffering, or would you want him to try to have a happy life and find love again? By moving on, you are not "breaking up with him" - you are releasing him to peace on the other side; however, he will always have a place in your heart. Count it as an honor that you were the last person he ever spoke to and treasure it.

Please don't dwell on any guilt feelings, you are giving yourself too much power that way. There is absolutely nothing you could have done. It might help if you write him a long letter telling him about all of your feelings, sadness, and guilt. Tell him how much you love him, but that you will not tie his spirit to you with your grief. I truly believe when we do that, they know.

My heart goes out to you in your grief. Please try to put it away and open yourself up to be able to love again. You deserve to be happy.

Answer 4

First, I am VERY sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through.
Second, have you talked to anyone about all this? Like a priest or a counselor? That could help you sort through all your feelings.
Third, remember that this person was a BIG part of your life, and still is in a way. However, he would not have wanted you to "end" your life when his did. He would have wanted you to have a happy, rewarding, fulfilling life. Dwelling on "maybe I could have prevented this" is not fulfilling at all.
Fourth, you can love again without denying the love you have for your late boyfriend. It will be different. Let it in when the time is right.
Good luck; I will pray for your situation.

Answer 5

I think that you should talk to someone to help you with the loss you are feeling, you also need to stop blaming your self and I know that it doesn't help but some day you will learn to smile maybe even feel some happiness you need to know that being happy is not betraying your boyfriend in any way even that you may feel that it is but if he is looking down on you I am sure that he would want you to be happy you should enjoy all the happy times that you two shared and remember that you two will be together again and that will last forever, does anyone around you know what you are feeling let them know so that they stop wanting you to get married where is their consideration you need to find some to help heal your pain before that you wont be able to open your heart to anyone

Answer 6

I am so sad for you, that's terrible. Of course you will always carry his love in your heart forever and that is the beautiful eternal point of such love. That will never die. You will meet and love someone again when you are emotionally ready. The Next guy will never be able to "replace" or even compare to your late boyfriend but you can love another in time.I have been through a lot of relationships and there has been a lot of love but as each person is different, so is the love. Don't despair. You have had the wondrous taste of such a bond. Some people never know that all their lives!

Answer 7

it is hard to put the lost of a love behind and the sad part about it is that it never gets left behind.don't push your self if your not ready and tell your friends how you feel.and please,don't hold no regrets,cause that is whats pulling you back.remember him the way he was not the way he left cause then you'll be askin your self that question for the rest of your life,'what if'.take some time to yourself,traet yourself,enjoy yourself.the right man will come along.but,don't look for a man and don't let your friends try to set you up with someone,that person will come to you.give it time cause time heals all wonds no matter the numbers on the clock.chin up,the best is yet to come.good luck.

Answer 8

Your friends are not the ones that know when its time for you to get married YOU are the only one that knows that.
With the closeness that you both had with your B/F there is a special connection that you had with him and its hard to let go.

When the time is right you will move on. Right now is not the time. You will know it when it happens.
The one thing that I might suggest is not to seclude yourself or stay inside all the time. Get out and do a few things go for walks and go out with friends.
You have a strong devotion towards the b/f .
YOU will know inside when its time to let go. Have you talked to a therapist about what you are feeling or a doctor?
it might help some.

I don't know the circumstances of what occurred but you have to get out there. Events take place that we have no control over
Don't blame yourself for the way things happened
He is watching over you and in a great place .
Would he really want you to do what you are doing or would he tell you to enjoy life. Life is too short to ponder on things we can not change
I feel for you take good care of YOU

Answer 9

If it's been four years and the feelings haven't eased, you may need professional help as well as some meds.
Having someone objective to talk to can put things in perspective and start the healing process. Your doc may feel you'd benefit from meds so give it a try.
We all need a helping hand sometimes and it's no shame.
You will make it through this.

Answer 10

it sound like you cannot put down the past. my mom pass away on June. she is the only person who taught me how to be tough and confirdent in life and now she is gone. yes i felt sad as i think of her but i also remember iwas still alive in this world, life goes on weather you stop or not, the world still spin, the flower still blosom and the world will never stop because of you. i deeply believe you friend wants you to live happily and meanfully. you have to let it go. he love you and care for you while he live but now only memory is left for you and you have to go on as your friend wants you to. you will find the special person in our life. when you finally meet someone. may b you got married and having children as you visit him i m sure he will b happy because you have finally alive again.

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