Why cant i deal with my parents splitting up?

Question

im 23 & i feel i should be able to handle it, but im just not keeping it together. i completely understand why its happening, they've just grown apart.

Answer 1

Your whole belief system and foundation of your life has been shaken, it will take time to get used to teh idea, but honestly...it WILL happen.

Answer 2

The reason your not coping with it is because they've always been there for you.Everything has always been a joint decision,and now you feel as though you've got to make a choice.Your parents may have grown apart,but at least it has happened when your an adult.It still feels like a kick in the gut though.Parents are harder to understand than the children they give birth to.
It will become easier to accept as time goes by,but it's the in-between times that will get you.
Maybe if you really stopped and thought about things,you probably noticed things weren't right for a long time,but took no notice of what was going on,you put it all to the back of your mind.

Answer 3

I really do sympathize with you it must be really tough but l guess if they have grown apart unfortunately as much as it may upset you, you ,may find that they will be a lot happier. Why do you think you should be able to handle it ? just because you are 23, that has nothing to do with it. Let's face it, it is not every day your parents break up , Is it ?? Ofcourse it's hard on everyone and l'm sure it was not an easy choice for your parents to make either. Sometimes things just get broken beyond repair and you just have to do what you think is best for all involved. In their case it was a separation, but hey who knows somewhere down the track they could well decide that it's not what they wanted and get back together again. Stranger things have happened and we all live in hope. Don't we ??? but if that is not the case l am sure with time you will learn to handle it and keep everything together. Best wishes.

Answer 4

My parents split about 4/5 years ago now, I am now 23 and still find it difficult to cope with it. However, my Dad has re-married and is blissfully happy. My mum struggles, no denying it. I think because your older you find yourself asking;
cant they talk and sort it out?
was it really this bad and if so why has this only just happened now? There is no easy way about it, I believe it will come in time. Though what you have to remember is that they are adults and this is what they both want and feel it is the right solution. Be aware, things may get a little messy. I know this doesnt help you much at the mo, but be strong, this will help you understand adulthood so much better.

Answer 5

No one wants to ever believe their parents will split, but unfortunately it is happening. You feel that you should be able to handle it because one...you are an adult, and 2, you known they have grown apart, but you are probably worried (even if it is subconsciously) that maybe you will get divorced if you get married. These are just worries; not necessarily unimportant ones, but not necessarily true. Your marriage and whether it lasts or not will be based solely on the way that you and your husband deal with things and whether you stay in love and work at it or decide that things are too strained and it would be better for all involved to end the marriage before it becomes a battleground.
You need to talk to each of your parents and let them know how you are feeling, and you also need to look at how they each are adapting to the divorce. Are they happier now that they are not together? Are they able to still communicate with each other without bitterness? If the divorce is better than a bad marriage, than it is sometimes worth it. You would not want them to stay together and be totally miserable with each other and eventually come to hate and loathe each other. This would not be pleasant for anyone.
They will always both be your parents whether they are married to each other or not. Just let them know that you love them both and you always will.
Things will work out.

Answer 6

When I found out my parents were splitting up I couldnt handle it either, but after a while I saw that they were getting on better as they were not together. It is hard to deal with this sort of thing because every believes that it would never happen to their parents but the thing is its happening to all couples now.
I hope you feel better soon, you will soon see that everything will be ok. You will be treated the same and both of your parents will still love you the same its just that they will be in different places is all.

Answer 7

I don't think its easy for anyone when there parents split up no matter what age you are. I was 18 when mine split up. It is hard and it does get you down a lot but you have to give it time. Even though you can understand why they have split up, it is still hard to accept. I am 25 now and as the years have passed, I know that my mum and dad still love me and I still see them. And I can see how happy both my mum and dad are now that they are not together so I can see that splitting up was the best thing to do for them.
Birthday parties are not good and I am dreading getting married but I am lucky both my parents are still alive as people I know have lost one or both of their parents.

And I have discovered there is a bonus to parents splitting up. I now have an extra family now my mum is married again. I have gained a new brother and sister, a nephew and a neice as well. And my step dad is very nice. My dad also has a new girlfriend but I am not too fond of her but I love my dad so I make the effort for him to be nice to her.

Give yourself time and the situation becomes easier to accept. Just don't pin your hopes on them getting back together as I did that and my world fell apart twice.

Answer 8

I feel for you... it is always going to be hard to deal with no matter how old you are.

Its OK to be upset and angry and all over the place. It may be of benefit to you talking to your parents, friends and family.

You might find it helpful talking to people who have been thru the same situation.

Also I'd like you to know that this a phase which will passover in its own time, in the meantime I think you are doing good and coping well. You seem like a strong person...carry on.

It sometimes helps if you see a counsellor as well.

I hope my suggestions were helpful.

All the best!

Answer 9

I know it IS hard to digest. It does not matter whether you are 23 or 3 or 53. It is painful to see one parents living away from each other in front of your eyes. Things are easier to accept if one looses one or both parent. But seperation is always hard to deal with.
I am sure it will heal and dealt properly since you are old and mature enough to understand thier point of view.
GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 10

There could be so many reasons. I think its partly because you love them and want to see them happy, and right now, that may not be the case. I might surmise that it could be that you will have to let that part of your life go, and that is never an easy task. My parents have been divorced for seven years now, and at first it was hard, but as time went on it became easier to deal with. I know that it will be easier for you too. :)

Answer 11

Things like really shake you up and make you question who you are, you also realise that your parents have a life of their own which is quite a shock too! You are 23 and are probably dealing with it in a mature way but please talk to friends you can rely on too, they will support you and help you through this.