Turkish tradition on marriage. Any turkish resident or citizen could you tell me more about .....?

Question

im in love with my love and he is a turkish. What is the proper way or what do turkish people usually do? does the girl family go see the guy's family or vise versa and if do so what you do or give a gifts? especially those muslim turkish family. your help most appreciated.

Answer 1

i am marrying a turkish guy and i can gladly answer this question :) first the guys family go to the girls family to "ask for them to give the girl"..they should have flowers and chocolate with them. the chocolate to the mother and the flowers to the girl! when familys go to the living room the girl (her dress and make up should not be exaggerated) prepares the turkish coffees. (into one of the cofee cups girl puts salt!!and gives it to the groom..then watches his reaction:) after the cofees..first cologne is served to each guest than chocolate..after the coffees the father of the boy asks the father of the girl if they could give their daughter :) after a couple of weeks they come to the girl's house again for the first engagement ring named "soz"..the guys family has to buy some presents to the girl (a satin nightdress and pijama set, a make up set, underwear, a dress, bag,purse,shoes, usually silver mirrors,perfume...and any additional present they want to give..) the oldest from the girls family puts the rings on.. after all that familys come together again for that the second engagement ring..the girls family prepares something like a party-ceremony for the second ring (first ring to the right hand, second ring to the left hand). at that ceremony the familys give jewels to the girl and money to the boy..not finished:) the girls familys turn now to make a gift set to the boy.. they put in that set: pijamas,underwear,shaving set, shirt,necktie,belt,perfumes...after all these "henna night" is made before the day of the wedding..i am tired of writing but the tradiitions go on and on:) i find all these very enjoyable..good luck..

Answer 2

The groom's family visits the bride's family. The lady(You I think :)) prepares Turkish coffee and as a tradition the girl puts some salt instead of sugar into the guy's coffee. It's such a test that proves the guy can really handle the problems coming from her, I mean he should drink the coffee completely if he really wants the girl. You may serve the coffe with small Turkish delight. You must be seemed shy while serving the coffee. For example you may put the tray on your knees and look down with a shy look after serving the coffees.
Your parents may ask the other family about the guy's job, habits etc. to ensure that the guy is good enough to be a husband for you.
And the guy's family ask your parents about you and the guy's togetherness. Traditionally the girl's dad asks back to you and you may say "how you like dear dad." and the when the girl's parent accepts the girl and the boy kiss elders' hands and put to the forehead.
Oh my Lord it is a long story for more I'll try to write... :)

Answer 3

Bir gün Fadime ile Temel kavga ederler ve birbirleriyle konu?mazlar.Yazarak anla?maya ba?larlar.Bir gün Temel Fadime'ye kendisini saat 8'de uyand?rmas? için no longer b?rak?r.Önemli bir i?i vard?r. Sabah uyand???nda ise saat çoktan 11 olmu?tur.Temel tam Fadime'ye onu uyand?rmad??? için k?zacakken, yan?nda bir no longer bulur: ''Temel saat 8, hadi kalk.'' * i know it particularly is not very humorous yet I purely remembered this =)

Answer 4

Turkish Wedding Traditions

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Kinds of Marriage:

Formerly in Turkey marriage within relatives was common. Today such kind of marriages have not been practised so much due to impact of urbanisation.

Another kind of marriage is that in case of death of a brother, marriage of a single or widower brother in law with widow sister-in law. (Levirat) In preference of such kind of marriage the purpose is not to allow properties go out after death of brother as well as situation of children. Similarly it is also possible when sister dies sister-in law takes the place of her sister (Sororat).

Another type of marriage is “taygeldi” marriage. In this marriage while widow can marry widower, marriage of sons and daughters with one another is also possible.

Types of marriage through kidnapping a girl have been taking an important place. It is possible that girl and boy run away on mutual agreement in addition to a girl is kidnapped by force. In some regions, there is also a type of kidnapping girl and marriage called custom of “oturakalma”. In this type of marriage girl goes home of the man that she loves and settles there.

Another type of marriage which was often practised in the past is “beşik kertme”. While children were yet in their cradle their engagement was made. In the past rejection of marriage by girl and boy when they reach their age of marriage put the family in difficult situation and caused experience of bloody events. This type of marriage has not been often practised today.

Another kind of marriage experienced in Turkey is marriage of “iç güveysi”. In this marriage man settles in the home where woman lives.

Usually in case of inability to pay the necessary amount of money for the girl and absence of a son on the part of the family of woman to perform their works this type of marriage is preferred.

In another type of marriage called “Berder” or “değiş-tokuş, değişik” ( exchange, changing) a family with daughter and son gives and takes girl to/from another family who has son and daughter. Such kind of marriages release the obligation to pay money to the bride’s family (Başlık).


Another type of marriage procedure is however marriage of a girl whose marriage age expired with a widower. It is also possible that a single man who was unable to marry because of various reasons may marry a widow.

According to Turkish traditions marriage between foster brothers and foster sisters is not possible. Children who suck breasts of mothers of one another are considered as brother and sister according to the religion.

In some regions marriage with more than one wife at the same time (polygamy) has been also practised. That wife unable to have a baby or she is invalid, sick is the cause for such kind of marriage. In this case solemnised marriage is on the first wife and children from the other wife is registered on the first wife.

Age of Marriage:

Although age of marriage varies according to regions today in areas where traditions are observed same has been varying between age of 17-22 for men, in some places it has been sought that men should complete their military service, and in some places however it becomes important for men to marry before their performance of military service. Similarly in the traditional section girls marry between 17-20, age difference between women and men varies between 4-5 years. Keeping the order of sequence in marriages has been still effective in some regions.

In an attempt for marriage society did not entitle women and men the same right. Man and his family takes initiative in this situation, but woman and her family remain passive. The first step comes from man and his family.

Act of go-between (Görücülük), To Ask a Girl’s Hand in Marriage


In the traditional section marriage process starts with seeing and looking for a girl. Families who want to marry their sons begins looking for girl firstly starting from their relatives, neighbours, close friends. In this matter their neighbours and relatives also help them in their effort.

In great cities of Turkey where cultural changes are more effective marriages through directly meeting and agreement have been gradually spreading; and “Görücülük” has been still the main type of marriages which are witnessed at places where traditional procedure is more effective. “Görücülük” is that several women elected among members of family of the man wants to marry, relatives and neighbours pay a visit to the home of the girl who was formerly proposed by relatives and examine the girl closely and reveal their intention. This procedure is called “seeing a girl, to send woman to see girl, woman sent out to inquire about a prospective bride” (“kız bakma”, “görücü çıkma”, “dünür gezme” in Turkish). After their affirmative judgement about the girl time is granted to the prospective bride’s family both for their thinking and gathering information about the prospective bridegroom. As the result of affirmative agreement by both parties task of such persons come to end. Inasmuch as the fact that the work of seeing prospective bride is done by women in the process of asking the girl's hand in marriage assume the duty as well.

In the process of asking the girl’s hand in marriage care is taken to include among those who will visit the prospective bride’s family such respectful persons who could not be refused by the bride’s family, together with close relatives of the prospective bridegroom’s family. Because the prospective bride’s family is reluctant, visit for asking the prospective girl’s hand in marriage is repeated several times.

Agreement to Marry:

Agreement to marry (söz kesimi) follows the process of asking the prospective bride’s hand in marriage. Both families who reached an agreement by way of “Dünürcülük” (women sent out to inquire about a prospective bride) agree on marriage before crowded guests, which is called “Söz Kesme” (agreement to marry). Engagement is completed by attaching a ring and an embroidered kerchief bought by the prospective bridegroom’s family. In some regions “Söz kesimi” is also called small engagement ceremony. Sweet dessert (ağız tatlılığı) brought by prospective bridegroom’s family is distributed to guests immediately after agreement by both parties to marry their children. Even today in some regions the prospective bridegroom is not present at the time of this ceremony. According to the attitude of the prospective bride’s father the bridegroom who is present in the bride’s home and the prospective bride both kiss hand of guests. Thus ceremony held for agreement to marry is completed.

In this meeting jewellery to be bought for the bride and amount of money to be paid to the bride’s family or amount of money to be paid for the pride’s mother are decided in an agreement. Today, in various regions the tradition for receiving money from father of bridegroom has ceased to exist, but instead of it a certain amount of money changing according to poorness or richness of the family, which is given to the bride’s mother as called “mother’s share” has been given.

Engagement

The step coming after the ceremony for agreement to marry is engagement. Engagement ceremony is held in the bride’s home. Costs of engagement in some regions are borne by the bridegroom’s family.

After designating the date for engagement ceremony an invitation called “invitation to neighbours” is made. Guests who gather together on the day of engagement in the bridegroom’s home go to the bride’s home. In the traditional sections of the community women and men separately sit in the bride’s home, and after having lunch jewellery called “takı” is given to the bride who dressed in special dress for engagement ceremony by her mother-in law and relatives of the bridegroom . In some areas the bridegroom does not come to the bride’s home. In this case engagement ring is worn by the bride via a woman coming from the bridegroom’s home. In an engagement ceremony where the bridegroom is present rings worn by the bride and bridegroom are placed by an old man on ring fingers of their right hand with accompaniment of standard words and wishes.

It is known that residence of towns rich and susceptible cultural changes rent wedding hall for engagement ceremony and women and men sit together during celebration of engagement. In cities however this celebration is performed more freely.

No definite rule is imposed for period of engagement. This period depends upon agreement of both sides. While it is considered natural that engaged couples may meet each other in cities, in districts preserving traditional proceedings such meetings are allowed only through permission of members of the family or some one may accompany them. In case of breaking off an engagement it has not been so easy for girl and man to marry others in the same area. If the party who broke off the engagement is the girl all jewellery given as wedding present must be returned back. If the man’s family break off the engagement nothing is returned.

Wedding:

Wedding ceremonies are generally start on Tuesday and end on Thursday, or start on Friday and end on Sunday. Costs and expenses of wedding are met by the bridegroom’s family. Despite differences in accordance with various locations wedding may be classified mainly as planting a flag, women’s entertainment of the night next before the wedding day the bride’s fingers freshly tinged with henna (Kına Gecesi), fetching the bride, bride’s veil.

Before the wedding as is done in the course of engagement ceremony invitation is distributed and everybody is invited for the wedding. While the bride’s family tries to complete preparations for trousseau, the bridegroom’s family tries to complete articles which required to be bought for the bride and which have been previously determined.

A wedding flag is planted by men coming from the noon prayer and friends of bridegroom at the bridegroom’s home. At some regions such thins as apple, onion, mirror, etc. are placed on top of the flag. Thus the wedding gets started.

Night Next Before The Wedding Day, A Women’s Entertainment Where Bride’s Fingers Are Freshly Tinged With Henna ( Kına Gecesi):

This night in which the bride will be together with her family, relatives and friends all of which are women is just before the day of fetching bride as known the main wedding day. This night which is called “Kına Gecesi” is celebrated in the bride’s home. The bridegroom’s family and other guests are met and hosted in the bride’s home.

Usually dry henna brought by the bridegroom’s family is broken to pieces in a silver or cupper vessel by a woman whose father and mother alive, not experienced any separation. After preparing the bride, veil ornamented with red flake is placed over her head, and she is brought into the middle with accompaniment of hymn, folk songs about henna. Hands and feet of the bride are dyed with henna. The bridegroom’s side is under the obligation to put money in the hand of the bride. Dying ceremony of henna is different according to regions. The henna so dyed has such names and types as “iplik kınası” (henna for yarn), “sıvama” (smearing), “kuşgözü” (bird eye).

After leaving woman who came together for dying henna close friend of the bride remain with her and enjoy themselves till morning.

In some of our regions henna dying ceremony for bridegroom is also held in the bridegroom’s home.

Process To Fetch The Bride (Gelin Alma):

This day is named as “Gelin Alma” (to fetch the bride), “kız alma” (to fetch girl), “gelin götürme” ( to carry the bride), etc. Everybody is invited to fetch the bride. Guests go to fetch the bride on foot if not far, or by cars if too far to go. In some regions the bridegroom has not been allowed to accompany the bridal procession. Wedding flag, drum-pipe is included in the bridal procession. In some regions the bride is prepared by elderly women (yenge) who help and attend the bride, but today generally in hair dresser, and then she is taken by those who came from the bridegroom’s side.

“Maidenhood Belt” (Bekaret kuşağı) is tied around the Bride’s waist by her brother or her close relative and then the bride says good-by to those who stay in home. The bridegroom’s family, having paid money for chest and money for door, causes the bride to get into the car.

After travelling around the village with the accompaniment of drum-pipe the wedding procession arrives in the home of the bridegroom. Mother-in law gives a gift to the bride when she comes in front of the door. After sequence of implementations believed to affect humour of the bride, the bride in the bridegroom’s arm is taken inside. After a while the bridegroom is taken out by his friends to bring him back at night. After bridegroom’s shaving, bath and dressing ceremonies the bridegroom is taken to the mosque for prayer at night (Yatsı Namazı) and then he is brought back home with ceremony. Religious marriage ceremony is performed for the bride and the bridegroom who is brought with accompaniment of hodja (preacher). Upon performance of this celebration which confirms the marriage the bridegroom is allowed to enter the nuptial chamber.

Nuptial Chamber (Gerdek)

An elder woman in the nuptial chamber causes the couple to hold each other’s hand. The bridegroom performs his ritual prayer, and then opens the bride’s face after giving her present to see her unveiled face. They eat the meal offered by the bride’s family.

In traditional communities virginity is extremely important. A certain mark is sought. Absence of such mark is the cause for the bride to be sent back. The elder woman who comes to make the bed receives the money left by the bridegroom.

In some regions in the morning of the night of the nuptial chamber the bride is elaborately dressed and a ceremony is held with participation of women only. This is called “duvak” (veil), “gelin ertesi” (after the day of bride), “gelin sabahı” ( morning of the bride). In this ceremony the bride is caused to dance, her sheet is showed to those who are present. This is a tradition which has been no longer practised in some regions today.