i'm trying to get over infidelity. my husband messed up royaly and cheated on me (married with children)?

Question

if there is anyone out htere that was cheated on and is trying to work it out pls tell me how do get over the pain when it does surface. (he ended it and begged forgivness, and is not really the type to repeat mistakes, the probblem is that i do not trust him in most areas of life, nad when i think about another women holding him , or the good bye he probably had with her it kills me. it totaly consumes me and it makes it harder for me to let my husband , who is trying so hard, to get close to me. plus i'm still afraid he has feelings towards her).

Answer 1

If you still love him then the 2 of you need to go into counseling to learn how to deal with this. If not, move on and build a life without him

Answer 2

I'm somewhat in the same boat, unsure if I be able to give sound advice...I have been cheated on as well, the 1st time, it took nearly 2 years for me to recover from the shock and hurt, though it stills aches at times, the 2 years gradually allow me to trust him again....Sad to say, just when I have regain my trust, he had a bigger and nastier affair, he had also asked for forgiveness, but somehow his character is not such who will be patient, so be grateful for little things, at the very least YOUR HUBBY is already trying to make it up to you, and you have admitted that you trust he is not the kind who will repeat mistake....so, subconsciously, you have already made your choice,I know firsthand that it is easier said than done, but try to let go, and allow yourself time, but make your hubby know he's the 1 who caused all these, and thus he should be patient and go through this difficult period hand in hand with you....may yr hubby realize his foolishness, drop me a IM if u wish to talk, or talk to your close friend, for some, talking about it is part of the therapy....good luck...

Answer 3

If your anything like me, you will never get over it, you see I have this problem that I trust Everyone. But then again you see, once they lose my trust, it's gone forever so I have to give everyone the benefit of believing them. My best friend (her husband) did this to her 14 years ago! Yes they got back together and I was really happy. They had a baby, she's now 11, they were at the happiest point of there life, sex wise, everything until he was feeling a little to macho and decided to do it again, it about killed her and her daughter who was close to her dad. I'm sorry to say this to you but in my book "once a cheater always a cheater" But remember that's how "I Feel" I don't know your husband maybe he won't do it again. I could never live with it myself, I won't share my man, I even left a really good man for doing that. Good Luck in what ever you decide, try getting counseling. And do lots of talking to each other,but realize you won't trust him for a long long time, so you need to explain that to him,if he's any kind of man he'll understand and if he doesn't well..... sunnydays

Answer 4

Things like this take time to get over, thats if you can ever really get over it at all. cheating before marriage is hard enough to deal with but the fact that you are married with kids in my opinion makes it a whole lot worse. Do you really believe that things could ever go back to the way you want them to be? If yes give it a go, but it will take time. If no, well don't waste your time. I know if it was me, I would be wishing and hoping that I could one day have what we had before but deep down I would never be able to trust my husband again, and as you say the thought of some other woman touching him would drive me mad. I know that ever time I would look at my husband this is what I would start to picture and I would wonder things like "Did he tell her he loved her" or "Did he tell her he would leave me to be with her some day", things that you will probably never really be sure you know the truth about.

Answer 5

you need to make the decision to forgive him because if you can't then you need to separate. If you really believe he won't cheat again it is possible to make it through this, you may even have a better relationship as long as you don't throw it in his face when you argue. The more you love him the easier it is to forgive.
My husband cheated on me 8 years ago and we have come out of it closer and stronger. I punished him for a month or so but we talked a lot. I know this sounds corny but Dr Phil wrote a book called relationship rescue and we bought it 2 years ago we were getting along fine before the book but we understand each other better after reading it together.

Answer 6

It is hard to trust someone who has betrayed you. Trust is something that needs to be earned. I understand how you feel and it is so hard to forgive, but I'll tell you this, you will never forget. My fiance cheated on me with his ex when we first got together, of course he denied it, but 8 years on and I still feel the pain and hate towards him, but I just ryed to move on and forget, but it is so hard. I still have doubts in my mind when he goes to work everyday, but I wanted to be happy and he makes me happy. Sounds weird hey? I love him so much and I think he really has changed. Yours will to, you just have to give it time. Time does heal a lot of things. If you are happy then try and put everything aside and start again. Put it out of your mind. Thats all you can really do. I wish I could take your pain away but I can't. I just hope that whatever youdecide to do will make you happy.

Answer 7

I went through the same thing.The biggest problem for you is the trust. and these memories are going to come back to haunt you again and again and again. Whatever he might do from now on, your brain will try to link it up with the betrayal. The worst part is to forget. My life has become hell after this happened to me. I would strongly recommend that you take proactive steps to make sure that u do not suffer for any fault of yours. I could not take a divorce because i thought it might be bad for my kids. you also got to think abt your kids if you do decide to take a divorce. Next couple of months are going to be toughest ones of your life. Whatever happens you should not suffer for his mistakes. So freak out, have fun, engross yourself in work and try to forget abt it for a couple of months. After that you might get over it. If not than better take a divorce rather than spending life with a person whom you once loved.

Answer 8

Your trust in him has been betrayed big time.
He will have to earn your trust.y
If he is truely sorry you will feel it and you need to either learn to deal with it or divorce him.
The choice is yours.

Get some counseling.

If you still feel he has feelings for her then you aren't trusting him, Why stay married if you can't trust. If you want to remain married, then you need to work on letting go of the past and starting fresh with him.

Remember it is easier for kids to be from a broken home than to live in one.

Your husband betrayed you in the worse way. You say he won't repeat it. I fear he will eventually if you don't forgive him and move on.
Eventually he will tire of your rejection.

This isn't easy, but you need to get off of the fense and either welcome him back in to your arms or move on without him. Living in this limbo will just keep the faimiy in stress and dysfunction.

Answer 9

All this and you're searching for advice on what to do? provide him the boot! the faster you get that divorce, the faster you initiate off accumulating baby help and the faster you will get your financial existence so as. to no longer point out your emotional properly being. Marine or no longer, he will nevertheless ought to pay....judges are not partial - they are honest. Get the papers going, make him pay for 0.5 of the debt collected and say good ridance and don't look returned.

Answer 10

You need to go to couples counselling, as well as alone. Your husband completely eroded the bedrock of your marriage, and feelings towards each other.
I did this, tried to get over it...eventually I threw him out so he could go live with her and end the daily pain he was putting me in.
I hope things work out for the best for you, be strong, and no matter if you keep him in your life or not seek professional help for the feelings this has/will/does cause.
Good luck!