What Can She Do? Trapped with a guy that treats her like crap?

Question

My Older Sister Louise (41) has been in a relationship with her parnter for 15 years now, and the last 3-4 years have been particularly unhappy for her.
They jst dont do 'couple' things anymore, he Never shows her any affection, Speaks to her like a piece of Crap and its me and her middle son daniel who have to comfort her when she is upset.

She has made it clean she wants rid of him....BUT....cannot afford to run her house and pay the bills without his input.
He has even told his friend that he knows he can walk all over her because of this.......
Its been so long since ive seen me sis smile, ive told her she needs out before she is too old to enjoy life.....

Anyone else been in a similliar situation to her? what did you do?

Dont be nosey???
Well I LIVE at my sisters house, my mom kicked me out 7 years ago when i was 14 so it would be pretty damn difficult NOT to notice these things you fuckin idiot

They are not married, its more of a common-law thing and they have one child aged 12

Answer 1

Tell her to kick him out...She'll struggle, but manage eventually!! Also, she'll be happier in the long run!!

Answer 2

To the bloke that says "dont be nosey..." what a wanker, he's the one being nosey and opinionated. Who agrees with me?
Otherwise, maybe you and sis can talk about how to kick out the bastard husband. Maybe with a bit of help from you and a couple roommates she could make it financially.
Also, she has my admiration because she has given you a home for seven years or so. Yes, you owe her your love, loyalty, and personal interest in her life, her happiness because she is your sister, but also because she did do so much extra for you.
If noting else, you can try to give her a bit more of your time and your love, it won't fill the gap the bastard wanker has made, but it can help.
Blood is certainly thicker.
Oh yes, I girl I know was heading toward a similar unhappy thing. We supported her, didn't give advice, but did make suggestions (a little difference between the two), and she had the power to get rid of the cold one.
A last thought: give your sis a little gift here and there as you can afford. Inexpensive, but something that may make her smile a bit.
I am pulling for you, Daniel, and your sister. She sounds great!

Answer 3

I've not been in this situation, but if I was I'd get out straight away. I know I would be able to get a room or a flat and a job so that I could pay my own way. It might not be as luxurious as before but I'd rather be happy somewhere small, than unhappy with someone who treats me badly.
You must get her to make the change and it will probably help her self esteem as she discovers that she can make a life for herself without the need for anyone else.

good luck.

Answer 4

I was in a relationship like that and the reason i stayed was because of money. I ended up having to swallow my pride and move into a place i could afford. This man sounds emotionally abusive to me and she does need out. The only way i left was when i looked at my kids and seen what it was doing to them. So, have her focus on her son and make a better happier life for him. With the willpower of that she will do just fine without that guy..Good luck to her I hope she finds the strength and courage to leave...I've made it on my own with 4 little kids so I know she can make it on her own with one....

Answer 5

Many of us have been in this situation one time or another. Fortunalty my fiance has never treated me this way. My friend was in the same situation not long ago and well all she did was sit her hubby down and talk to him about how this was making her feel. He didn't realise that he was doing this half the time. I don't know what to tell you other than I think if your sister isn't happy then she should leave. There is no use in her staying with this monster if money is all she's worried about. She deserves to be treated with respect. If she does want to stay with him, then she should really talk to him and tell him how this makes her feel. She not only has to look after herself she has kids to think about. She needs to do something now before this gets out of hand.

Answer 6

Contact a lawyer (lots will give free first consultations) and ask what the laws are in your state. Some states consider couples who have lived together for a certain amount of time common-law spouses. If this is the case, he CAN'T just walk out, they have to get a divorce. Also, some states have civil union and/or domestic partner laws (they don't just apply to gay couples).

Are her children his children? Are they minors? If so then he will HAVE to pay child support whether they are married or not.

Answer 7

You need to realize that she is where she wants to be or she would have done something about it.
She gets a lot of attention from you and it depresses you all because she puts on you what she will never deal with.
If you got her to leave,she will be back within the week,as its easier to live the way she is use too,than break from it and start all over again.
She probably thinks she is too old to start again,and money reasons are never as bad as they seem,as there are ways she can get enough to continue after a divorce.

Answer 8

I'm currently facing the same situation as your sis. I've been married for 2 years only and my husband treats me like crap. He abuses me verbally and then apologises and says that's they are just words and meant nothing. We are going through counselling now although it hasn't done any good so far. I've also thought of leaving him many times, but each time he would beg for my forgiveness and promise to change. Perhaps you can ask her to try marriage counselling first and if it doesn't work, she can always sell the house and stay with you :)

Answer 9

I am in the same situation myself and have decided to move out without his knowledge, as he is also violent. I have found a ROOM to rent about 70miles away, and as I work, I should be able to get on with life. I have decided that as I am not comfortable in my mind and soul, the material comforts do not mean much.

If the house is your sisters' she must kick him out and seek help about how to manage her finances. She will manage with your help and professional help as well. Good luck to you both

Answer 10

the guy is a total jerk and seems to like the fact that he can control her maybe he gets some weird thrill out of it, there are places and shelters that give advice on housing for women in this sort of situation maybe you can find her some phone numbers and addresses on theweb, this sounds more like an excuse for staying and not a reason she has to want it her self and mean it not just say it because she thinks it is what people want to hear her say, she has to help her self before any one else can, maybe there is a relative or person you trust that can talk to her and help good luck

Answer 11

This is one of those where you can't have your cake and eat it sorry to say.
Not much she can do if she wants to hold on to her financial security. And he doesn't sound the type that would want to address his behaviour. And possibly even the type that would make her life even more unbearable if he was to be told what she really tought.
You did't say how old the youngest child is but if i was in a situation like hers i would probably grin and bear it for the kids' sake, knowing that i can dump him like a brick when my kids are older.
I've got a daughter and if this was me now i would probably pack up , move in with family and start again. But with more than one child it's a different story.