pls help???

Question

hi friends..i have a prob ..i married my b/f of 2 yrs 6 yrs back we were v happy initialy but after we got a baby boy we r fighting all the time i think there is no love between us as we cant stand each other but i still love him and i know that he loves me too so pls advice thanks!!!
he has become v dominating whatever i ask him his ans is no

Answer 1

Review your good time. What has become different now. How you have changed or how he has changed since then. Small things play a great part in a relationship. Take tea together in the morning, have dinner together, go for an outing every off and on, enjoy sex on regular basis, bring in novelty in it, etc.

First thing first, whenever you wish to retort, tell yourself, not now. Have patience. Do not expect a windfall gain. It would come slowly. Listen to him. There is nothing like loss or gain in a relationship. If your relationship lives it would bring in equality and prosperity.
Always keep your cool in a broil. Sometimes, the spouse is short tempered than it is always wise to bear at the point of fight and then with a cool mind make him realise.

Answer 2

You were happy but once the baby boy came you're fighting? Was there fighting beforehand?
If you're fighting all the time, these issues need to be resolved. What is the common disagreement/s? This is a case where you both need to go to joint counselling and work out your issues together.
You do love eachother, but maybe you're not in love with eachother? Sometimes this happens... but this is not the definite answer. Perhaps you just need to revive that spark that you had initially. A baby is very time consuming and perhaps you don't have the opportunity you once had to communicate and express your true opinions on things. Do you find yourself holding back? Holding back your opinions/feelings etc? Because you're too tired?
Take the initiative, you have already, if you feel there is still something to be saved. Suggest you have a talk, alone. Get someone to mind the baby. Go to counselling if need be. If you feel love for this guy, and he loves you, anything is possible.
The dominating thing. If a guy is threatening you, in any way, that needs to stop. How can you love someone that controls you? You're better than that. If he is worrying you, never be scared to seek help. He cannot scare you into submission. If he tries, go for help. There is always someone to help. And perhaps that is his safety mechanism - if so, tell him how it makes you feel and if he's a good man he'll stop. However, if it's aggressive, still tell him how its makes you feel, and if it happens again, do something about it.
Don't stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy. If you think you're doing the right thing by the kid, that may be a little true, but what kid wants to see unhappy parents that fight all the time? It's worse than having a split family. It may not be what you invisioned but you have to roll with the punches. Stand on your own two feet and do what's best for you. And the kid. You're husband will understand and together you can work it out..
And if you can't, don't hesitate to do what you need to do.
Best of luck

Answer 3

some males have a 1 track mind.. once uv been 2gether long enuf they think the newness has worn off especially when a babys come in2 the picture if u guys r fighting all the time it isnt the best idea to stay with him as it is not good 4 your child emotionally or yourself just think about what u need 2 do 4 u and your baby right now. and is it a smart choice 4 u 2 stay in that dominating relationship. u could end up getting hurt!

Answer 4

Many men feel left out once a child is born.
Before the birth your husband was the centre of attention and then all of a sudden you have to spend all your time on the baby.
One thing you could try is to manage your time better.
Have alone time with your baby, have alone time with your husband, have alone time with you, have time with both your husband and son and make sure your husband does the same too.
This way you will be creating time when you are away from each other which should make the time you spend together that more wanted.
Also try and convince your husband to spend more time with your son without you so you can regain your energy and do some things for yourself. Once the two of you share your individual time with the baby you will find you will have more energy

Answer 5

Just reading what you wrote gives me a wee bit of insight as to what could be one of the reasons for this unfortunate situation. Katty I am going to analyze your question bit by bit please do not be offended. OK!

“Hi friends..i have a prob…” You say I have a problem, so in your mind it is very clear that you are the good guy and hubby is the problem. The key word here being “I” Obviously this will be the message you are sending out to him during communication.

Lost somewhere in the middle you do say, “We r fighting all the time…” This tells me that you are quite aware that both of you are at fault. The key word here being “We”

Now when both are at fault yet during communication the message being sent out by you is that he alone is at fault. Then here is reason.

Now read this. “I think there is no love between us…” Only to be followed by, “But i still love him and i know that he loves me too…” Katty, can you see the huge conflict here? Confusion personified! I am sorry but this is coming from your mind so it will be attributed to your share of the faults which at this stage seems to be the major part. Here is major reason.

When a relationship of two people very happy for around eight years suddenly takes a nose dive on the arrival of a third individual it means the this new arrival has triggered a change in the minds of one or both the partners. We have analyzed probable changes that may have happened to you as nothing is known about your hubby.

Consciously or unconsciously sending out a “I am right and you are wrong” message in communication constantly will cause the other partner to retaliate in an effort to prove otherwise. This normally turns nasty. Solution recognize your faults as well as his. Communicate with the we are at fault rather than the you are at fault. Rectify the faults. There seems to be conflict and confusion in your mind this is no doubt pissing him off, cut it out. Of course all these faults may have crept into you because of some major change in him but in your writing I cannot see his faults. So one would have to hear his side as well to be able to give proper advice. Give yourselves KRA (Key Responsible Areas) work on these areas. Love is not lost… responsibility has brought about pointing fingers, which in turn has resulted in hurt egos. You guys owe it to baby, so point the fingers at self, heal the egos and you guys will be back in love again. BEST OF LUCK .

Answer 6

I suggest solution to your problem in two parts:

Part 1: Usually there arises a problem about taking care of the child between couples. Wife wants the husband to do it and the husband desires the other way round. Hence, the solution is that both of the parents should come forward for taking care of the child without expecting the other to do it. Look, child care should not be considered as a domestic chore… it is rather an emotional instinct that is supposed to be present in both of you.

Part 2: It appears that there is minimal interaction between you two. Speak as more as possible. If you even shout on one another, that is also interaction and you would be at least passing and receiving messages. The “yes, no, thanks” sort of interaction should be stopped forth with… do talk as much as possible…

Have a nice talk with the child in your arms…

Answer 7

All long-term relationships go through a variety of phases. There is the initial dating and courtship and infatuation period. If the relationship continues, it settles into a more stable time of building a history as a couple.

As we become busier each day with the needs of our children, our employer, and our community, it's easy to put the needs of your spouse on the back burner. After all, they know we love them...right? By not keeping the needs of our spouse on the front burner, it breeds a feeling of indifference and lack of caring.

How do you overcome the indifference routine that you've fallen into? By daily acts of kindness, letting your spouse know you are thinking of them throughout the day. When children enter the picture, that is a new phase. Later, there is another phase of being together as a mature couple with the wisdom of experience.

Actually the child brings in a lot of stress on both the parents as the wife gets extra busy and tired and the husband finds his routine broken and the constant demand of the child are unnerving and the couples strat to become snappy and tend to nit pick at ech other and tempers fly.

But remember it is possible to keep passion, romance, excitement and sexual intensity alive through the years, but we also know that many relationships settle into a kind of friendly (or not so friendly) roommate situation. Every relationship has it’s ups and downs, but there are tools that can keep passion perking right along. Here are 10 of them:

1. Be kind - I’m writing this on a cruise ship and it’s fascinating to watch people grouch at their spouses, then turn around and share a friendly smile with a stranger. We tend to take family and best friends for granted. A smile, a wink, just a moment of kindness goes a long way.

2. Be attentive - Paying attention to the details of life is important. Pick up your own trash, and pick up for each other. Put things away, help each other with the small projects around the house. These things are the currency of love.

3. Be gracious - Small surprises can create huge rewards in a relationship. I think of it as the "Martha Stewart Effect". Taking a moment to put on a clean shirt before dinner, or using the good china, or cutting a flower from the garden and putting it on the table, are examples. All these things add color, spice, and graciousness to our lives.

4. Be patient - We all have bad days. It happens. When it happens to your spouse, be smart! Take the kids to the park for an hour, order Chinese take-out for dinner. Give him/her a break! This is the reality of life. Allow for it.

5. Be honest - Tell the truth about your feelings, and do it promptly and in a respectful, effective way. Share your disappointments and fears, but also share dreams, hopes, and gratitude's. Keeping secrets kills passion.

6. Be funny - Life seems to have supply its own stress and worry, but we have to provide the humor on our own. Share a joke, take time to tickle each other or rent a funny movie, and do it often. The couple that laughs together, often does other fun stuff together, too!

7. Be flexible - Over a lifetime, people change. Hopefully, your relationship will change and grow and mature with as you change. One of you will change careers, the other will change religions. One will have an illness, the other will make a mistake. Relationships either bend and flex with the winds of life, or they break.

8. Be generous - Surprise each other with flowers, candy, a card, or other gift. Do it often. Do it for no particular reason. Do it because you love each other and thought it would be nice to show it with a gift.

9. Be available - The second of the "big 3" was "take time for each other". Schedule time to walk and talk, go for drives in the country, go to dinner and see a movie together. Dozens of couples ranked time together as the most critical component in keeping romance and passion alive.

10. Be physical - This is about sensuality perhaps more than sexuality. Couples talked about the importance of scents, of candles and flowers and walks on the beach. They talked about making love, but mostly they talked about back rubs and holding hands, and creating memories.

They talked about getting dressed up and going out, and they talked playful and finding their own way. You can do this!

Someone has said, "Life is what happens while you were making other plans." Romance is about real life, not about dreams and fantasies of the perfect partner. Romance and passion are about taking time to enjoy the company of the person you love.
Both you and our husband read this and try as much as possible to implement these in your daily routine. Do it today and Have Fun!
Good luck>r

Answer 8

the only way you and he can sort your relationship is to talk,,PROPERLY,,,,tell him you want to discuss your relationship because you can feel it failing and you know he feels the same,,this will let him know you are under no illusions about how he feels and he has no need to lie and say he thinks all is fine,,,stress how you feel your relationship has changed ,give examples,,,"do you remember when we used to" remind him how it was and then," wouldnt it be better for us to be walking around happy rather than miserable?,,,,,,," include the baby in a positive way,,stress how it has been tough for you and you know it has been for him too but you feel it all going under and if you continue there wont be anything left to fight for,,get your feelings out on the table,,he has a choice in this so he has to speak unless he really is prepared to be unhappy together like now,or even separate,,surely if you were happy before it is worth trying to recreate the magic,,,,you are a family and it is HARD work,,,for it to be successful you must both want it to work,,if only you wants to fight for what you have,,it will fail but you have to talk and see if he is prepared to speak honestly and from the heart.

Answer 9

having a baby is a huge commitment and once you have that baby, there's usually no time left for each other. That's what happened to me, during the day you are working and once you get home you're stuck with the baby till he/she sleeps. That's when you find time for each other, but that's when you just wanna shut up and go to sleep!

Answer 10

Hiii Katty sorry to hear about your problem .... but then i concur with one of the answers you have got that after the baby you guys have stopped communicating with each other... listen it takes two hands to clap and i am sure you have the gist of what i mean. Talk to him and do not neglect him because of the child... make him feel wanted and it would do wonders to you guys bcos you both are still in love.
But then if this also not working try the counselers and if this fails i have no answers bcos it is up to you.