Sexual Experience?

Question

I feel silly asking this on yahoo--but i guess that's why its anonymous right?

I'll be blunt, I was molested as a child by a relative. He'd touch my ******* and stretch certain parts of it. I've since had counciling etc. but still my bf wants to be oral and stuff and i HATE it. I don't mind doing it for him but he won't get off me about it. He's really understanding etc. but he gets really sad when i don't let him. suggestions?

Answer 1

I think it all comes down to the molestation. Somethings later in life will affect your sex life. Some things cause flash back memories. Or should I say nightmares. He probably feels as though you don't trust him. You'll just have to try to explain to him how it makes you feel.

Answer 2

Your childhood experience by a relative is unfortunate and you have not forgotten it. This is the reason that is coming in your way of enjoying now. Further, you may have a fear that your boy friend may not marry you. Make sure he marries you (if you are ready emotionally). If you are not interested, please tell frankly. Everything is fair in love as long as both the partners like it. Explain your boy friend that there are better methods of enjoyment and go for methods, which are mutually enjoyable.

Answer 3

Sounds like a difficult situation. I once had a female friend who went through that. Her step-dad even threatened to kill her if she told anyone. That scarred her for life and there was no way that I could see to help her forget. She was dating a guy for 4 years when I met her, and he was definitely not good enough for her. He didn't care about making sure she was taken care of, he was only interested in being satisfied himself. I came into the picture and she fell for me, and I her. We had a secret relationship for 3 months. She would not even let me kiss her, we only talked, and we talked for hours upon hours. Everyone in her family had pulled me to the side and told me that she has never been happier than when i showed up. They told me that I need to fight for her because she really deserved me. I am not boasting, I am relaying what was said. One day it all changed, almost for no reason. She wouldn't answer my calls, she would stay in her room when I came to visit. Ultimately she cast me out because the reality that i would treat her with the most respect than anyone scared her. She would have received many pleasures and luxuries from me. I realized that this baggage she carried around wouldn't allow her to be happy. She had to punish herself for what happened, and that is exactly what her boyfriend did for her.

It sounds to me that your boyfriend is getting frustrated because he is having insecurities about not being able to selflessly please you. He does understand you and how you feel about it, but you might stop and think that maybe he knows what you might need. Maybe he wants to show you that it will be alright and there is no reason to be ashamed of it. If you cannot allow yourself to enjoy that then what other things are you making yourself miss out on? It is healthier for you to want to work through it then to suppress it and keep a hold of the guilt. If nothing else at least talk to him about what I have said and see what his intentions are. Then you can decided if you want to take that step out of the impending shadow or remain in the dark.

I hope this helps, good luck.

Answer 4

It's your body. It happened to me too as a child. I however, never got counciling. I still remember,,, but you have to remember too, that your bf likes that and you have to tell yourself it is ok, he is not the person that molested you as a child.That part of your life is over. try to relax.. It is very stimulating..

Answer 5

I'm sorry you're going through this. Of course you hate it...it probably brings back a lot you'd rather forget. Even though you've had counseling, find someone you trust, you still have things to resolve. Good luck.

Answer 6

He will understand, at least thats the only part of sex that turns you off, you should get your boyfriend to beat the relative up.

Answer 7

let him know you had a bad experience and that is why you aren't interested in that kind of activity...if he doesn't understand then screw him or get counseling...you should probably get counseling because this discomfort won't go away.. this oral stuff is something you should enjoy someday

Answer 8

If your partner does not listen and respect your wishes then get rid of him, you should not do any thing that causes you discomfort, never mind hate, to make some one happy

Answer 9

Don't let him push you into something that you are uncomfortable doing.. If he don't understand why you don't want to give into him he is not worth the time of day... It sounds like he just wants you for sex and you don't need that. Get rid of him..

Answer 10

Do you trust him enough to tell him about the abuse? Anyone who would still be upset with you fully knowing what you have gone through isn't worth your time. Can you go to counselling together?