We've known each other for ten years and just started a sexual relationship 5 months ago. He married a girl because he had been a bachelor for many years. I married for convenience and had given up on true love. My husband has been ill but before he got ill the relationship was pretty much a roommate type thing. No intimacy at all emotionally or physically. But I do love this married man and had always been attracted to him from the first time I met him years ago. Now he says he loves me but doesn't know what he can do about it. He has felt guilty from the beginning because he is a friend to my husband. And with my husband being sick. I have felt guilty too but for not loving my husband the way a wife should love their husband. My husband I have remained by his side even while having this affair I've always put him first because his illness will probably result in death. I don't want him to die and I will stay with him as long as he is on this earth. Need real advice not insults.
2006-11-07 18:36:45 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You both married, whether for the right reasons or not, it is done. If you love each other the way you say, then that love will be there when the time comes for you to be together. It is a true test of how you really feel for each other.
2006-11-07 18:41:23 · answer #1 · answered by Julie W 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The only real advice here is that marriage vows are a done thing; on both sides. It is hard to accept responsibility for that, but you married this poor chap knowing that it was a marriage of convenience. So, you made promises that way, as did the chap that married someone else. If you see that, then there is no question of remaining faithful and standing by your husband. I know it takes a lot, but I believe you have definite standards, and that is why you wrote in about it. Accept your part in this, and the solution is clear.
If either of you act on those past feelings, then you are risking everything.
2006-11-07 18:44:48 · answer #2 · answered by sigoviafan 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are right, you need to be on your husband's side now that he is ill. it maybe true that your married life is not like a normal husband & wife relationship. I praise you for staying with your husband despite your relationship. But your relationship with your husband's friend is wrong. I understand how you feel but the extramarital affair will only make your life worst. You can still discontinue your affair & I know your lover will understand if you tell him that you want your affair to stop.
2006-11-07 19:18:18 · answer #3 · answered by lette 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The thing is, you are both married. You can say you married your husband for convenience but don't forget the fact that you willingly gave your vows to him. Give him the dignity he at least deserves by not continuing this affair. What about the other man's wife? Have you thought about her?
2006-11-07 18:59:11 · answer #4 · answered by Aurora 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For now, you must remain committed to your husband. Stay friends with the other man, of course--just break off the sexual part for now. You are torn between the two men, but you are married to the one. You must honor that vow you made. Also, your friend is married, too--he has to remain faithful to his wife, just as much as you do to your husband. The only other option for you is divorce--but that would backfire for both of you. Seriously, best to stay low-profile for now.
2006-11-07 19:15:09 · answer #5 · answered by Mudcat007 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Anyone that would insult you has never been through anything as stressful as watching someone die. I hope with all my heart this gets better for you. Unfortunately, you most likely don't have a long-term chance with the man you're having the affair with. He probably won't leave his family for you and you deserve better than to go through hell twice.
2006-11-07 19:13:22 · answer #6 · answered by Jodie S 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I do not understand why you would go from one difficult relationship, and add another on top of it.If your husband is not going to be here very much longer can you not at least wait until he is gone. It seems to me you are just making a mess of every thing and it all may be for nothing.
2006-11-07 18:42:38 · answer #7 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think you should chill out with your "friend", and just because your husband is sick and will probably die soon doesn't give you the right to do that to him, sorry i know that is kinda insulting but it is the best advice i can give you.
best wishes
2006-11-07 18:42:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋