Ladies, how does it make you feel when your husband thinks of himeself before you?

Question

Just curious to see how you ladies feel about it when your husbands or b/f's think of themselves first, like it's me first, instead of thinking of you and your feelings and needs before his own?

Personally I think it's wrong, and will admit that I have been guilty of it, and have been working hard at chaning my mentality as far as putting my wife before myself.

Answer 1

Hey I like you! ^_^ ..lol..seriously though, good for you it's really nice to know that there are men like you out there.

My husband WAS selfish-I am at the point where I am just like "Come on work with me here" it takes it's toll on a person when your lover thinks of himself before he does you all the time. And you keep telling yourself he'll come around, you only have Faith to keep you from drowning really...It hurts to be treated second all the time.

Now he's changing and I can finally breathe a lil more....I think I will have to get use to being TRULY happy in this relationship of ours and believing that things are different between us... it takes two right? =)

Hey thanks for giving me a chance to share my thoughts slash vent....keep shinning and never give up! Best wishes to you and yours!

Answer 2

Okay Bryan, I'm only answering this because I can relate. I am what is typically known as a people pleaser. I'm a mother of five, I run the household, keep everyone's schedule's together and have dinner on the table for the hubby at 5:30 with a smile on my face. I don't always want to, there are times it completely infuriates me to see his behind magnetized to his recliner when I'm still stuck doing the dinner dishes...I work all day too! Or to make family plans and then have to rearrange them at the last minute just because his football game time has been pushed back and he's gotta be there instead. Can you seriously imagine being packed for a family vacation with a plane to catch and I'm suppose to load up all the kids, get them packed and hope we'll meet up at the airport? BUT....there is a reason you do this to your wife....she allows it, much like I DID. I no longer do. One day, I woke up and said this just wasn't working. I was putting in 150% just to cover his share. And we sat down....oh, I'll be honest...we sat down and talked this over many times. Yet, each time, he gave a little more and the more he gave, the more I wanted to give back. It's now a balance and it's great.

Changing a mentality isn't hard. You wake up one day and just decide you aren't going to do something anymore. What is hard, is breaking the habit. You've been taking advantage far too long and she's been enabling you to do it. It's become a norm for the two of you. Instead of making drastic changes, start small. Ask for her opinion and actually listen to it. Offer to do something she likes to do once in a while. Take her out on a date. There are a million little things you can do to let her know she means something to you. Once you start doing them, it'll seem less like a chore and more like you've got a partner on your side who's willing to give as well as take. Don't worry about being the "perfect" husband hon, they don't exist. Worry about being her friend again, take her feelings into consideration and she'll continue to do the same for you. That's how a marriage/relationship will last...if you grow together. Living separate lives, like you are now, only leads to disaster and feelings of resentment. Admitting the problem is the hardest part, and you've done that...now go and work on the little things.

Answer 3

It's give and take and both partners should consider the other first when the time is appropriate. You are thoughtful to realize this as many men just do what they want and they think they're Tarzan and the wife is the servant.

Women fit the role of serving men since time began. It's a different world now. Women work outside the home and inside the home and so do men. That's why it is important to share the home responsibilities.

Some men automatically assume that their wants and goals are shared by the wife. WRONG. When women's thoughts, ideas, and dreams are kicked aside for what the man desires, she becomes despondent and quits taking care of her appearance and literally becomes the servant. She's unhappy, gnarly, and argumentative most of the time because she feels no self worth.

She feels resentment toward her partner, and eventually doesn't love him at all and may divorce him. It is the same with men if they are treated as if they are unimportant. Sometimes they feel like a paycheck to their family.

Answer 4

I think it is normal for people to think of themselve first, especially if that person is a man. Women on the other hand are more self sacrificing. I hated it at first when my husband did that but I'm more or less quite use to it now. The important thing is, if you can't put your wife before you then at least put your children before you (that is if you have any).

Answer 5

I'm not a lady, but I'll share something with you. The last 20 years has been turned into the "me, first" generation. Educators and others have concentrated so much on building self-esteem, that they have created an entire generation of self-centered, narcissistic, jerks; both male and female. Chivalry has gone down the tube.

So don't be too hard on yourself; you were well-trained. Bravo for recognizing it, and working on change! it will be for the better!

Answer 6

I think it is wrong to, but it is also human. Everybody has done it before and is hard not to sometimes. In the crazy world we live in we hardly have time to think about are own need much least someone else. I have done it to my husband before and have felt bad then I do something special to show I care. If your action are not physically or mentally harmful to your wives needs, you just being hard on yourself.

Answer 7

Honestly, my husband puts me first most of the time but in that rare occasion he puts his needs above mine, I let him be. The way I see it, he's been putting me first and now that he wants his way, I let him have his way. Just as long as it doesn't become a habit for both of us. I believe in give and take and I consider myself very patient so I don't make a big deal about it.

I have to commend u though, for realizing this in yourself and working towards changing your attitude. Keep up the good work.

Answer 8

I once went out with my sister and her husband, they live in Europe, we were in Europe, but they live in a little town and we have gone to a major city, they were to go shopping for clothes, but his shopping came first, he was concerned that the stores were going to close and he was not going to be able to shop (stores in Europe are not like in the US) so all he cared about was his shopping, if by any chance after he got his stuff the stores were still open, then my sister could go shopping, I felt completely bad for my sister, BUT, I made her see it, and now it's either they get the same things or nothing at all.
If you love someone you share the same.

Answer 9

We are human and therefore, we are sometimes selfish. However, I believe that if we truly love our partner, we will always try to put that person before us. If we both feel this way, then we should feel good knowing how much we truly care about each other. Good for you and your effort in trying to change. Your wife is very lucky!

Answer 10

I think it's excusable because everyone (yes, ladies too ) are guilty of being selfish or self centered at times.
As long as it doesn't get out of hand or become the normal way of relating.