i wrote this peom what do you think???

Question

1 shot 2 shot 3 shot 4 5 shot 6 shot 7 shot more
a flying fist kills the mans wife
a little boy watching as he comits suidie with a knife
at the funral people cry
but no one remebers the little boy that didn't die

he crys behing the back cherch pew
waiting for his hero to come to the rescue
a man no older then 32
finds him crying behind that pew
next thing you no adoption papers are coming

2 years later the boy still wakes up crying
remebering that night
that great stuggle that great fight
crawls into bed with his foster parents coferting him and telling him it will be alright
but as the boy grows older he will find the hurt grow more
intill the day he finds that one person that he greatly adores

that boy now is a man
he hade this plan
july 13 his daughter was born
looking into her eyes he promised himself
he will never drink
no matter wat people might think
he dosn't care
he dosn't want his daughter to have memories haunt
her like he hade had over the years
all those thoughts all those fears

Answer 1

I can almost see a personal experience in this poem. It's to real and sounds like something only one who has known can write. Hope I am wrong. however, it is very sad, and loving at the same time.

Answer 2

Rules for poetry have been skewed over the past 100 years, so no one can say that it is not a poem. That said, this piece reads very choppy, and that is a product of meter. You start off with the sing-song rhyme in the first line, and then it deteriorates until you drop the rhyme scheme completely.

The subject of the poem is very poignant, and it deserves a good reading. My personal suggestion is to either drop (or rewrite) the first line to kill the sing-song effect, or try to incorporate that rhyme for a surrealistic effect throughout the rest of the poem.

Edit for spelling (even e e cummings had to spell correctly), work the meter a bit, and then repost to see if you achieve the effect you seek. Good luck and keep writing, it shows promise.

Answer 3

Your poem does make experience on what you suggested by using the full situation- the situation is you may make it easier to realize're a youthful teen who wrote the poem. the sturdy situation to renowned and sturdy situation approximately being a author is digging deep Into your coronary heart. i understand and that i will experience which you would be waiting to have achieved a lot greater suitable With this piece you wrote right here. it form of sounds such as you basically sat down and wrote it interior count of seconds. Now, this time take a seat without noise in besides- sparkling your recommendations Dig deep into your coronary heart- now write down each and every thing that includes your recommendations enable the words bypass after which you've the main coronary heart touching poem EVER

Answer 4

It is not really what I would usually like. But I do thing it is good. And don't listen to what that "editor" said. That was being just down right vicious. And if that person thinks this is the wrong forum for poetry, then where should we put it. Y!Answers does not have a poetry category. Any way sorry to go off like that but mean people make me upset.
Good job and I hope you continue to write more.

Answer 5

This is NOT the forum for your poetry and it is in violation. And really, this is so bad it STINKS! Poetry is about IMAGERY, and you have NONE of that here. You obviously don't understand meter either. If you want to read some great poetry by people who know what they are doing, check out Emily Dickinson and Wallace Stevens. Dear, you should skip the poetry and try something else. This is REALLY awful! You asked.

Answer 6

Sad but well written, especially in the way you convey the emotion of the little boy and then his emotions as an adult.
If you enter your poem in any contest, you should run it through the spell check because of the spelling mistakes, but the poem itself is very touching.

Answer 7

A poetic expression of feeling you bear, though it's not a "poem". All are poets within but it is so difficult to let it out in black and white. Try hard.

Answer 8

Very sad, deep. Just work on your spelling a lot of misspelled words. Or is that on purpose?

Answer 9

Nice job

Answer 10

Why don't you have anything to drink?

Choose one making you better feeling!!

That's my poem. I'm so proud.

Keep on writing. Keep on, keep on.