:( My man and I want to tell her NO, but we are scared to shut down communication at such a young age. So far we have explained to her that we really don't like the idea. Her Dad has tried to call and talk to her Mom, but it seems like she's avoiding. I know its a cry out for attention she is not getting at home(she lives in another state). How can we talk her out of this idea without making her think that we are punishing her or embarassing her for even asking?
2006-11-07 14:11:49 · 24 answers · asked by Gia V 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
btw She lives in another state, so we really can only give our opinion to her Mom and her (who won't even call us back about this) :(
2006-11-07 14:26:04 · update #1
My sons teacher told us last year- when he was 9- that the idea of having boyfriends and girlfriends is another way of them saying you like me and I like you. It is a way of confirming it and most times they change thier minds shortly after because its also like saying ok- we need to be exclusive friends and children dont do exclusive very well.
So, a good answer could be that it is ok. She really is just trying out roles and relationships. I wouldnt promote any behavior that is too developementaly inapropriate, like being alone in her room with a boy or going on "Dates". Other than that- let her have the confidance to role play and keep that conversation open.
2006-11-07 14:20:32 · answer #1 · answered by jeweledfruit 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to take into consideration that the terms "Boyfriend" and "Girlfriend" come in tottaly different contexts to us as adults than they do to a 9 year old. To most 9 year olds, having a boyfriend or girlfriend is simply a hug here and there or holding hands on the playground where teachers closely monitor behavior. I would say let her do it and keep an eye on the situation, because if you say no she is going to do it anyway. Have her mother meet this boy's parents and also have her inform her teacher of what is going on and ask that you be notified of any seemingly inappropriate behavior. Treat it as a privilage that can be taken away... and tell your daughter that if you start getting any "bad" reports that he can't be her boyfriend anymore.
2006-11-07 15:41:08 · answer #2 · answered by Tiggy's Momma 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well sounds to me that she is crying out for attention the attention from her father. you should both sit down and discuss this. I think that her moving in with her father is a better solution to this for now I mean if the mother doesnt give a **** then she should have no problem with letting him take over and you there to back him up. I mean I have a 12 year old good girl but that isnt because I did it he is and continues to be active in her life every weekend and he lives in a nother state as well. maybe daddy should take a weekend and be with his little girl just them two and see how she comes back. I mean with all due respect to you this is the time when you have to step back and give him all the advice he needs go online and do some research. If you nip it in the butt now it will be easier in the long run and NO it is not exceptable to want or even think about boys now at this age. good luck and God Bless.
2006-11-07 15:39:59 · answer #3 · answered by prettyfalcon197 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wow! Everyone in this thread take a deep breath!
9 year olds frequently have "boyfriends" and may even stage play weddings so that they can marry these boyfriends in a cute little playground wedding. It is in no way dirty, or a typical relationship. They are not likely to kiss, sit next to each other, or really even do anything together - ESPECIALLY not have sex. They may hold hands at their pretend wedding, but that is about as far as it'll go.
I can't believe that no one remembers this part of childhood. :(
It's just puppy love.
2006-11-07 21:42:42 · answer #4 · answered by antheia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you discussed what it MEANS to the child having a "boyfriend" When my daughter was 9 she had a number of "boyfriends" they were boys and they were her friends. Because my daughter enjoyed alot of the same activities they did, she was not a doll lover, was never a Barbie "Hound". She perfered race cars and radio controled vehicles, she played on the school basketball team (mostly boys), took Kung Fu. There is nothing wrong with having friends who are the opposite sex, even when one is only 9.
2006-11-07 18:53:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
At nine, a boyfriend is just a boy who's a friend who you boss around and hang out with. I'm not saying it's a good or bad thing, i'm just clarifying. Weather or not you decide to allow it is really up to you, but you should also take into consideration what she considers a boyfriend. It might be different from what you're thinking about
2006-11-07 15:47:42 · answer #6 · answered by Darko 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well i think that age is a Lil to young.....as a female u can explain to her that it to young to have a bf. and explain to her the first time you had a bf or liked a boys. it seems like shes looking out for love since there is allot of space between her parents. maybe try to get a hold of her mother and explain to her. just talk to her..... cause either way u don't live near her to really see what see does. just explain right from wrong and let her know Ur always there for her.
2006-11-07 14:58:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm 16 and my mom never told me i couldn't have a boyfriend...she just told me i couldnt date...we could only hang out in school or at the house...that is until this year...now that im 16 i can date...but haveing a boyfriend is way different than "dating" they arent goin to go anywhere together...its pretty much for school...and they will call eachother boyfriend or girlfriend no matter what you say...
2006-11-08 01:00:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
at nine? i'm 14, and i haven't even had a boyfriend yet! way, way, way too young. she's still a kid! what does her age make her? like in the 3rd or 4th grade right? you are not serious. if she wants attention, help her make girl friends. put her in a sport or something, come on at 9!!!!??? but do not be in her face about this. infact tell her the truth, why. she deserves to know. [but kids nowadays, and i consider myself and example, know more than the parents think] she'll get all that period, and sex info in school in like the 5th and 6th grade. and std info in 7th. but that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to her about it. you should not sound mad, because if you do, she will just avoid asking you anything in the future but do whatever it is anyways, like the birth control pill.
i've read the Babysitter series, and in it, the second grade girl had a boyfriend [only she said that he was her husband] it was just their way of tellling everyone that they liked each other. i guess it's just that pueprty thing
2006-11-07 14:20:30 · answer #9 · answered by navdeepkaur 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Tell her NO! Nine years old is way too young to be thinking about having a boyfriend. Never mind about shutting down communication, she needs parental guidance and supervision!!! I think the parents of this girl need to have a reality check. Do they want to take the chance of having this girl becoming sexually active and make them grandparents? Girls can get pregnant as early as 8 if they have begun their period. (My daughter started when she was 9) Do you think a 9 year old girl should take the chance of having a baby? NO BOYS!! She should enjoy her childhood and still be playing with dolls instead of trying to grow up so soon. It will come soon enough and she will live to regret not having her childhood innocence for as long as she should (or could) have.
2006-11-07 14:20:00 · answer #10 · answered by brendalyn 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋