I mentor a 14 year old boy and for thw most part, we get along pretty good. We have been matched for about a 1 1/2 years. I am getting a little frustrated because after this much time, I think there should be some ownership of the match on his part. For instance, he has never called me or initiated and communication with me. I have asked him to call me on several occassions to tell me how his games went etc... and he'll say he'll call, but never does. His Mom kinda enables him in this too, if there are schedule changes, she'll call me and not him. Don't get me wrong, I understand that I am the adult and that 90 some percent of the effort is on me, but after a year and a half you would think that he would be showing some effort towards our match and friendship. It just feels like the frienship doesn't matter to him. I am thinking about not calling for awhile and waiting to see how long it takes him to initiate contact. Good or bad idea????
2006-11-07 13:54:18 · 7 answers · asked by benjamin p 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Just an FYI...I have had the talk with about that he should call and that when you say your going to do something....follow through etc... He just doesn't seem to care much. He is immature for his age and I undertand that, but when he makes no effort at all....it just frustrates me. It hard to go back to the well all the time.
2006-11-07 14:52:56 · update #1
I think it would be a horrible idea not to call. He is being mentored because he is in need of a roll model. He would feel betrayed and left behind and totally miss the point. You should really just tell him what is going on. Say something like, "Look John, when we agree that you will call me, I look forward to hearing from you. I feel disappointed when you don't call. Please keep your word and call next time." Simple, straight-forward, and not aggressive. He's 14 and they are notorious for being afraid of confrontation especially with adults and for not wanting to show that they want or need an adult. Respect his age and his need for you but his desire to be grown-up. Talk with him like he is an adult and show him you respect his young-adult-ness and he will come around.
Thank you for taking the time to mentor. I wish more men would help our young people like this.
2006-11-07 14:07:44 · answer #1 · answered by Huggles-the-wise 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you are coming from. I think I would also wait a while just to see if he call's, but at the same time, I don't think that you should take it too personal because after all, he is a kid, & they don't percieve situations the way adults do, so he probably has no clue that you feel the way you do.
2006-11-07 22:08:17 · answer #2 · answered by MsLovely1000 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure what the situation is (if you are part of a program etc) but I would talk with the boy. If he doesn't want to put forth any effort to make contact I'm sure there is someone else out there that could actually use your help.
2006-11-07 22:05:42 · answer #3 · answered by flucogrl101 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
14 is an age where kids, or teens, start to want relationships with friends their own age. They feel weird talking to adults & want to be with people "like them."
I'd say let it go. If he doesn't call, then he may just feel like he has moved on & no longer needs a mentor.
2006-11-07 22:00:17 · answer #4 · answered by georgiadiva 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are a mentor, then I am going to make a guess that this child needs some extra attention. I wouldn't take it personally.
2006-11-07 21:56:55 · answer #5 · answered by Just Me 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe talk to his mom about this. This is one thing that all people need to learn...Do what you say you are going to do. It is called being responsible. Kids need to learn this from an early age, and not on their 18th birthday. It is an on-going process.
2006-11-07 21:57:50 · answer #6 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
r u a molestor? y do u care? get another kid friend
2006-11-07 21:56:41 · answer #7 · answered by killer_duchess 1 · 0⤊ 8⤋