I have been married for 2 years to a man with 3 children. I have 2 myself. I work in marketing from home therefore it is me who takes care of all 5 kids. I treat all kids as equals since this is my "family." I find myself constantly stressed because my husband will rarely converse with my sons at all. How could I relay to my husband that I need to see him interacting with my children in a fatherly way? He just took my 10 yr old son on a 30 minute trip to Walmart this weekend. It was the first time he has taken my youngest out alone since I have known him. I find myself extremely frustrated that I give so much of myself yet feel all alone when it comes to my children. It causes arguements and to be totally honest it ticks me off to no end.
2006-11-07 12:50:20 · 11 answers · asked by just me 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel taken advantage of constantly and I feel my boys have been forced to share their Mom while they have no true stepdad. It's depressing. He says he doesn't interact with my sons because they don't come to us as much as his kids do so my husband claims that he "doesn't think about going to talk to them or do anything with him." We have separated over this once but he wanted to make this a "family"...and I tried it again.
2006-11-07 12:51:55 · update #1
There probably needs to be a counselor mediator involved with this. He doesn't seem to get the fact that he does need to spend time with them. I don't know if their dad is involved and that may create some of the problems. Maybe your hubby doesn't want to step on any toes. One thing you can do is set up dates for them. When your hubby has free time, ask him to take your son to the batting cages, or a bike ride. Don't wait for him to ask. Maybe he's scared of rejection from the kids. You need to let him know again that it hurts you that your kids don't get as much love from him that his get from you. Whatever you do, don't take it out on his children, because it's not their fault that their dad is doing this. Good luck.
2006-11-07 14:45:33 · answer #1 · answered by Phoebe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is probably one of the biggest reasons stepfamilies end up divorced. My husband was the same way. I ended up putting my foot down and telling him that if he didn't at least spend 1 hour a week with the boys I was leaving. he found out it was true and after he didn't have someone there to do things for and with him, he changed. It's taken a lot of counseling and we see our pastor alot but it is getting better. Take it slow at first and remember you give bcuz you want to. Maybe he needs to want to also and you can help him find what will make him want to.
2006-11-07 12:57:52 · answer #2 · answered by Rae 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I grew-up in a step-parent situation, and we all did things together, but i always felt alone, because of the fact i never did really bond with the other parent, to this day it hasn't changed. my suggestion is for you to go someplace to regroup your self, and have your husband stay at home with the kids, and bond with them. I don't mean watching t.v. but give him some ideas so that there is alot of interacting, this has to be with all of the children, they feel the pressure in the home, NOT GOOD. go somewhere for 3 to 7 days, make this postive plan to your husband so tht he doesn't feel like your pulling out. besides you need a break. good luck
2006-11-07 13:15:31 · answer #3 · answered by Diana J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to be a step parent but it can be such a rewarding thing as well. Keep open communication with him and tell him how it makes you feel. Alienating the step kids and favoring your biological kids is natural at first, however, the step parent should never make it obvious to the kids. It takes the step parent some time to develop that relationship but in the meantime he can treat all of the kids fairly and the same. See if he will take your kids out more to help develop their relationship.
2015-09-14 07:22:42 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello,
well i think that is harder for a man to take on the responsibility of another mans children.....but you need to let him know how you feel about the whole thing...and how you show no difference between the children and so should he....the children will see this as they get older and resent him if it continues....and you need to let him know that....and let him know that he is the most influential person in their life and he needs to pay more attention to them all and except them all as his as you did his children....but we women are more excepting of the children be it ours or not......where men tend to shy away from the other mans children....and i cannot answer you why this is .....my mothers 1st ex husband excepted all of us and i went with the other kids beings i would be the only one left at home with my parents....and he didn't think that it was right to leave me behind.....but most men aren't like that.....they are afraid of what the other man might think.....but please make him understand what you think with out arguing with him....when it comes to children we as women become very protective of our own....and theirs.....good luck
2006-11-07 13:15:00 · answer #5 · answered by wendy p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's the typical scene of mixed marriages. You are placed in a situation where conflicts normally arises , both in your own family and with your new spouse. I can't say anything except that you have to try your VERY best to work it out.
2006-11-07 13:04:27 · answer #6 · answered by dtmc542006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey I am in the same boat, my husband and I have the same problem,so I really understand how you feel. Good luck because I need it just as bad as you do!
2006-11-07 13:41:56 · answer #7 · answered by AlishaM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't insist that your husband steps up and becomes a real father to your boys they will carry the emotional scars for years to come. (trust me, I know from experience.) It isn't fair for him to expect you to "mother" his kids while he ignores yours. I would suggest couples/family counseling.
2006-11-07 15:14:45 · answer #8 · answered by sarah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you and your husband actually communicate? If not WHY not. That is one of the bases for a good marriage.
2006-11-07 12:57:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Accept it or just leave him. He doesn't seem to love your sons that much.
2006-11-07 21:22:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋