My ex bf's sister was talking to me today about how she is so upset about her brother and his actions. We have 2 kids together and i left him after 9 years due to abuse. I told her that my feelings on the subject are that he has been enabled for so long that he has decided that he deserves to have people bend over backward and do everything for him. He is a pathological liar, and although his sister has done so much for him (paid his rent and bills when he was out of work, not to mention untold hours of emotional support) he continues to badmouth her to everyone he comes into contact with, me right to her face, to her husband. Nobody holds him accountable for his actions, so he continually gets away with all of this. She said she feels as though she wants to call him and tell him not to talk to her anymore until he can come up with a sincere apology, but it doesn;t feel like the Christian thing to do. I asked her if continuing to enable him to the point of almost disabling him...
2006-11-07 12:09:50 · 19 answers · asked by ? 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
seemed more "Christian?"
2006-11-07 12:10:12 · update #1
what is your opinion, should she continue to let him walk all over her and never hold him accountable, or should she finally step back and force him to take action to improve himself.
2006-11-07 12:10:51 · update #2
I think what you said is perhaps the best idea for now at least.
As for the Christian thing then perhaps she should consider that she should act on her conscience. If she would feel bad or regret it then its not right. And if she truly believes its a step in the right direction then she should take it.
The people who behave like this man do not deserve sisters like this woman! She is to be congratulated for enduring it this long. Besides normally people like him will be making the bed they wish to lie in. I just hope he gets what is coming to him soon.
2006-11-07 12:19:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a christian does not mean you are a door mat and have to take crap from anyone, everyone is entitled to boundaries and respect , if there are no boundaries for others to follow then you have the situation that is happening, be frank with this guy ,tell him he is a dead beat and that this is not going to be tolerated and he cannot come back around until he gets his act together, If you look in the bible you will find lots of instances where someone even Jesus got angry for what was right. Say what has to be said and let it go just don't go to bed angry over it. Best of luck and God Bless
2006-11-07 21:50:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should continue to love him and if he is in dire need, be there for him,but she needs to stop letting him treat her bad. God wants us to love one another, but does not want us to constantly be hurt by something someone does. Now is the time for tough love. She needs to let him know she still loves him and always will, but she will not stand to be used and treated this way. She, as well as you don't deserve that. Also her husband needs to take a stand for her. Not fight him or anything, but let him know that he doesn't appreciate him insulting her. She needs to break some ties with her brother. Being an enabler won't help him at all.
2006-11-07 22:53:04 · answer #3 · answered by Phoebe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough Love. It is the christian thing to do. If she herself is a christian, then she must wish for her brother to receive salvation as well. It is harder for him to repent from his sins and accept the teaching of the Bible if he has been taught that there are no consequences for his actions. She can continue to talk to him, give him the basic necesseties (food, shelter) but the car bill doesnt cut it nor does the rent (He can live in a shelter if worst comes to worst). Confront him when he is lying at once and then leave it at that. dont argue , just state your opinion is that he is lying and you dont want to discuss it any further. He will learn that you have this wonderful ability to tell when he is lying. Trust your gut insincts about this.
2006-11-07 21:16:24 · answer #4 · answered by Melbel of the 7 seas 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lots of christains have the illusion that being a christain means being weak and dumd. Jesus checked people daily on their actions thats why they hated him. Tell her that she does not have to deal with that and not giving him and ultimatim is more unchristain than confronting the issue. Being strong and not running from confrontation is the basics of what God attempts to teach us in this life. Does God allows us to continue in error and not bother us in attempt to keep an imagine of christainity? The only thing she has to do is speak to him in love when she comfronts him but she is not bound to his bad behavior or actions rather he chooses to apoligize or not.
2006-11-07 20:24:05 · answer #5 · answered by exceptionallyexceptional 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she needs to step back and allow him to GROW-UP!! And I don't think he can successfully do that with her around..........I don't know about the "Christian" way of doing things but I can tell you her doing damage to herself trying to help/fix him is probably not going to get her any brownie points in the end and just make her life a living HELL! You also need to understand she probably will not stop until she is fed up and that may take a while.
2006-11-07 20:14:51 · answer #6 · answered by Littlebit 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's her life and she doesn't owe her brother anything. If he were really in trouble, then maybe she should lend him a helping hand, but if he is just creating all of his own trouble and she keeps bailing him out, then that's not getting anyone anywhere. Probably helping him is the Christian thing to do, but the right thing to do is to REALLY help him by making him able to help himself ultimately.
2006-11-07 20:12:54 · answer #7 · answered by Stephanie S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The Christian thing to do would be to tell him there's a problem and that he must take responsibility for his part of the problem;just as she must take responsibility for her part of the problem. You must stay out of the problem or you will also be enabling him to continue in his ways.
2006-11-07 20:49:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
as a christian we are to forgive others for the sins and trespasses against us, it says nothing about continuing to support and put up with the behaviour. tell you x boy friends sister the Jesus said that Christians would lose brother and sisters but would gain them in faith. she needs to tell her brother that he is an adult and can choose the path he wants in his life, but she does not have to approve or condone it. she should also tell him that until he learns what it really means to be a Christian and begins walking and acting like one, not to waste his time in trying to get her support anymore. its called tough love and as Christians its one the Jesus approved of.
2006-11-07 20:28:39 · answer #9 · answered by redsyoungstud 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does no one any good to let them walk all over people. God has a way of disciplining His children so they straighten out their lives by turning to Him. If someone keeps "helping" they interfere with God's efforts to train the person who needs His guidance.
The Holy Bible has many guidelines for training up a child in the way he should go. Proverbs and Jesus' teachings are good places to start. We are all God's children and His guidance is for us regardless of age.
2006-11-07 20:26:41 · answer #10 · answered by puzzled 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋