Do I leave my husband of almost 5 years??

Question

We have 2 daughters (4 and 1). He works a 40 hr job and and I work 40hrs plus another 20 at Wal-Mart. I don't get any help around the house... NONE. I find out he feeds the the girls practiclly nothing when I'm at my sec. job. (one night it was just noodles) He spends alot of money... some on gambleing. (we are 2mo. behind on house) I feel like I'm doing it on my own now... I love him very much but I'm not sure if I'm still IN love with him. I get more help from my parents than I do from him. My oldest daughter and I are in a dance class one night a week and he can't even stay home with the youngest. He goes fishing or bowling!!! GRRRRRR... I'm so frustrated! I try to tell him what I am feeling... things change for about 3mo then we are back at square one!!

We have been together for 8 years married 5. I'm 24 he's 28.

Answer 1

You may not like my answer but here goes. Your marriage is typical of high school sweethearts getting married without having a life out of high school before getting married. You two missed out alot of growing up in that time. So now the honeymoon is over and the real stress of a married family life is getting to him. Hes starting to wonder if this is all there is to life now thats hes approaching 30. Hes trying to relive those missed years, doing everything, anything no matter how stupid it seems to you. Basically he doesnt know how to handle his life at this point or where to turn to for help. Those early years teach us how to deal with different situations and helps us grow up and "sowing our wild oats" too, so if you spend those years with one person only, then one misses out on the real facts of everyday living and end up where you are now. Now its hard to tell if this a long term thing or short, but you can be patient and out wait him or decide how much of this you can take and decide whether you are better off with or without him and then go from there. Good luck

Answer 2

Do you know what I would do? I would move out with your two daughters. Show him what it's like to do everything on your own. Move in with a sister or your parents for a bit. This should scare him enough to change his ways, if he still cares for you. Unfortunately, he may be acting this way to tell you something.

Or, have him move out. If he isn't going to be an active member of the family, then what is the point of him staying there. You're better off alone in the long run.

Or, try counseling. The counselors can drag what is really going on out of him better than what you can. This is if you still want to save your marriage.

I wish you the best of luck. And just know, you don't need him. You have your two daughters and that is all you need.

Answer 3

If you are banking on him chaning for good you're in for a grave disappointment. You say you've been together for 8 years...so was he like this before you got married? If so, then WHY did you marry him? As for being 2 months behind on the house you had better get THAT paid up now, because if you DO split you will probably get to keep the house because of the kids BUT...you will more than likely be responsible for making up those payments, and the longer they go unpaid the more interest will build up and you could wind up loosing the house all together. You have to make a decision now, no one can make it for you.

Answer 4

So sorry... I'm a mom too, and I can't imagine how badly it would hurt if I couldn't spend the time I need with my son. One day I asked my dad what to do when I was in a more immature version of your situation. He said, "take your power back." Trust your gut, darling. Ask yourself the question "who's in charge here?" and "will he ever change?" If it's money holding you back, then there are organizations (such as 'the umbrella") that can help you. The real advice? Do what is best for your children. Really.

Answer 5

merely god can answer that question for you, yet i might desire to characteristic a remark. First, you picked a romantic internet call, so which you probable are a romantic. existence isn't consistently romantic except we make it that way. you are able to't make him greater useful. you're able to do exactly the proper you are able to and ask him to do an identical. As to his offenses: Having telephone numbers of persons in his telephone isn't an offense. examining his telephone without his permission IS an offense, and in some international places is somewhat unlawful. a lot of in any different case good people drink and convey different nasty addictions. Like our President. nicely, according to danger it somewhat is a foul occasion... :( besides, no person is desirable. somewhat, the proper thought is to have somebody you have confidence a coach who can help the two one among you thru problems. the proper is probable a pastor, by using fact they paintings loose : ) Psychologists are high priced, and are regularly very bothered people themselves > ( in case you haven't any longer have been given a mediator, you may have a lot of problems, by using fact husband will resent you pushing him. greater useful to have somebody else push him. If he somewhat desires to alter, he will comply with have a marriage counselor. If he refuses one you detect, and refuses to locate a greater useful one, he's merely a pretend. If he is going to counselling, why no longer supply him a raffle. You promissed to be with him for greater useful or for worse. You had the greater serious, why loose out on the flair greater useful? base line: I estimate which you may have a depressing existence is you are not getting a sympathetic marriage counselor which you would be able to definitely locate the money for.

Answer 6

Stop talking about your feelings; it's obvious his brain doesn't work that way.

You have to make it clear to him what you want. Tell him exactly how much he needs to contribute to paying for the house and bills. Tell him you'll lose the house if he doesn't pitch in every month.

If he babysits, tell him exactly what the kids should eat. Don't leave it up to his imagination; he's obviously a poor eater and needs guidance.

If you have a dance class, tell him IN ADVANCE that every week this happens and he has to stay at home with the younger one, especially since babysitters cost so-much an hour.

Things go back to the way they were 3 months later because you don't continue to tell him what you need. It'll take years to "train" him; he needs continuing guidance without nagging.

Don't attack him, don't attack his friends or bowling or fishing. He will withdraw to avoid being hurt. Tell him what the kids need, what you need, and then spell out what will happen if the needs are not met: you'll lose the house; you'll go broke paying for babysitters; your kids will develop medical problems from eating poorly; his kids will think he loves bowling or fishing over them; you will think he doesn't love you anymore; you will think that he doesn't care and he'll have to leave.

Spell it out. He's dense and you are too emotionally involved with complaining instead of looking for long-term solutions.

Oh, and after 8 years, the infatuation wears off and you're not supposed to be IN LOVE with him, but are supposed to still love him deeply enough to make it work.

Answer 7

it sounds to me that it might be time to cut your losses.i realize that you have not been together for long but, marriage is suppose to be a bond. and to me that bond has been broken. its pretty sad that you have to work 2 jobs, to make ends meet, yet he can not stay at home with his children. maybe you should try a separation. let him know that until you see a change him that last more than a few months that you and he will stay apart. give it some time away from him, see if he changes give him 6 months. if he has not changed then i say it is time to file, beside you said that your not sure if your in love with him, and that your doing this alone anyway, so what do you have to lose?

Answer 8

I think what is missing in your situation is communication. We are often quick with our complaints but don't take a moment to stop and say nice things or compliment each other. Begin with a small compliment for something good he has done today, without regard to what he has not done or was supposed to do. Shifting focus away from the problem and focusing on the positive gives you positive results. I know it is hard to do but if your way is not working, try mine. What have you got to lose?

Answer 9

Time to sit down and do out a budget. First on the list....HOUSE payment! Then you could try Paying yourselves a wage. What I mean by that is each month ALL Money that you BOTH make is put into a bank account....bills are paid FIRST....then you take and pay each other a wage. Take what YOU make per hour from BOTH jobs and average it out...that's what YOU get per Hour...from working AND from Household chores. It you spend 3 Hours cleaning one day and your average worked out to $10.00 per Hour....you made $30.00 cleaning. Now...after paying all the bills you may not have enough left over to pay yourself $10.00 per hour....so you can do it on credits. One credit is worth $1.00 So...lets say you have 30 credits...that means HE has to do 3 Hrs of work if HIS average was $10.00 per hour to use up your credits. Do you see where I am going here?

Best of luck....now go get some credits LOL

Answer 10

I say if you are not happy then get out. Nothing is going to change him thats obvious. Hes lazy and doesnt think he should have to help with anything. Take your kids and get away from him. Maybe he will learn his lesson when its too late. You dont need a man to make you happy,,,i mean you are basically doing it all by yourself now...so why not make it out on your own and take care of your daughters and teach them right.