My fiance works nights and i work days, when i get home from work he is usually asleep and sleeps till it's time for him to go to work. He is off two nights a week but usually ends up having to work them too because the police department is understaffed or something.It causes alot of problems in our relationship. What should i do?
2006-11-07 11:53:56 · 16 answers · asked by Amber M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For those who think i'm being selfish, i understand that he is doing good for people and i am proud of him. Yes i have concerns about him being a police office because i know there are alot of dangers that come with his job. Am i selfish for wanting to spend time with the man i love? i don't think so.
2006-11-07 12:27:12 · update #1
Make a decision about the rest of your life, look ahead and see that this is going to cause multiple problems in your marriage. Look further ahead, after a couple of kids, and a divorce is staring you in the face.
My advice is have a serious, very serious talk with him about the future. Neither one of you should be expected to give up your careers for the other.
In a relationship you have to have things in common, you have to have time together for the relationship to grow. Your marriage is not going to be able to grow with conditions like this.
2006-11-07 11:58:41 · answer #1 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You knew this was his job and what it entailed when you got engaged right? Well then i think you should stick it out then, But if you are really unhappy or think you will be unhappy down the line then you better tell him you cant marry him and for what reasons. Im sure hes going to be very hurt knowing that he cant keep his woman because of the job he has. Hes out there protecting people from harm and you cant even back him up on this. Maybe you should find a job nights that way you can spend more time with him.
2006-11-07 11:58:37 · answer #2 · answered by michelle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't going to change and if it causes problems now, imagine what it will be like married, and with kids. Keeping them quiet during times Dad is sleeping, him never being home when the kids are off, and the list goes on. And one of the hardest things about the job - is that it isn't a job to them. They eat and breathe it - and you will always be second because he has to survive on the street.
My husband was a cop in L.A. for years and had he not been medically retired from an on-duty injury, I can't honestly say whether we'd still be together -= it was a horribly hard life.
2006-11-07 11:58:21 · answer #3 · answered by chris 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look at this as a temporary situation that wont last forever. His job requires he be available 24/7 and you knew that and accepted it when you agreed to marry him. Yes it puts a strain on your relationship but if this is all you have to deal with then youre lucky. If you cant deal with this then youre going to have trouble dealing with the big things in a marriage. Just enjoy whatever time you two have together and worry about your upcoming wedding instead and everything else will take care of itself. Good luck
2006-11-07 12:04:40 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him and he loves you then you should be able to work out the schedules shouldn't you? I can remember years ago when I had to work midnight shift. My wife and I are still together. I did not particularly care to work midnights. I wanted to be home with her in bed with her but I did it and never complained about it.
It sounds to me like there may be more issues that the schedule.
Sit down and talk to him for a start and see if the schedule is an issue or not. Communication is very very important in a relationship, Good Luck
2006-11-07 11:59:44 · answer #5 · answered by PsychoSam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to decide if being married to a police officer is what you want. They have LONG and ODD hours. Plans will be canceled dinners will be left overs. I have a lot of respect for spouses of firefighters and police officers. If you can deal with the lonely nights, long hours and stress then go through with the marriage other wise get out now.
2006-11-07 12:00:09 · answer #6 · answered by kansas c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could change your job so you too work nights like him. Of course, that might not be possible. If you foresee the current situation continuing indefinitely, you should think twice about marrying someone that you won't get to spend time with.
2006-11-07 11:56:45 · answer #7 · answered by Perplexed Music Lover 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be supportive. That is the life of a law enforcement worker. It's not as if he were out partying and ignoring you. He is earning a living and risking his life at it as well. You are very selfish.
2006-11-07 12:00:36 · answer #8 · answered by AVA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, consider switching your hours. Or vice versa. If this isn't a possibility, you two need to have a heart to heart. Unfortunately, why get married if you two are never going to see each other. It makes no sense.
So, I wish you the best of luck.
2006-11-07 12:01:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is commitment if u love him, u will stick it out and if he loves u he will try his best to keep u happy. Some time men are oblivious to the feelings and needs of women so try to remind him without naggin him.
2006-11-07 11:58:37 · answer #10 · answered by exceptionallyexceptional 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋