what makes a good step parent i've been trying for 18 years now and i'm still getting it wrong?

Answer 1

What makes a good parent? We're all living and learning, dear. Sailing the boat one puff of wind at a time.

Answer 2

Well I have three step kids...But you know what...I never looked at them as step kids. They where living in Our home so why should they be any different than my "own" kids? The way I see it sometimes when its a step kid we try Toooooo hard. I found that the more I tried....like being easier on them cause after all....I was not there "Real Dad" the worse it got. Then one day I had enough and figured Screw it....they are MY kids...and they are going to be treat as such. You screw up...you will feel the wrath lol. When you think about it...what makes a good parent? You are there when they need you....and you are there we they don't want you there LOL.
Anyone can be a sperm or egg donor....but it takes a SPECIAL person to be a parent....and that's what you are.
Start treating them like they are "Yours" and NOT like you have to walk on egg shells when they are around. If you give them Heck for something and they don't like it....tooooo dam bad....they are young they will get over it.
Trust me it will work out

Best of luck

Answer 3

what makes a good step parent i guess is trying to be the real parent.
for some reason
no one accepts or at least most of the people wouldnt accept step parents
but 18 years is really so long
if u dont fear it just talk it out loud with him/her
ummm i guess 18 years that makes him/her passed the 18 and maybe more
so they should understand what u got on mind
i didnt say much that could benefit u but u didnt give much info
i know a friend
she was confused whom to choose her real/biological father or step father
so i guess that guy done it right some how

Answer 4

as a step parent myself, i am sorry to say but no matter how hard we try we will always be in the wrong. in the eyes of the child(teenager, adolescent) we are the one that took their natural parent away from the other. in time the step child will accept you , 18 yrs is a long time but miracles happen every day lol. try to put yourself in their shoes. what i have always done is to become a friend to them, and never tried to take place of the absent parent. just reassure them you are there for them if ever they need you. trust and respect comes to those who earn it, even ourselves. your step children probable do respect you, some children take longer to adjust than others, although this is hard to digest lol this is the best advice i can give you, my eldest step child is 22, youngest 14. hope this is of help.

Answer 5

Being an underwater butcher, in shark infested waters; would be less stressful than being a step parent. But, speaking from experience, step kids can actually turn into pretty good friends. Assuming we can avoid strangling them while they are growing up and becoming a friend.

Answer 6

I think a lot depends on how well you treat the childrens mother. If you are keeping her happy, you will be the finest step parent ever imagined in her eyes.
Ignore the adult kids, because step kids have a tendency to be self serving, wounded souls who feel the opposite parent or the step parent "owe" them forever.
I have 3 steps and they can be just pathetic and are stuck in the maimed wounded soul period of their lives and cannot move on. or get over their parents divorce in 1985. I cannot begin to express what a pitiful mess they are. There comes a time in your life when they have to be responsible for themselves and they are in their late 20's and still whining and their dad is always there to bail them out. They blame him for everything and he accepts it. Its costing him a fortune.
Just live your life and let them live theirs. They will move on hopefully and find happiness without you to blame.

Answer 7

i wonder what you mean when you say 'wrong'. maybe my questions are ones you could ask yourself... like, what do you want from your relationship with these/this child/ren? what do you wish it was like, what have you got to offer, what do you wish was different? etc. getting down to specific, concrete things can be helpful. getting clear in yourself before trying to shift things with them. so often just being ok with things in yourself can make a natural, gradual shift to how things are with the people you relate with. if you're coming to them with expectations, demands, judegments etc. that's a good guarantee the love will find it hard to flow. and same goes if you're doing that to yourself. another good thing to try is imagining yourself in their shoes. not always easy, but always a worthwhile exercise in loving.
my son has a stepmother, and it certainly isn't easy, this whole blended family thing. different people need different boundaries and so on. i like what people are saying about offering friendship. i would just maybe add to that the understanding that its not so simple as that because of power imbalances and your responsibilities as an adult. i would recommend you and your partner and the kids if they're willing, get into exploring the whole blended family realm - read books, look out for workshops, talk about it, have family discussions, or just grab those little one on one moments to chat about what blended family means for each of you and what you each need. communication is a key, but deeper than that - its love - for your self and for those you share your life with. coming from a true place with that... anything is possible.

Answer 8

....you just have to be you yourself...no airs and graces....i just blend in with mine, we have a laugh sometimes now they are older now, at first they didn't understand what was going on with their dad and this new girlfriend (me)...but it went ok after the initial shock set in, and we all get on well, theres times when i say....ok...thats it, had enough...i'm off, (thats when they are all quabbling)....but i never do, i go home for a few hours, then everythings cool....i would miss them too much if i stayed away for too long, you've been part of their lives for 18 years...you must be doing something right....were more like friends than step family...i just treat then like your own....i mean after 18 years they virtually are....right?

Answer 9

Parenting has always and will always be trial and error,no matter where you are in a relatiionship.All i can suggest is try talkling to your step-child/ren,and see where you think you are going wrong.You never know,you might be able to make some sort of compromise.

Answer 10

Stop trying to be a step parent it suggests you want some sort of title and recognition and to them it feels like you are trying to take someones place- just tell them you dont want to take anyones place - you just want to be their freind and you will be there if they need you.